To resist hugging people at work??

[conniesas]

I hate this phrase but 'im a hugger". I'm new to the workforce (3 years) and work in journalism.. There are people at work who I'm friendly with and my instinct is to not reach out for a hug. But then a hand shake feels formal. We've been friends for a little while, go out and socialise occasionally, which end in a goodbye hug. Then when I see them again I wonder what to do! In contrast there are colleagues I know just as well how share my sentiments and we reach out for mutual hugs!

Often I see all these people at the same time, then im left thinking what if I hug one person (who excitedly made it obvious they wanted to hug!) and dont hug the others. Then do I shake their hands? Seems waaaay too formal. All same sex btw.

Should I continue to resist (not unreasonable) or should I chill out and reach out for hugs (unreasonable)?

This gives me soooo much anxiety tbh any thoughts would be helpful :)))

YANBU to want to hug people, I also work in a huggy environment.

But I think I would err on the side of caution and only hug those that you know well and that you know like a hug.

The people you don't hug won't mind. Or if they do, they can initiate the hug!

I hate hugging work friends. I enjoy hugging my family. I understand some people "are huggers" but they make me want to roll my eyes. I don't want to be rude - I allow the hug. It just feels so odd though, so fake. Arms round shoulders, maybe a pat on the back or a short squeeze. But no body contact (not that I want body contact from friends!) but it's just akward, doing the lean forward hug, keeping separate, yet being too close. A hug should feel natural and comfortable and make you feel happy with that oxytocin.

So if I was your colleague you would be making me uncomfortable. So long as you don't try for air kisses... That is next level awful

I don't see any reason to hug people at work. I'm not a natural hugger though.

I was hugged at work once when my colleague had been on a long overseas trip. I told him directly to never hug me again, he never did and no one else ever did. I worked with a few French and Dutch people who were very huggy but I made it very plain I was not to be hugged.

If someone tried to justify with I’m a hugger I would reply I’m not. Inside I would really want to say WTF do you think it’s ok to want to be in such close proximity especially if a bloke as a full on hug you feel bodies pressed together.

For this reason, I quite liked the elbow touch during lockdown. It seemed a nice 'in the middle' between hugging and handshaking.
But back in the real world at work, I either hug against my will because I don't want to be rude, or give that person a very short wave, and don't step too close to them for them to instigate a hug. Alternatively, there are always excuses (a cold, or something?). I know this comment isn't very helpful, but you're not alone!

You’re unlikely to upset someone by not hugging them. You could well upset them if you do hug them. “I’m a hugger” can be shorthand for “I disregard others’ personal boundaries”.

I find this very tricky to navigate. I spent 15 years in a professional services firm and hugging was never a thing. Now I work in the NPO sector and it’s extremely tricky to navigate, especially as a woman. I feel like a handshake is quite formal (but doesn’t appear so when men share one) but if still feels weird hugging at the start or end of a meeting, for example. And if there are several people and you only know one well, do you just hug them and not the others? I’ve started doing a cheery wave these days but I don’t think that’s an ideal compromise.

Awful. The workplace is not for hugs. And I’m not that keen on handshakes, either, just makes me want to go and wash my hands. I would never say “I’m not a hugger,” but a swift step back and asking the hugger a question (however random) usually does the trick.

At work - no. After night out together - yes. Back in work after that - no.

My position on work place hugging...

(Handshake or wave only thanks. Wish the bow was more culturally normalised. Or perhaps the hat tip)

Rule no 1 - no hugging in the workplace during work hours.

Rule no 2 - outside the workplace, hug colleagues only if they come in for a hug first and you are happy to hug them back (except for Rule 3 below).

Rule no 3 - never hug your boss. If you are the boss, do not hug your subordinates.

😁

Huggers should keep their distance in the workplace. A lot of people don't want coworkers in their personal space much less touching them. I hold my arm out to stop them.

I'm not a fan of handshakes either after a manager squeezed too hard.

At the risk of sounding like a misery guts (I like a hug too!) Workplace hugging is a bad idea. I mean, creepy Colin from IT might be 'a hugger' too and the last thing we want us to give him a defence when someone makes a complaint that 'everyone does it'.

I like to hug my DH and a few other select people. Otherwise I'm very much not a hugger.

My tactic when some hugger is coming at me and I can't avoid is to get hold of one of their upper arms and do a slight sway whilst keeping them away with my hand. So it looks like a very loose embrace but it really isn't.
Do a "mwah" noise at the same time for effect. Mostly works.

I work in corporate law. No hugging, ever. Which i am grateful for as I am not a hugger

So if you've been out socially and hugged hello/goodbye then. When you see them in a work setting you'd shake hands? I think I'll just observe what everyone else does tbh. Id never want to make someone feel uncomfortable!

Let the huggers initiate things. I'm retired, thank god, and the thought of snuggling up to colleagues is not my cup of tea at all. Mind you, when I started work, everyone was called by their title Mr, Mrs, Miss or the daringly modern Ms. As everyone switched to first names over the years, I felt much the same as you feel about hugging, quite uncomfortable at times 😊

I'm not a hugger. I put one hand up in a STOP sign and say firmly, 'I'm not a hugger - please don't touch me' if it looks like someone is going to do so.

I don't care if they are offended. I feel that I have been clear and polite enough to state my boundaries to someone that was going to clutch me to their bosom against my will.

Stop doing it, there's no need to hug everytime you see everyday people
It's attention seeking. Your seeking validation.

I know someone like this and not everyone likes it. The person is being talked about.
Just stop.

Someone tried to hug me at work once. They got right upset and complained when I told them to back off.

There is zero reason to be touching work colleagues.

Just say you don’t like to hug. It’s as simple as that. Don’t give an explanation or apology. I don’t hug people unless someone really needs a hug.

so what if there is a little moment of awkwardness. It doesn’t matter. I prefer that to being hugged. I come across as friendly and approachable so I don’t think it colours people’s views of me that I won’t hug.

TBF I really dislike shaking hands but will do so if needs be.

I don't understand why you've got to shake hands. If I passed a colleague in the corridor or saw them in the coffee room etc, it wouldn't occur to me to shake their hands - or them mine! I've worked in offices for 40 years and this certainly isn't standard practice. You only really shake hands when being introduced to someone for the very first time or at a fairly formal meeting/gathering. If you've hugged them when saying goodbye after a social night out then fair enough, but surely you'd just say "hi" to them to the next day. Who goes around shaking everyone's hands all the time? What am I missing here?

I don’t see the need to touch anyone at work in any way! Maybe yours is just a different workplace culture but to me hugging colleagues seems strange unless you are meeting socially outwith work and you are quite friendly

I don't even hug my life long friends! none of us are huggers. Id hate it if a colleague tried to hug me, I am weird about people in my personal space mind. Bring back the 2m rule i say lol I would definitely not be going along with it. Just politely say "we don't do that here" 😂