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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really unfair

33 replies

Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 19:24

DS has done his A levels. He worked so so hard and got good grades. He really doesn’t want to go to uni so has been applying for apprenticeships. No luck so far.

A friend of his has failed his A levels after spending the 2 years partying. His uncle works at a company that offers 2 apprenticeships each year. There are set entry requirements. The uncle has got this friend a place despite him not meeting the requirements.

DS would have loved this opportunity. This lad is now earning £1500k per month.

Just a hard, early lesson for DS that life is not fair and it’s who you know not what you know.

OP posts:
Butterflywings84 · 22/10/2025 19:26

Yep. Afraid so. Happens so often. And no it’s not fair

Motheranddaughter · 22/10/2025 19:27

As you say life is not fair and the sooner young adults learn that the better
Encourage your DS not to dwell on this ,but to keep applying for positions

Zippidydoodah · 22/10/2025 19:27

You’re right, it isn’t fair at all. It’s hard as a parent as well, to encourage them to pull their socks up and get on with finding the next thing. So hard being resilient enough to raise resilient kids. 💐

Mullaghanish · 22/10/2025 19:28

Apply to your local FE college, check their websites for employers looking for apprentices..

Bookridden · 22/10/2025 19:29

Not fair. However, your son's work ethic will hopefully stand him in good stead in the long run, amd he will probably go on to do better than this other lad. The moral arc of the universe tends towards justice in the longer term.

Original poster
Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 19:30

£1500 not £1500k sorry!

Yes you’re right, it’s a difficult to parent through these things. To be fair to DS he isn’t dwelling on it.

I feel I’m falling short though, what do you say other than ‘yep, life’s not fair, suck it up and move on’. Is there anything more encouraging I can say?

As a family we also have no connections that would help DS at all which makes me feel a bit shit.

OP posts:
Eastie77Returns · 22/10/2025 19:31

Sorry to hear that OP. I hope something comes up for your DS.

Internships at the company I work for are like gold dust. We get hundreds of applications every year. This year the son of one of the Directors has got an intern spot. He has been parachuted in despite not meeting any of the requirements and my manager, who reports to the Director, has admitted it’s pure nepotism. It’s completely outrageous, made worse by the fact this kid will be shadowing my team for a couple of weeks and I’m finding it hard to disguise my bitterness.

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 22/10/2025 19:32

Well if this young guy couldn't be bothered studying for his A levels and preferred partying the Company that's taken him on may very well regret it.

There is no incentive for him to change his attitude to life if doing no work got yhim a job.
He may not last very long on this apprenticeship.

I'm sure your DS will get the reward he deserves for his hard working approach at some point, hopefully soon.

Original poster
Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 19:32

Eastie77Returns · 22/10/2025 19:31

Sorry to hear that OP. I hope something comes up for your DS.

Internships at the company I work for are like gold dust. We get hundreds of applications every year. This year the son of one of the Directors has got an intern spot. He has been parachuted in despite not meeting any of the requirements and my manager, who reports to the Director, has admitted it’s pure nepotism. It’s completely outrageous, made worse by the fact this kid will be shadowing my team for a couple of weeks and I’m finding it hard to disguise my bitterness.

It’s quite nice to hear that the people on the ‘I side’ of these situations aren’t happy with it either.

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 22/10/2025 19:36

Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 19:30

£1500 not £1500k sorry!

Yes you’re right, it’s a difficult to parent through these things. To be fair to DS he isn’t dwelling on it.

I feel I’m falling short though, what do you say other than ‘yep, life’s not fair, suck it up and move on’. Is there anything more encouraging I can say?

As a family we also have no connections that would help DS at all which makes me feel a bit shit.

You will be doing some important parenting by modelling a good response -

It's ok to be disappointed.
Personal connections do matter: we are all responsible for our own reputation. Yes this boy's uncle may have secured him the apprenticeship but if he is useless he wont last long
Its not that finding something you can be good at (and enjoy) isnt important, but it isnt enough by itself to get you a job.

This isnt and wont be the only opportunity out there. Bitterness is a pretty useless mindset

BreakingBroken · 22/10/2025 19:40

I don’t think apprenticeships have ever been easy to come by unless you knew someone in the industry.

BreakfastClubBlues · 22/10/2025 19:43

Which field is he looking for?

A colleague I worked with years ago posted on Facebook looking for apprenticeship opportunities for her DS. DH has his own business in this field- I passed on the details to DH and her DS is now working for a colleague of his.

My point is you may well know someone who knows someone, it's worth putting feelers out!

vivainsomnia · 22/10/2025 19:47

I don't agree with you OP. This uncle might have worked very hard without 'knowing anyone' and has done very well. One of the benefits is being able to support his nephew.

When your son manages to get a brilliant opportunity and could offer in the future a chance to a young person, don't you think he would prioritise his own children?

My son has a good job and he got it of his own accord. Most young people do.

Original poster
Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 19:50

vivainsomnia · 22/10/2025 19:47

I don't agree with you OP. This uncle might have worked very hard without 'knowing anyone' and has done very well. One of the benefits is being able to support his nephew.

When your son manages to get a brilliant opportunity and could offer in the future a chance to a young person, don't you think he would prioritise his own children?

My son has a good job and he got it of his own accord. Most young people do.

I don't blame the uncle at all, i understand the instinct to support your own but it doesn’t make it fair especially when the lad has done no work for it. He turned up to one exam with a hangover and missed one altogether.

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 22/10/2025 19:56

Since when is life fair? Your son is in good health, is it fair there re kids the sane age in hospital diagnosed with cancer?

Going on about life being unfair is only going to harm yourself and the onrs you love. It's pointless. Your son still has many opportunities to enjoy a great career.

theotherfossilsister · 22/10/2025 20:01

It’s not fair but like pp said, by working hard your son will do well eventually and this lad will probably not unless stuff changes,

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 22/10/2025 20:11

Life isn’t fair though is it. You both need to suck this one up and your son needs to find his own opportunities.

Original poster
Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 20:13

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 22/10/2025 20:11

Life isn’t fair though is it. You both need to suck this one up and your son needs to find his own opportunities.

Obviously 🙄

OP posts:
Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 22/10/2025 20:16

Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 20:13

Obviously 🙄

Show quote history

What’s with the sarky reply?

Original poster
Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 20:17

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 22/10/2025 20:16

What’s with the sarky reply?

Show quote history

Because you stated the obvious.

OP posts:
ADHDwifeHP · 22/10/2025 20:17

It is unfair but ultimately getting a job handed to you by a family member is often not a good thing. I’d be deeply concerned if I was a parent of the friend. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear in a year or two that your son is thriving while his friend hasn’t quite stepped up …

JLou08 · 22/10/2025 20:19

Connections go a very long way, as does charisma and confidence. I'd say they are all more beneficial than getting good grades in many fields. Luck and being at the right place at the right time also plays a big part. I don't even know if I would term it unfair, it's just the way life is.

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 22/10/2025 20:20

Scotsmare77 · 22/10/2025 20:17

Because you stated the obvious.

Show quote history

Ok .. just crack on with the obvious then, what are you wanting people to tell you?

BobbieTables · 22/10/2025 20:20

I'd set out your own feelers on LinkedIn and encourage him to do the same. Unfortunately it does matter who you know (or who knows of you), but you can network to try and find a position that way even if you initially don't know anyone.

HereAreYourOptions · 22/10/2025 20:22

theotherfossilsister · 22/10/2025 20:01

It’s not fair but like pp said, by working hard your son will do well eventually and this lad will probably not unless stuff changes,

Except it’s far more likely that nepotism will win out over hard work, just like how wealthy your parents are is the biggest factor influencing how wealthy you will become.

In my experience after 40 years in the workplace, hard work just generally leads to more hard work. It has relatively little impact on how successful you are.

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