To find the phrase ‘Could I please’ grating

[autumnrains2]

Does anyone else find the phrasing ‘Could I please…’ and ‘Could you please…’ grating and actually slightly passive aggressive? It’s used a lot by people at work and always bothers me slightly. ‘Please could I…’ and ‘Please could you…’ just sounds so much nicer and I don’t even know why!

Compare:

’Could I please have the report by 3pm?’

with

‘Please could I have the report by 3pm?’

The latter just sounds far better to my ears.

DH thinks I’m being ridiculous and there’s literally no difference, but I think there is. AIBU?

Please is not an aggressive word.

HTH.

I’d bet £10 that you’re annoyed by women saying ‘Could I please’ but not men.

I’ve just not sadly lost a team member who ALWAYS phrased a request as “may you please xxx” Made my skin crawl each and every time.

Fucking hell these grammar threads are more tedious than any sentence structure could ever be

I prefer "could I have the report by 3pm, please" haha

May I suggest you don’t bother reading threads you find tedious?

@MasterBeth

Please is not an aggressive word.

Do you understand the difference between aggression and passive aggression?

HTH.

"Will you be able you get the report to me by 3pm?"

A direct request for the pertinent information -- are they able, in their schedule, to fulfil this task?

Yes.

Please is not a passive aggressive word.

HTH.

Nope. Please at the beginning of ur sentence just sounds weird. I think it's very passive aggressive. See, I'm being really polite emphasising please so you have to do whatever I'm asking now or you'll look rude.

I think please in the middle or end of the sentence is more polite. I don't see any major difference between those two.

I understand what you’re saying as I used to work with someone that would say “please may I” or “please may you” and although she was lovely, my brain would instantly go “why don’t you fuck off” as it just grated on me. Even typing this I’m cringing / my teeth itch. But your example is just words another way round 🤣

That's asking somebody's permission to have the report. It's not the same thing at all. In fact it's completely wrong if you are giving someone an instruction, i.e. to have the report finished to hand to you by x time.

"Please may you" is ridiculous, though. "Please may I" is a request for permission. You're not fucking asking someone else to give themselves permission!

Grinds my gears, too. It's one of those things that's awfully wrong but seems too trivial to correct. Like wandering apostrophes, I guess - only worse 😬

What about please would you, rather than telling someone outright what to do.