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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband being off with me for getting drunk is unfair - AIBU?

37 replies

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:13

Husband has a job where he gets called out last minute. Tbh it doesn’t bother me all that much. Sure, it can be disappointing but we do our best to plan things where there is certainly with his schedule. We are both late 20s.

Recently, we had plans to go out on Saturday night. Husband got called. We hadn’t bought tickets as there were plenty available. I decided to join friends for a night out(group of single girls). I had a fantastic night. Going out and getting drunk had lost its appeal but for whatever reason I really needed a proper girls night out. Anyway, came home in the very early hours. Husband was home. I made sure not to be inconsiderate so got undressed and to bed without too much noise as husband was asleep.

The next day I was nursing a hangover. So the Sunday was a bit of a write off. Husband was off work that day so I do feel bad about that.

Anyway, it was obvious my husband was a bit pissed off as he was acting a bit off. I asked him directly and he thinks I was in the wrong for getting in such a state that it impacted the Sunday. I mean it’s not ideal but I rarely go out and properly get wasted. I don’t see what I did as being terribly wrong. Just I’ll thought out.

Is my husband justified for looking down at me for my behaviour and seeing it as immature (how it feels). I’m a grown woman who pays her own way in life and therefore think I can sort of do as I please as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.

OP posts:
Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:14

I think husband could cut me some bloody slack and realise I’m actually very understanding of his job schedule and the disruption it comes with

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 20/10/2025 18:16

YANBU
Did you have any plans for Sunday?
letting your hair down and being with friends is totally reasonable

tinyspiny · 20/10/2025 18:17

Does your husband ever go out and get ‘totally wasted ‘ ( your words ) ?

DeadsoulsAngel · 20/10/2025 18:18

If you don’t have kids, and it sounds like you don’t, the go for it! Have a great time 🙂

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 20/10/2025 18:18

Is he worried you were unfaithful on the night out?

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:18

rubyslippers · 20/10/2025 18:16

YANBU
Did you have any plans for Sunday?
letting your hair down and being with friends is totally reasonable

No we assumed we were going to have a late one on Saturday so the plan was to take it easy on Sunday and veg in the sofa/netflix.

OP posts:
Fandango52 · 20/10/2025 18:19

Is this… a reverse?

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:19

tinyspiny · 20/10/2025 18:17

Does your husband ever go out and get ‘totally wasted ‘ ( your words ) ?

Not regularly at all. Mostly due to the nature of his job but it’s not like he’s never been blackout. Maybe gets drunk a couple of times a year

OP posts:
GagMeWithASpoon · 20/10/2025 18:20

Is this the first time he got huffy/been off about you going out on your own/drinking?

Ariel896 · 20/10/2025 18:21

I don’t understand why it matters if you were going to watch Netflix on the sofa and chill? Why can’t you be hungover for that? He sounds boring and controlling

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:21

If the roles had been reversed I would have been a little disappointed that Sunday involved husband nursing a hangover (I had a whopping headache) but I would accept it’s just one of those things that comes with the nature of being on different schedules. And leave it at that.

OP posts:
ProfoundlyPeculiarAndWeird · 20/10/2025 18:21

Does he ever get so drunk that it affects what the family can do the next day? If so, he should tolerate what you have done. But if he never does that, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to be 'a bit off' with you.

CatamaranViper · 20/10/2025 18:23

YANBU OP. Is he jealous that he didn't get to go out?
If you're generally understanding of his job and end up with plans cancelled, I don't think you've done anything wrong by making alternative plans last minute. Why should you sit at home?
Plus, we all get carried away every now and then, you drank a lot, had fun and it sounds well deserved.
He sounds bitter

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:25

My friends and I regularly go out for drinks but not normally to the point of being THAT drunk. But it was just one of those nights. And it was a right laugh!

OP posts:
Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:26

ProfoundlyPeculiarAndWeird · 20/10/2025 18:21

Does he ever get so drunk that it affects what the family can do the next day? If so, he should tolerate what you have done. But if he never does that, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to be 'a bit off' with you.

Rarely. I don’t normally either

OP posts:
Tanya285 · 20/10/2025 18:26

I think when you're heading towards 30 it's time to grow out of getting totally wasted. But it really was a one off by the sounds of it.

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:28

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 20/10/2025 18:18

Is he worried you were unfaithful on the night out?

I don’t think that’s where he’s coming from.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/10/2025 18:29

I think people benefit from a bit of a blow out occasionally!

Sounds like it’s an extremely rare occurrence for you, and that nothing you did really affected anyone else, save meaning you didn’t do much on the Sunday. As not doing much on the Sunday was the original plan then it sounds fine!

If I were your DH, I’d just be glad my work hadn’t ruined your night.

Sirzy · 20/10/2025 18:31

You weren’t unreasonable to go out and have fun.

He wasn’t unreasonable to be disappointed that Sunday became a write off because of the hangover

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:33

The way he behaved was just very unnecessary imo. He said he wasn’t annoyed when I asked him if he was upset at me (he was being off). He shared how he felt. But he carried on being cold for the rest of the day. The immature response is what I feel really let down by tbh

OP posts:
GrassNeedsaMow · 20/10/2025 18:34

You’ve done nothing wrong op, he’s been an arse. You let your hair down, had a great night which required a recovery day. When I have those nights my DH goes out and fetches me Maccy D breakfast then spends the day checking in on me bring me headache tablets and coffee as I need it!
And importantly I do the same for him when he’s had a night out with his mates. We both understand that an occasional blowout night with our respective friends will require top notch husband/wife care the next day from the non hungover partner!

Sunloungerhogger · 20/10/2025 18:35

I’d be kind of miffed if my husband was being off with me. Sure, as one gets older, you tend to grow out of that, but as an occasional hair letting down, why shouldn’t you? - it’s not as if it sounds like it impacted on plans you had together the following day, and it’s not as if you came in loudly crashing around, so I find it rather controlling to be off. How would you be if the roles were reversed? As if my husband had been out and got really drunk with friends and as a result was feeling delicate the next day - it would be such a very rare occurrence I would be feeling glad he had a fun night out and would sympathetic to his hangover and probably offer him a bacon sandwich or something, not be off with him. To say nothing of the fact you were unexpectedly at a lose end on the Saturday night because of HIS job.

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:36

I would’ve got dh a coffee and aspirin. Maybe laughed at him for being an amateur. Then ordered a deliveroo for us to eat in front of the tv.

OP posts:
Cucy · 20/10/2025 18:46

I think he’s BVU but I know I’d be in the minority.

I thinks it’s absolutely fine to have a late night out on the piss and then feel sorry for yourself with a duvet day the next day, as long as it’s not regular and you haven’t got important plans.

But my the numerous threads on here about DHs going out on the piss, it’s apparently completely unacceptable to get too drunk and you must be up at the crack of dawn on Sunday and full of beans.

I think your DH maybe a MNer.

Fandango52 · 20/10/2025 19:00

Blosheen · 20/10/2025 18:28

I don’t think that’s where he’s coming from.

Can you ask him where he’s coming from?

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