To tell boyfriend his physical habits are really grating on me?

[Conundrum85]

He clears his throat constantly and also bites his nails a lot , I find it particularly annoying if we are just chilling together and he does this as it makes it more noticeable. He never used to do it before, I think he's just letting his guard down now. It's seriously pissing me off.
Moreso because he never used to do it and now he does it, it's like he's got a bit too comfortable. Together just over a year but this has been happening the last month. I find them both unpleasant and off-putting.
Also he's great in every other way, so I don't want to lose him over this but I'm also silently seething when he does it which isn't good for me either. Help! What would you do?

Also to add , he doesn't have a cold, the throat clearing seems to be a habit

Just do it back, until he notices..

Seriously though, as someone who has random ticks going on… he probs can’t help it!

@screenager he never did it before , it's just been the last month so obviously he can control it

Tell him to stop doing it before you smother him in his sleep.

No advice but I’m in the same boat. My DH has so many annoying repetitive behaviours that didn’t surface for quite some time after I met him. 10 years married and I’m frequently asking him to stop chewing his nails and corner of fingers next to his nails . He makes this weird slapping noise with his tongue on the roof of his mouth for no reason , sings a repetitive line from a song on and off for days then changes to a different one, says yeah to himself quietly a lot , and the worst one of all ..licks his knife at the dinner table . I put up with the behaviours because I love him. Good Luck .

Sorry, but he licks his knife. LTB! 🤣

I bet you have habits that annoy him just as much.

Unless you’re happy to be told you’re equally annoying I would just leave it.

Not that I'm excusing your bf but some people don't have to have a cold to need to clear their throats a lot. Allergies for instance can cause a feeling of excessive mucous in the throat. So their may be a genuine reason for the throat clearing.

And biting nails is serious bad habit that a lot of people struggle to break.

Have you talked to him at all about these habits?

@IvedoneitagainhaventI no , he has no idea how much they annoy me. I know he would probably want to know if something is making me find him unattractive. It's just a very awkward conversation to have an I don't know how he would react. Don't want to embarrass him but I'm also quietly suffering.

Constant throat clearing can be a sign of silent reflux. Has he put on weight, or eaten spicy food, or has a lot of stress? All worth checking out first and it could be a win/win situation.

Then dunk his nails in nail biting solutions - some are utterly vile tasting, others only pretend to be vile. You could do that while he's asleep 😈

The constant throat clearing can be a sign of a medical condition.
There are some of these which are brought on by acid-reflux.
Which can be a sign of hiatus hernia.

Nail-biting, habit perhaps, or a sign of stress.

So, maybe be concerned about him rather than annoyed, talk to him, and maybe persuade him to go see a GP.

Also I would definitely want to know if there were things I did that were off-putting to him

Then tell him, but be prepared for him to come right back at you with his own list.

Tell him then - be prepared for a comeback tho.

Nah it is offputting and it sounds unbearable.

I'm glad I love being single because otherwise I'd put up with that because he's great in other ways if I wasn't. Years could be flushed down the drain. Anyway time for my wine and pizza.

If he’s irritating you after only a year, you sound mis-matched.

Just say can you not do that so loudly / quit biting your nails it’s bad for you and leave it there.

if it carries on, dump, before you end up losing it with him

I dunno. My dh is a habitual nose blower (so loud, so unnecessary) and exaggerated barky sneezer, it's like a pistol going off in terms of fright caused. He never sneezes less than five times. His dad is the same. Fucking pisses me right off. Have wanted to slap him upside the head badly. Never would but he can fuck off.

Anyway, 28 years together.

He's blowing his nose now. Like a party tooter. STFU.

I clear my throat constantly when I am stressed! Nail biting sounds like stress too. I’d nicely bring it to his attention but don’t be surprised if he then starts bringing up your habits that bug him!

One of about 5 reasons I left my ex p was constant throat clearing.

Best to mention it soon, to nip it in the bud. When I was going out with my now husband, he was having dinner at my place and he licked his knife. While inside my head I was almost levitating with horror, I just said 'oooh, could you not lick your knife? I really don't like it.' He said 'oh, ok', and never did it again. 29 years later ... he still sneezes almost ten times in a row sounding like a bull elephant trumpeting, but in my mind I just batter him over the head with an imaginary frying pan. You have to choose your battles.

Does he have anxiety at the moment? Maybe the sudden nail biting and repetitive throat clearing is due to that… Have a chat with him and see if there’s anything going on…

They sound a bit like tics. He may have been making a monumental effort to keep a lid on them, but if they are tics, he was never going to be able to suppress them forever. My eldest son has had several tics over the years - sniffing, jerking his head back as if flicking his hair out of the way, cracking his knuckles, chewing the inside of his cheeks. I learned very quickly not to draw attention to it as this made him worse. He usually stopped after a few months, only to move on to another one! Haven’t noticed it much recently, but he’s a teenager and only slouches past in the hallway once in a while.

‘Letting people be’ is really underrated.