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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell boyfriend his physical habits are really grating on me?

40 replies

Conundrum85 · 20/10/2025 13:26

He clears his throat constantly and also bites his nails a lot , I find it particularly annoying if we are just chilling together and he does this as it makes it more noticeable. He never used to do it before, I think he's just letting his guard down now. It's seriously pissing me off.
Moreso because he never used to do it and now he does it, it's like he's got a bit too comfortable. Together just over a year but this has been happening the last month. I find them both unpleasant and off-putting.
Also he's great in every other way, so I don't want to lose him over this but I'm also silently seething when he does it which isn't good for me either. Help! What would you do?

OP posts:

swingingbytheseat · 21/10/2025 22:05

Are you sure he wasn’t annoying already ?

Checkcheckout · 21/10/2025 22:27

Oh Jesus my ex used to smack his chops whenever he was in the passenger seat of the car (which was most of the time as his driving was terrifying and erratic). It used to drive me nuts. It was the only time he’d do it, it was his ‘in transit’ noise 🤷‍♀️. I pointed it out but he still carried on, it’s like he really couldn’t help it. That’s not the main reason he’s an ex, but it was a factor.

FlipFlopVibe · 21/10/2025 22:28

Have you heard of misophonia? Those closest to us cause the most anguish, it’s not just noises either it can be repetitive movements too. I know you said he’s just started but it’s very possible he always did it and you were ‘blind’ to it, we nearly always are at the start of relationships

pumpkinscake · 21/10/2025 22:35

If you don't like your partner's unconscious habits or can't ignore them, this isn't the relationship for you

Dontsayyouloveme · 21/10/2025 22:50

A man at my gym clears his throat pretty much every 2/3 minutes. That’s a lot of times in 60 mins and it drives me insane!!

StmMary · 22/10/2025 08:24

Conundrum85 · 20/10/2025 13:26

Has her got reflux.. That happens when your throat feels like it's got something in it. Plus nail biting is probably stress. Talk with him about it all. Especially if he's a good guy.

Jayne35 · 23/10/2025 09:13

Funnywonder · 21/10/2025 21:45

They sound a bit like tics. He may have been making a monumental effort to keep a lid on them, but if they are tics, he was never going to be able to suppress them forever. My eldest son has had several tics over the years - sniffing, jerking his head back as if flicking his hair out of the way, cracking his knuckles, chewing the inside of his cheeks. I learned very quickly not to draw attention to it as this made him worse. He usually stopped after a few months, only to move on to another one! Haven’t noticed it much recently, but he’s a teenager and only slouches past in the hallway once in a while.

I had those as a child, probably junior school to about 13. Varied from biting inside of mouth til it bled, lip picking and biting, nail biting, squeezing my eyes closed every few mins. Thankfully most stopped but I still lip pick and bite, and also pick the skin by my nails.

Katemax82 · 23/10/2025 09:59

I can't stand when people constantly clear their throats!! My husband sometimes does and it drives me mad (luckily it's not all the time)

Tassielassie · 23/10/2025 10:14

You will grow to loathe him and desire will evaporate.
Either say it to him and see if it improves or end it.
It will never get easier.
Personal habits kill desire in couples.

That noise would drive me mad, a colleague in another office did it and he was asked to close his door as it was driving colleagues quite mad.
Couldn't live with it.

Ohnobackagain · 23/10/2025 10:32

@Conundrum85 how about a gentle word along the lines of ‘is everything ok with yiu, I’ve noticed you seem to be biting your nails and you never did before …’ see where that takes you? Doesn’t have to be rude or parental?

Garamousalata · 23/10/2025 10:33

I couldn’t stand the nail biting in particular. 🤮

dontlikethings · 23/10/2025 10:37

Can I join? Mine loudly coughs when I'm mid way saying a sentence, so I have to say it again. And he's also developed heavy breathing all the frigging time. I sent him to the doctor but they couldn't find anything wrong with him. it's so bloody annoying, and when I tell him, he stops doing it, which suggests it's a habit rather than a medical issue.

I could bloody strangle him sometimes. I won't leave him though because he is a lovely person apart from this.

edited to add: his response when you mention it to your partner will be quite telling, OP. If he gets all annoyed, that's a red flag.

surreygirly · 23/10/2025 11:06

Clearing throat all the time can be a symptom of throat cncer - almost certainly not but get it checked asap

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 23/10/2025 12:36

Yuck the throat thing would turn my stomach 🤮

Hopingtobeaparent · 23/10/2025 13:43

@Conundrum85

Have the conversation with him, give him the feedback, and the chance to address it, before it explodes out of you in a way that will hurt him more. You’d rather know, and it’ll probably make you closer for it.

Nail biting is an anxiety thing and can be off putting.

The throat thing could be many things, has he had a change of medication for instance?

I’ve had to raise halitosis with people at times, yes, awful and awkward, but better to say something, kindly, than leaving it to build and then cause problems.

Yes, he’s more comfy, as hopefully are you.

Good luck!

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