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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I messed things up with new man?

69 replies

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 18:19

Dating around 8 months anyway without outing myself I started questioning him which he does not like, understandably. This was due to his hot/cold behaviour.

We had a bit of an argument and he hasn't spoken to me since. Albeit it has only been 3 days. I have tried to reach out and extend an olive branch and nothing.

What would you do?
I know he hasn't had a positive past with women and he describes himself as "jaded".

OP posts:
Crazycatladywithnocats · 19/10/2025 21:07

Forget about this loser. He blew hot and cold which you asked him about. He’s just proven you right. Take this silence and run with it,

napody · 19/10/2025 21:12

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/10/2025 18:31

YABU to be putting up with this shit, especially only eight months in. Runs hot and cold? Fuck that! So now he’s giving you the silent treatment. You say you’ve offered him an olive branch and he’s ignoring you. I promise he’s enjoying dangling you on a hook like this. He’s a childish manipulative twat. Just get rid of him.

Yep. Take the escape route you've been gifted.

TwistedWonder · 19/10/2025 21:14

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 21:06

When I mention it he says "how do I treat you badly". It puts me on the spot as it is hard to describe because of how subtle it is IYSWIM.

If he askes this again, how would you respond?

Why are you looking for a reason to stay with him and allow him to DARVO you?

If wouldnt happen again because I’d be long gone

JadziaD · 19/10/2025 21:15

You have said almost nothing in this thread and I can tell you treats you badly by 1 blowing hot and cold 2 ghosting you when you have an argument.

All hes foing is testing the waters. If you dont cave, he will dump you a yway so he can find someone who will. If you do, he k ow he can test you badly and you will accept it.

Even if you did sct unreasonably in your questions, is it honestly OK that when you apologise he still blanks you for at least 3 days? Where's your self respect?

More likely, you didnt do anything wrong.

Either way, he is ensuring you are less likely to question hi.m ever again.

DoYouReally · 19/10/2025 21:16

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 20:14

@Bobiverse
Yes he describes himself as an alpha male.

It is not easy to just block and move on. I am not going to reach out to him again. I tried and I am not going to chase him. Although I think that is what he wants, strangly.

It us just as easy as block and move on.

Absolutely, it is. You need to have more respect for yourself than allow people to mess with your emotions like that.

Bobiverse · 19/10/2025 21:17

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 21:06

When I mention it he says "how do I treat you badly". It puts me on the spot as it is hard to describe because of how subtle it is IYSWIM.

If he askes this again, how would you respond?

Don’t. Why do you need to respond?

You don’t need his permission to feel the way you feel, and you don’t need his permission to end it. So why would you even need to defend your position to him?

Your posts sound like you’re a little… easily lead maybe. He really doesn’t like you because men like that just don’t like women, not in a real way. You describe him as controlling but you still tried to reach out to him and get things going again. Just, why? Why would you want that?

It is very very easy to block and move on.

Ariel896 · 19/10/2025 21:18

Stop wasting your time on this loser?!

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 19/10/2025 21:20

He isnt interested in you. People who are interested in you do not blow hot and cold.

CJsGoldfish · 19/10/2025 21:20

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 21:06

When I mention it he says "how do I treat you badly". It puts me on the spot as it is hard to describe because of how subtle it is IYSWIM.

If he askes this again, how would you respond?

He wouldn't get the chance to ask again. My self respect and I would be long gone.
Alpha male. 'A bit controlling' He knows if he leaves it long enough you'll understand that HE is the victim here. Always being treated badly by women 🙄

It's clear you're going to wait until you can't stand it anymore and apologise for your 'wrongness' and promise never to do it again. I'm sure he's played this game before.

C'mon OP, you've been together 5 mins. Move on from this loser.

ThePoliteLion · 19/10/2025 21:28

He sounds awful. Try to work on your self esteem and move on. When you meet a nice guy, he won’t behave like this game-playing twat.

andfinallyhereweare · 19/10/2025 21:29

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 21:06

When I mention it he says "how do I treat you badly". It puts me on the spot as it is hard to describe because of how subtle it is IYSWIM.

If he askes this again, how would you respond?

Relationship counsellor here id respond with making me justify my feelings to see if my reasons are good enough to be upset is not treating me well.

GreatTheCat · 19/10/2025 21:49

Just leave him, and don't answer him if he replies.
What's wrong with you?

Dadof2HELP · 19/10/2025 22:00

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 18:19

Dating around 8 months anyway without outing myself I started questioning him which he does not like, understandably. This was due to his hot/cold behaviour.

We had a bit of an argument and he hasn't spoken to me since. Albeit it has only been 3 days. I have tried to reach out and extend an olive branch and nothing.

What would you do?
I know he hasn't had a positive past with women and he describes himself as "jaded".

That’s weird. He has issues, 3 days is 100% unreasonable.

walk away.

Rainbowqueeen · 19/10/2025 22:04

OP you haven't messed anything up and it is really worrying that you think you have. He is being a twat and is not deserving of any more of your time or energy.

The best thing you can do is block and move on. Entertaining a man like this is going to be hugely detrimental to your self esteem and mental health. Please don't do that to yourself.

Pollqueen · 19/10/2025 22:07

Emotional fuckwit. Leave him to it and find grown up who is capable of an adult relationship

pikkumyy77 · 20/10/2025 03:19

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/10/2025 20:22

You were unreasonable to not run a mile the moment he described himself as an alpha male. He absolutely does want you to chase him, it’s not strange at all, he enjoys controlling you.

Why exactly is it not easy to block him? He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t like you. He views you as less than him. Surely you can see that you’d be better off single than putting up with someone who treats you badly? Stop wasting your precious time on this loser.

This is what needs to be said. Alpha male is just toxic self regard—he means he wishes he could be a predator and dominate everyone.

Nextweektoo · 20/10/2025 05:10

Another vote for move on.

Brightbluesomething · 20/10/2025 16:28

My ex used to do this, but he didn’t start until after the honeymoon period when he’d reeled me in. If you go back this time, it’s a green light to punish and emotionally abuse you by withdrawing contact whenever he wants.
My ex did this whenever we disagreed, nearly always because he behaved badly and wouldn’t apologise.
If you go back to him, this will be the first of many posts asking why he’s treating you so badly. Save yourself the stress and worry and block him now. He’s not treating you well and he doesn’t deserve an explanation.

IamnotSethRogan · 20/10/2025 17:05

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 21:06

When I mention it he says "how do I treat you badly". It puts me on the spot as it is hard to describe because of how subtle it is IYSWIM.

If he askes this again, how would you respond?

I wouldn't give him a chance to be asked that again. You've described him as a controlling man who thinks hes an alpha male who's currently ignoring you because you said something he doesn't like so you will chase him.

What exactly did you say?

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