To be speaking to my exes exes

[KhakiOrca]

My EXH has just split up with the woman he cheated on me with. He cheated on her now too. And all she does is phone me up. Im going through a difficult time myself and dont mind talking to her as we are both sharing our emotions together. She is hurt that my ex cheated on her ( which I told her would happen when I first spoke to her yrs ago) I never blame the other woman. I blame the absolute arsehole of the man.
Well now my ex who I have recently split with, Im now talking to he's ex. My ex left his phone here when we split up and I unblocked a number on his contacts and then I saw a WhatsApp thing underneath the contact, so I clicked it only to see the photo of who it was and it started bloody calling her!
Anyway I clicked it off then all these messages started coming through. She was thinking its him. In the end I just replied that I was sorry didn't mean to call. Anyway my noseyness got the better of me and I pretended to be him. And found out he was also fucking cheating with her while he was with me.
Omg honestly I am so confused by my life right now. I eventually said he had left his phone here and she was now talking to me
So she still thinks she was actually talking to him until I said I now have his phone.
I suspected it was going on anyway so it didn't come as a shock, even though she was denying it when she called me.
I am just so hurt but so happy I knew I wasn't going mad.
Again, I have no hard feeling toward her either. We actually got on well, same as the other women from my ex husband. But within days of things happening. I am now talking to two exes of two exes and getting on well with them.
I know not all men are arseholes but the ones I have met are.
It's so easy for women to hate the other woman. But I actually pity them and feel sorry for them.
People keep telling me they would be fuming with the other women but I am really not! Just the arsehole men.
I dont know what my AIBU is really. But just wondering if anyone else has actually felt sorry the the other woman.

So AIBU to feel sorry for the other women.

Did they know the men were in relationships when they got together? That makes a difference for me.
I do agree that it’s the man who made a commitment to you, so he is definitely who you should be angry at. I wouldn’t blame the women in that respect, however feeling sorry for them is different…that would depend on if they thought they were dating a single man and have now learned they weren’t, in that case I’d feel bad for them, but if they knew? I wouldn’t feel angry at the them, but I also wouldn’t feel bad for them either.

I hope you are ok though. If talking to them helps you deal with the break up then do it. But don’t get too friendly would be my caution because trauma bonding isn’t necessarily the basis for a friendship.

Yes they both knew and one was married herself.
And yeah I agree with you about not getting too close to them.But it does kind of help to process certain things.

I disagree. I am starting to think all men are arseholes and that you’re not unlucky. You just engaged with men.

I wouldn't be talking to these ex girlfriends of his. Nothing good will come of it and you get stuck in the drama.

Just focus on your own life.

all she does is phone me up.

You have got yourself into a situation you need to get out of. Step away and focus on living your life, not living in the past. Block them all.

This woman knew he was in a relationship with you and shagged him anyway. I'd have clobbered her not offered comfort. YABU.

For heaven's sake, just stop!! Move on with your life.

I don't really understand your post and find it hard to follow, but I tend to be of the opinion that the OW is as much to blame as the cheater, unless she genuniely didn't think he was in a relationship. I wouldn't bother with these exes or with him, either. Just move on from the lot of them.

I could understand if you wanted details for closure but it's really not helpful in the long run. Tell her what goes around comes around, karmas a bitch and move on!

If they knew about you, to HELL with them!

Women like that are the SCOURGE of this society; they don't CARE about you, they care about a quick wet dick tip and 5 seconds of pleasure - they have underlying 'mummy daddy' issues - anyone who thinks it's ok to participate in helping a man wreck his family unit does!

Secondly, what's 'talking' to them going to achieve? No they're not better looking than you, their sex, ass, hair, lips or body isn't 'better', they're just certified, 'broken home' heauxs.

Let's say for arguments sake you all become real good friends, how long do you think that is going to last? The common denominator is YOU, the one thing you all have in common is HIM; they all fked YOUR man, so they won't be the 'wifey for lifey dedicated type' friends, they will lay in wait for you to get your new man, because they seem to LOVE what 'you' have, then do the EXACT same thing to you again - here's hoping 'that' guy is a decent one who would rip them another asshole if they even tried it!

Men who cheat are the problem. Women don’t owe a cheater’s partner anything.

How many men with partners have you thrown your 'bored' self at 'Zelda' (?) - they are BOTH for the gutter, they are BOTH as bad as each other, but that wasn't what was being asked here, WAS IT? Keep up! 🙂

I had the same situation. Husband cheated and went on to marry the side piece. He then cheated with her and they divorced 4 years later. Like with me, he up and left her to sort all the household items. She found our divorce certificate in his paperwork. She added me as a friend on Facebook and asked if she could call me. He had told her we divorced a year prior to them getting together and she seemed genuinely shocked and apologetic about it. It provided me/us some closure on it all but it was left after that. She tried to message me months after our call with questions but I nipped it in the bud. It doesn't do well to dwell on the past. Sever contact with both and look forward.

The men are awful for cheating. But the women are awful too
Any decent woman, with even a shred of integrity, backs away fast from any man in a relationship.

I have had quite a number of men who are in relationships let me know they are interested in me. I don't hop into bed with them, I back away as fast as I can.

If they knew you existed then they're not great people are they, yes they don't owe you anything and it's more his fault, but it's not really good behaviour is it. I suspect talking to them keeps these men present in your head - I think you need to cut ties, cut all this drama out and move on.

If they didn't know fair enough but they DID !!! why you're giving them your time i have no idea id be laughing in her face and finding it utterly hilarious. You seem a bit of a doormat tbh and that's likely why you're attracting these types of men .

I have just come home from a night out with my last exes girlfriend. I needed to see her and speak with her face to face. I did that tonight. She is much more attractive than me.i met her last minute. I got on a bus and met her. She is lovely. She is genuine, and we are now kind of friends. I have no loyalty to her nor my ex.
I also spoke to my ex husbands ex tonight too. She is going through hell.and we are meeting up next weekend. I need to see how these men have behaved.
Tonight I really got on well with my last partners ex. She got me drinks, she told me how he was with her, she tells me she still loves him. I told her he still loves her too. We had a good chat. He still loves me too. But there's something she doesn't know. Nor will she. Thats my secret.

She is a lovely woman. And we're gonna go away together soon. She doesn't know that I have a secret. Im not telling her either

My ex husbands ex, were meeting up by the coast. A place where my last ex loved. He even left me stranded there.

I am actually really glad with this connection I have with these women.

And I know my ex es are absolute arseholes. My last ex is trauma bonded to me. And his ex has that thing too. He abused us both.

sorry op you sound quite like you're getting a thrill out of all this. how many exes have you contacted now? why on earth would you want to entertain these women who are cheats themselves? they were happy to get together with married men so that shows their characters. what's the secret you she doesn't know? it all sounds extremely messy, you seem to be getting something out of the drama.

But my ex, he's in prison for beating me up. And I didnt tell her tonight. But she did tell me he would beat her too..
He ruined her clothes and put her make up in the bath full of water. He also fave her a black eye.but she told me that she would fight back and he liked it.
I couldn't fight back with this maniac as I thought he would kill me.

Im wondering if I should tell her he's in prison.!!!

Should I tell her.?
She tells me he was the love of her life

Im not getting a thrill out of it. Actually its quite the opposite.
I do have the secret that hes in prison. Im wondering if to tell her as she loves him so much. What she told me tonight.

Im really struggling with all this.
Cos the woman who was with my ex husband is now being cheated on. She found pics of them by linking in to his iPad. And sent stuff to his boss. And i actually feel sorry for her too.
Im meeting up with her soon too.
I just dunno what is happening with me.
I think I am feeling better than them as they are going through shit. And it makes me feel better
But my last ex. I love him so much.the one who beat me, then one who's ex i met tonight. We have a bit of a bond now but I feel I need to tell her the truth.
She made sure I got home ok tonight.
She dropped me off in an uber before she got home. She was with another bloke. But she paid for it all.

Do I tell her?
I really don't want to. As I don't even feel he should be in prison. I really want to withdraw my statement and for him to carry on and for me to carry on too.

of course you should tell this woman about ex being in prison and then she can make her own decision whether to be with him or not. for her own safety tell her