DH commenting on what I eat - AIBU?

[Christmasnearlydone]

Bit of background - I am on the weight loss jabs and have lost about 4+ stone so far. I know I am eating in a calorie deficit but I am not necessarily eating all the wholesome food I should be. But that's fine because I know this, and I am slowly changing my eating habits. I play competitive sport 2+ times a week and make sure I am fuelled for these.

The other night DH started a discussion about how he thinks I eat too many sweet things and should cut down. To avoid an argument I stayed mostly silent but listened to what he had to say. I did say that I know I eat too much sweet things but am slowly trying to change that (which he knows, we've discussed it at length before that I need to change my eating habits). The issue I had is that all previous discussions have been instigated by me when I wanted to discuss it with him - his comments this time came out of nowhere.

When I didn't offer much response to him he said 'oh so we're not discussing this then?' I said something along the lines of 'ok thanks for your comments, but I don't really want to discuss it right now and haven't actually asked for your opinion'. I didn't shout or snap, I said it calmly.

WIBU in my reply? Because apparently the way I spoke to him about it was really shitty and was pretty much a 'fuck you and your opinion' and he is still trying to get over it. In my defence I thought I was shutting down the conversation without being unkind and I think he overreacted.

This. The jabs aren’t supposed to allow you to continue eating poorly.

My DH has struggled with his weight for the entire time we’ve been together (25 years). I would never ever comment on what he eats. It’s a sensitive subject and anything I say, no matter how kindly meant, would just sound judgemental to him. Your DH needs to learn that this is a no to area. Congratulations on your weight loss, you’re doing brilliantly!

You don't need to apologise you didn't shout or snap, you spoke calmly, he just didn't like that you weren't happy to have a conversation and didn't appreciate his approach. You weren't rude at all and he needs to get over himself.

Hm. Two things here: it’s not up to your DH to police what you eat, but is he genuinely concerned about how this is going to work out in future? Secondly, years back, I tried Saxenda. I hated it because it made me feel sick. Worse than that, I stopped eating healthily and ONLY ate junk. I didn’t fancy healthy food. I stopped using it because I was actually concerned about its effect on me

I literally said it is worth the risks because of the benefits of weight loss. But if you don’t teach yourself how to eat and kick the sugar addictions, then you’ll out all the weight back on. Which means you risk the side effects of WLI without the benefit of reducing the risks associated with obesity. Making the whole thing pointless.

Neither of you are in the wrong. As your DH, it's not strange for him to notice and be concerned that even with the injections you're still eating poorly. It's also not strange for you not to want to discuss it and to make that clear, and to expect him to respect that.

Yes but she’s been discussing it at length with him, using her words, and at her instigation, on how she has to change her eating habits, that exact same subject. So it’s very unreasonable to then decide he can’t raise it at all, and continue that conversation, as it’s now off limits. Without explaining this to him,

i think as said he just hit her sore spot, she knows she’s eating too much crap and not losing weight in a healthy manner and she knows full well she’s in trouble when she comes off and it’s going to come piling back on and more if she doesn’t get it sorted.

I’m in maintenance now on these drugs, lost over 6 stone, I did over haul my diet fully, and from day 1, and my husband has now started on them, and quite frankly if he was eating unhealthy and injecting at the same time, I’d have a word with him and have no qualms about doing so. If he then said back off. I want to eat crap and inject and my weight will drop as I don’t eat enough of the good stuff as well so am in a cal deficit, I’d back off, but I’d be side eyeing him and be disappointed in his choices. As well as thinking what a waste of time and money. And I’d not engage on it further with him.

no one likes to see their partner make bad choices that hurts them. And yes sometimes you jist need to watch them do it and get fat again. But it’s reasonable if they’d engaged you in lengthy conversations on it to think you could continue to engage.

I agree with the sentiment, but the OP didn't ask any of us for feedback on her diet any more than she asked her husband. The question was if her reaction to his unwelcome comments was unreasonable, not if she's losing weight in the most effective and healthy way possible.
She is managing her own body and weight in a way that works for her.

It's a very sad day when married couples can't offer each other advice. If I thought my DH really was eating too many sweet things, I'd tell him. I wouldn't think it a bloody liberty if he did the same to me either. Marriage is supposed to be about caring and supporting each other and for that to work effectively, you can't live in an isolated bubble. You've had numerous conversations about your diet and sweet things with him before, so he is rightly invested. So yeah, I get why he's pissed off.

YABU. I have a friend who constantly says ‘oh I shouldn’t be eating xyz’ then does anyway and complains about the impact. It’s irritating af and she hates it if anyone says ‘oh I thought you were avoiding x’. It’s boring for other people when you constantly say you’re going to do something and then don’t! Especially if you then complain about the impact.
I have a nut allergy but if I ate nuts intentionally and then complained about having a reaction I think people would understandably find it very frustrating.

Sure but it’s not some school exam it’s a chat forum, and people, especially people who know the drugs, are quite rightly pointing out her husband was within his rights to comment given the context. And also the very big detrimental impact if she’s only got a year to get this sorted of still eating crap on the drugs.

i would imagine she had these big convos as she was going on the drugs, about how they would help her change her habits. Got his support. Now she’s just eating less but the same crap and she doesn’t want it pointing out to her.

of course it’s up to the op, she can do as she pleases, inject and then eat a mars bar, but in a few months when she comes off the drugs she’s going to be horrified at just how fast the weight comes back on.

We'll have to agree to disagree as I don't think l anyone, husbands included, has the right to comment without invitation on how his wife manages her health, body, diet or medications.
Like all of us using WLI she'll have heard enough comments about how she'll pile the weight back on when she stops using them, that it's cheating, General Concerns, how it's not retraining eating habits, Sharon Osbourne's face etc for a lifetime

Ok as I think when you have multiple conversations with someone about changing your eating habits you have extended the invite to comment

as said, I’m also on the meds.im happy to discuss it and don’t hide it, and I certainly don’t think if I discuss it with someone and take their time, I then have the right to decide they can never mention it again unless I instigate the conversation, not at least without telling them that’s rhe rules.

amd she’s spending a lot of money to do this. Not as much as most, but still she’s spending 1200 quid and got one year, so continuing to eat lots of chocolate and sweet stuff is just squandering her opportunity. Her decision obvs, but she is the one who raised the convo with him about how she wanted to change her eating habits.

i also don’t beleive marriage to be as isolated as yours is or think it should be. If my husband wants to comment on my food etc that’s fine, and I’m happy to have a convo with him if required, because few people take your approach of watch them harm themselves and say nothing.

This may seem a bit off topic, but statistically, one of the reasons why married men are “happier & healthier” is because they have a wife who helps them with their diet, exercise and makes them visit the doctor etc when needed.

From your post it looks like you have a loving DH who can see that you want to lose weight (you’re on the jabs), knows that to maintain weight loss you actually need to adjust your eating habits, and is trying to encourage you to do that.

Just like one of the statistical husbands at the start of my post probably moans that his wife “nagged him” to eat healthier/exercise more/go to the doctor; he will, most likely, live longer, be healthier and happier because of it.

You’re pissy with your DH as he’s being honest with you. He may not be telling you what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.

So, do you want to live longer and ultimately be healthier and (most likely) happier? If so, put up with a bit of “nagging” (hate that term) about it your eating habits; statistically it’ll help you in the long run.

The OP has lost over 4 stone while using WLI so is 'hardly squandering the opportunity', nor is she harming herself. She is exercising and adapting her eating habits over a period of time. We have no idea how much sweet food she is eating, just that she doesn't appreciate her husband's - or presumably anyone else's - judgement about it.

Of course she’s squandering it, if she’s lost 4 stone she’s well into her one year and she’s still not changed her eating habits, which if she can’t do it on, she’s sure as hell not going to do it off, which means when she comes off and the hunger returns she will have no good habits to fall back on, and the weight will come roaring back on, most people who have to come off regain anyway, but at least give yourself a fighting chance.

but 12 month window, 4 stone loss, she is prob at least half way through her window, maybe a lot more and she’s still not changed them.

this isn’t about how much she can lose on them, it is about keeping it off after. And as it stands she has no chance, and that’s sqaundering it.

Well thank goodness she has you to judge her progress. I'm sure that's what what she was after when she posted and as we all know being judged always helps someone on their weight loss journey.

Depends. Have you asked him to help you eat better? Also I might be pissed off if DH was spending money on WLI and not changing his diet, as long term it’s only going to be sustainable without the sweet treats.

Oh my. It was in response to comments, I fully understand you wish to police people’s comments and have them answer only whay she asked, but this is not how chat forums work. People are free to respond and commenting the husband was right and has a right to be concerned given the context is not wrong, even if you feel people should only respond to specifically what was asked.

I'm not policing. I just think it's a rather unpleasant thing to do, when woman has posted in frustration at her OH offering unwanted advice and criticism for anyone else to then do the exact same thing to her.