What is life as a doctor really like?

[Diy322]

I wanted to be a doctor from a very young age, I got absolutely amazing grades at gcse but I then got depressed during my A’levels due to going through a traumatic event and was a shell of myself. I failed miserably and couldn’t get into any medical schools. I had no help at all as my parents never went to university and never encouraged me. I don’t even think they cared about my achievements for my gcse results. I actually got named in our local village newspaper! Not just me a few others too but my parents were never impressed. I didn’t really do much with my life after A’levels.

I feel a sense of jealously when I hear about other peoples kids getting into medical school and the amazing families they have that support them. I really could have achieved something if my parents had supported me, I just feel bitter. Not just about the lack of educational support but the way they dealt with me when I obviously was going through something but they didn’t care enough.

I don’t want to derail my own thread by making it all about my family so my question is what is life really like for doctors?

Please don’t make fun of this as I’ve never shared as an adult - but I remember at age 14 telling my careers advisor I want to go through a programme with the army as they were advertising at the time they will sponsor medical degrees. I was planning to get in via this route and after training and serving I would be working in AE then when I was older and had a family I would switch to GP! I remember being so young and being so excited about my future.

How old are you now?
are you still interested in this career?
do you work in healthcare?
im a doctor, but i went straight from school to uni to work - with a little break after resitting my finals

@Notnewbutveryold how do you find it? I wonder sometimes if I should encourage my own kids to do it.

issue is I have no time or bandwidth to even think of studying. I’m in my 50’s and my youngest 6.

It’s exhausting and very stressful. I can’t keep up with the admin burden. The emotional toll is high. But it’s interesting - can be rewarding - and I have some great colleagues and autonomy as a consultant.

I will be keen to retire at 55 and would not encourage my children to be a doctor.

The NHS is very, very difficult. You are simply not given the resources to do a good job, IMO, and you don't have long enough with patients to develop a decent therapeutic relationship. I'm in my late 30s and already do very little NHS work - about 90% of my work is in the private sector now. I love being a doctor when I'm working privately, but my NHS days are incredibly stressful.

Over-rated.

I was desperate to be a doctor.

The hours, the bullying, the burnout, the PTSD...

I have a nice life now but I used to calculate my pension every week to try to work out how soon I could get out. No doctors are encouraging their kids to be doctors.

There are others ways to make the salary and be valued in your community.

Stressful, long hours, hard work, bullying, not enough resources to do the job you want to do, complaints even though you didn't do anything wrong, PTSD. I mean, sometimes you have a really good result, and the job satisfaction is there, but overall I suspect the job will kill me before I can retire.

Depends on the specialty - I’m a nephrologist and we keep our patients for decades! Which was part of the appeal.

Agree about the admin burden, but my job plan has enough flexibility in it for me to do most of the school runs (I do then work on a Saturday afternoon to keep up with things). And my colleagues are genuine friends.**

Since you have no interest in pursuing a medical degree now, what is the point of knowing what the job is like? You will have some say great and others who regret the money and time invested. Are any of your children interested? If so, you can steer them in the right direction to find out for themselves if they think a good fit. I’m sorry you lacked support, it sounds like you could really benefit from some therapy sessions to process the loss of the dream and release bitterness

The studying is intense and the shift work brutal. You will need absolutely watertight childcare, standard childcare does not cover unsocial hours - after 6pm, nights & weekends etc.

The GPs I see don't want to be running their surgeries like they do. I have an excellent GP - if I ask for a referral for me or a relative, he asks me to email him with a summary that he can use for the form because I'm going to give a much better history than he can. When I needed a wheelchair for DD1, I emailed him the completed referral form so he could just sign it. There's no way he'd have the time to be measuring her during a 10 minutes appointment. Today, he saw me passing with DD2 for her blood test and called me into his office to ask how DD1 is because he saw her on Friday and was worried. He's amazing. Unfortunately, with the way the surgery operates, I can only book an appointment with him if he happens to be duty doctor in 2 weeks' time.

I don't think junior A&E doctors want to discharge half the patients that they are forced to, either. And I doubt that the medical doctors want to keep patients in hospital just so they don't lose their scan slots.

My daughter actually wants to be a dentist. I don’t know enough and need to help her research it more

Your Doctor sounds so lovely!

For another perspective my husband is a doctor - now a consultant in a very specialist area and though he is busy, he works in the community, doesn't do overtime or shift work and is very well paid. (NHS)

I am a GP aged 60 … not in the UK but in NZ
i am sorry that you are facing this regret… life can be unfair and it’s hard to look back and have those feelings.
I have no plans to retire .. I really enjoy my job but it’s not as well paid as people think and I am not financially able to retire… no NHS pension here!
I came from a dysfunctional background .. Dad an angry and bitter alcoholic and Mum needy and spent her whole life wanting to be rescued.
Being a doctor was a calling and I was lucky and worked hard academically and managed a place at med school.. my parents were shocked!
Med school was a culture shock.. lots middle class private school kids and I had huge imposter syndrome.
I work in a rural community . I knew that if I worked full time I wouldn’t cope ..officially I work part time but this eek my part time hrs are 38 hrs ( full time 60 hrs plus)
The administrative burden is huge… hours and hours.
In NZ there is a better GP service .. so I can order same day imaging including CT scan, if I want urgent bloods a courier will pick the samples and take to lab in nearest city.. it makes my job more satisfying and interesting and I can manage lots in community. I like acute care and it uses my skills.
i like getting to know people over a long period time too.. there are people and families I have cared for 20 yrs. I love end of life care .. being able support people at home.
Medicine came at cost as met my husband late 30’;s and despite all the flash fertility treatment was not able to have children.
I am lucky, medicine is my calling, I have found my space.
Have you thought being an ambulance officer/paramedic.. training is shorter and may give you a bit of what you crave.
Best wishes.

I imagine it’s quite similar to being a teacher. No support, time, resources or equipment, comparable amounts of swearing and violence, but slightly more blood.

Honestly I totally get that at 50 you are reassessing and looking back at your life choices. It is totally natural to do this at your age.
Did you make the right decision? Yes
Were your parents decent? No
but then you get to a point that there’s no use navel gazing and you have to be happy and live in the here and now!!
You didn’t do it when you were young and please consider that an absolute blessing.
Medical training is brutal and once you’re in the system you’re stuck in it one way or another unless you go private.
You can use your skills to go into another caring profession.
Take it from someone who knows first hand that if they could go back they would put their skills and qualifications into something more flexible and especially with kids involved.
Also they all look loaded through their jobs but they’ve all had family money and help to put deposits on their houses and buy smeg fridges etc etc.
Def would not want our kids going into medicine!
NHS falling apart and huge strains on marriage and family life.
Be thankful.🙏

It is interesting that your pang of jealousy is for dc getting into medical school, supported by their family, not say someone your own age being a consultant geriatrician. Sounds like you have a pang for the prestige, similar to being able to say dc got into oxbridge. And also seeing others having support that you didn't.
Don't encourage your kids to do medicine. It is a tough life, and something they need to choose for themselves. Instead, support them in whatever they chose. Don't get caught up in the prestige- it they love a course at a former poly, back them all the way. Be their number 1 supporter. Whatever you do, don't try to live the life you think u should have had through them.

My son’s a doctor and says that the most miserable doctors are those whose parents are very keen for them to do it. It’s tough enough, without thinking about your parents self esteem. Really, really wanting to be a doctor is what keeps you going in the tough times.

I work a little as possible to maintain my mental health.
I went to med school age 17 and have done nothing else since.
I am currently looking for a way out. I lack the ability to think creatively so I have struggled.

DH is also a doctor currently sat I front of question time doing remote work/emails. We wouldn't encourage anyone to do it here in the UK/NHS.

I’m the same age as you and I am a Dr. No one in my family was and they were not particularly keen for me to be (they would have preferred I chose something else) but they were good supportive parents in general. I really really wanted to do it and no one would have managed to put me off but I only had a very vague idea what I was getting myself into

I have largely enjoyed my job but it has been and is a hard road. It consumes your whole life for many years when you are young and training with shift work, exams and moving around on rotation. I missed a lot of stuff like friends weddings because of on calls that I could not swop. I largely don’t have the time or energy for very much outside of work and family life. I am not a great friend and I can’t sustain any serious hobbies. It’s a vocation not just a job.

It doesn’t pay that marvellously. I am not Mumsnet rich. We can’t afford private education or skiing holidays. Even the prestige and respect for Drs is not really there any more I’d say (not that I personally care a whole lot about that)

I would not have tried to stop and of my DC but I am relieved that neither seem interested. Sometimes I do wish that I did something else. I also have a PhD and I sometimes wish I had a career in science. Not well paid but much more interesting to really be at the cutting edge. I feel that I do help people and have helped a lot of people which is what I wanted when I was young but I don’t feel I made any lasting difference. I feel I am just putting my finger in a chink in the dam of unmet need. It’s a bit unsatisfying after a while. Like Groundhog Day.

Paediatrics is busy, pressured, exhausting. Love the patients and the work but not compatible with having a family.

I’ve just had my 30 year uni reunion. I love my job but I am a specialty doctor and not a consultant. I work in a hospice and so avoid a lot of the NHS stuff people struggle with!
we have lots of time and really treat people the way the NHS would if it was better resources.
Of me and my two best friends from uni, we have 7 children and none went to be doctors! I have one nurse

I’m sure she can do this herself. Support her, but try not to over-involve yourself because of an unrealised dream.

What do you do now? Have you considered doing your nurse training? It’s only 3 years, with opportunities to train as a ACP after a few years which is very very similar to a junior doctor?

FWIW I absolutely love being a nurse. It’s demanding and frustrating but personally the job satisfaction far outweighs the challenges we face everyday.

Kindly, OP, I think that some therapy would help you process this unrealised dream, and regrets. I also think it would be psychologically helpful for you to stop putting this on your parents to avoid admitting to yourself that, for understandable reasons, you just underperformed at A-level. You presumably chose not to retake them. I get that it’s difficult.