What is life as a doctor really like?

[Diy322]

I wanted to be a doctor from a very young age, I got absolutely amazing grades at gcse but I then got depressed during my A’levels due to going through a traumatic event and was a shell of myself. I failed miserably and couldn’t get into any medical schools. I had no help at all as my parents never went to university and never encouraged me. I don’t even think they cared about my achievements for my gcse results. I actually got named in our local village newspaper! Not just me a few others too but my parents were never impressed. I didn’t really do much with my life after A’levels.

I feel a sense of jealously when I hear about other peoples kids getting into medical school and the amazing families they have that support them. I really could have achieved something if my parents had supported me, I just feel bitter. Not just about the lack of educational support but the way they dealt with me when I obviously was going through something but they didn’t care enough.

I don’t want to derail my own thread by making it all about my family so my question is what is life really like for doctors?

Please don’t make fun of this as I’ve never shared as an adult - but I remember at age 14 telling my careers advisor I want to go through a programme with the army as they were advertising at the time they will sponsor medical degrees. I was planning to get in via this route and after training and serving I would be working in AE then when I was older and had a family I would switch to GP! I remember being so young and being so excited about my future.

Agreed. I feel for you OP, but it doesn’t seem healthy to continue to blame your parents.
Truth is, most of us weren’t given a hand up.

I’ve read similar here before @AnnaMagnani when you say no doctors are encouraging their kids to be doctors. But in my DC’s cohort at med school, most of her friends have at least 1 medic parent, often 2! So it looks like they’ve been just as ineffective as I’ve been in dissuading their offspring from doing medicine 🤣
I do tell my daughter that it’s a very well-respected degree though - loads of possible jobs outside clinical medicine - which to be fair, she does at least acknowledge!

I retrained as a doctor later in life, (early thirties) and am now at a very early stage of my career. I do not think I would do it again. I have not got plans to leave imminently, though may well face unemployment at the end of foundation training in any case (a greater than 50% chance going by current statistics). It is rewarding in some ways, but also stressful. Moral injury is real. It’s not family-friendly, especially in early stages, including to an extent the degree itself, which you’d be doing whilst your youngest is still little.

I am sorry you felt unsupported and unappreciated and have regrets, and do think you so deserve good therapy to explore your feelings and come to terms with your life as it’s panned out. You also deserve to get to a stage where you would have time or bandwidth to study (whatever subject). With luck, you have many good years ahead of you and absolutely can choose to re-train and reinvent yourself. However, a medical degree and career comes at a great cost and in some ways you have dodged a bullet, in my opinion.

As others have said, it’s vital your children don’t feel any pressure to realise your unfulfilled dreams. I would also be worried (albeit supportive) if I had a child wanting to become a doctor.

The best thing you can do for your children is encourage and champion their interests, and seek early support for them if they experience difficulties in their challenging teenage years (as you did). And for yourself, you owe yourself time to heal and reflect with professional support. All the best to you.