Inspired after reading another thread about OPs niece refusing to go to a wedding if her dads girlfriends daughter was attending.
I have a friend currently going through a similar situation and it led to a bit of a heated discussion between us.
My male friend Chris was with his wife Laura for 20 years and married 15.
They have two children who are 16 and 14 both girls.
Sadly the relationship broke down and they agreed to separate 2 years ago, Laura still loved Chris but they had started arguing constantly and originally it was supposed to be a temporary situation but then Chris met Sophie through work 7 months later.
Chris and Laura are both 42, Sophie is 30 with a daughter of 12, Bella.
Bella has never met her dad and Sophie raised her completely alone.
Chris insisted for a long time that he and Sophie were just friends but eventually admitted they had started seeing each other and they moved in together just over a year ago.
Chris moved into Sophie’s small 3 bed house meaning there isn’t much space. Bella has her own reasonable sized room but his daughters now have to share a box room with bunk beds. Before Chris moved in with Sophie he had a large 3 bed flat with both girls having their own rooms when they stayed at his house.
Laura also has a boyfriend who has kids, a boy and a girl of 5 and 7 but she hadn’t introduced them to her girls.
Now Chris’s daughters hate visiting him, they don’t get on with Bella who winds them up constantly but Sophie refuses not to believe it, she comes across as a sweet girl but I do believe she’s said some of the things that the girls have accused her of. She also goes into their room and helps herself to their possessions, has accidentally “lost” or “broken” things and is very possessive over Chris. If his daughters try to talk to him or have any of his attention then Bella find a reason so the focus is on her.
I am still friends with Laura as well so I hear things from her and I know Laura has tried hard to encourage good relations between everyone for the sake of of the kids and tried to encourage them to get on with Bella so I think this is likely to be true. I know she doesn’t agree with how Chris is trying to force the situation but never says anything negative to her daughters or shows how painful this must have been for her especially seeing her daughters unhappy.
Chris is consistently trying to push all the kids together and doesn’t seem to spend any time alone with his girls, he invites Bella and Sophie to all extended family events and refuses to go if they don’t.
Recently there has been a similar situation to the thread I referenced with the wedding where his girls don’t want Bella and Sophie to go and have refused to go this time if they are invited.
There is a family bonfire night get together that’s a tradition with fireworks, a bonfire, food and drinks and Laura was invited and attended after she had split with Chris and was invited this year.
I know Laura isn’t planning on going and suggested to Chris that he just go on his own with their daughters as the rest of the family would prefer that as well.
This has caused a huge row and Chris asked me my opinion, he said Sophie is putting a huge amount of pressure on him to be invited and he doesn’t want to upset her.
I gave him some home truths saying he was trying too hard to force the blended family and needed to slow things down. I said he needed to spend time alone with his daughters and show them they matter and I thought a good way of showing this would be to go to the bonfire party alone with them. He is trying to hard to keep Sophie happy and part of this seems to be being a father to Bella, it’s not fair on his own daughters and if a woman was doing this she’d be accused of putting dick before her kids and slated for it.
I read the other thread to him as an example of what happens when kids resent blended family situations.
Chris said as most of the comments were saying that the nieces in the OP were unkind and bullies that this actually proved that Sophie and Bella should be invited to the family party and his daughters should be more accepting.
I just wanted some opinions and I can maybe show him the thread later. I also thought it’d be interesting to see if the people who were adamant the girls were mean unpleasant bullies in the previous OP would have thought the same now they have heard the other side of a similar story and realise it’s not as black and white.
I have name changed for this and I have no connection with the previous thread. I just felt a bit annoyed for the girls being called bullies, bitches and brats knowing it’s not ever that simple when kids are forced into living or family situations with people they didn’t choose or even like and watching their father raise another child full time.