...to expect to be told when CM is taking DH out on a trip?

[SecretSquirrelandMoroccoMole]

She usually takes him around our local area but thinks it's okay to take him out of town (30 min drive away) without telling me first. I've signed a general consent form covering all trips during our contract, but isn't it just courteous to expect to be told 'Oh, we're going in the car to XYZ tomorrow'?

Actually I asked the first child thing because you said that it wasn't about trust or permission so I was trying to work out what it was about. It's the sort of thing I vaguely remember worrying about with ds1, but haven't done with the others.I was trying to see if you were understandably unreasonable.

But I have to agree with colditz - asking if you YWBU seems pointless as you're not prepared to think you are.

I personally (having used childminders and nurseries but never nannies) think that it is unreasonable to expect the childminder to tell you as a courtesy. When I pick up my children from the childminders there's generally lots going on. She doesn't have time to give me a rundown if she's going to care for the other children properly. She always sends through photos by email later that evening and would answer any questions I had promptly- but I wouldn't be getting myself in a stew if she'd taken the kids somewhere without telling me first (in fact she takes severely disabled ds1 all over the place- which he loves- and places I would never even think to try with him - which is great for him).

Thing is, it's pretty rare that someone on an AIBU thread accepts the verdict of 'yes, you are'.

Nice name, though SS+MM, do they ever air that show over here?

Funnily enough, Vintage, I'd wondered the same PMT thing about you! Goes to show you can read too much into words on a screen, doesn't it?

Getback - I can see now from your explanation that your 'first child' statement wasn't meant to be as blunt as it sounded (it did sound attitudinal, the way you wrote it!) so apols for snapping back at you!

NotQuite - I didn't realise there was an obligation to accept people's 'yes, you are' verdicts. Is there? Why should there be? I thought AIBU was all about canvassing opinions? Hmm...I can feel a new thread coming along...

Thanks for your thumbs up on the name...sadly I don't think it is aired in the UK (assuming that's where you are) any more but I reckon it'll be on you tube.

Why should this need a special 'courtesy' though? That sorts of implies you think it was rude of her not to ask/tell you, and I'm not sure why this is. You did agree to trips so it probably would never cross her mind to check with you about any trips, and I doubt she thought, well, obviously Mrs S agrees to trips, but this is a different trip as she probably doesn't even think of as out of the ordinary. What would be different if she did ask your permission or tell you in advance? Do you not approve of short drives?
30minutes is really not a long time!

Message withdrawn

'attitudinal'

wow.

MsD, I said earlier that I'm not angry about the situation, so it's not a matter of me thinking CM has been rude. Canvassing opinions here (and yes, I am genuinely seeking other people's views, not just to confirm my own!) has made me see that it's a more subtle issue than I'd originally thought.

I suppose the best analogy I can think of is that it feels a bit like your partner popping out to the shops for half an hour but not telling you. So you think they're indoors but they're not actually around. It's not the end of the world, but just feels a bit...well, odd.

30 minutes' drive for some people isn't that long but I think we've established on this thread that that totally depends on where you live.

I have learned one thing from this thread which pertains to my CM situation. Some people on this thread made incorrect assumptions about my relationship with my CM, assuming that I don't trust her. Our brains do this as a matter of course, they're wired to 'fill in the gaps' so that life makes sense to us. As we all know, though, assumption is regularly the mother of all -

Similarly I had assumed that most parents would want to have their CM mention (and I mean mention, not some kind of formalised advance warning) that they're taking their child somewhere out of their locality. Clearly for some of you this isn't an issue, so I was wrong to assume about this. I still think it's okay to ask the CM to let me know about such trips, and I know that on this thread some people feel the same way and some don't. That's allowed, isn't it! We don't all have to think the same way about everything. I can see that the problem has been caused by me assuming rather than talking about it with my CM.

It's not been particularly nice for me to be on the receiving end of incorrect assumptions on this thread, particularly when it's resulted in some posters being pretty unpleasant. Thankfully I haven't been unpleasant to my CM about my own assumptions, and I'm certainly not too big to apologise so I'll give her a call and sort it all out.

Thanks again for your thoughts, despite some false assumptions and nasty comments, it has been useful!!

May I politely suggest you use the childminders section, rather than AIBU, next time you have a query about something your childminder has done/not done?

She forgot to tell us, maybe made up her mind on that particular day because the weather was good? I'd be a bit miffed but as long as your child had a good time....

FGS!
{i have most definately not got pmt}

Vi, come back over chick..

I think the OP has got a point, MNers on the AIBU pages can get a bit hufty when their advice is rejected.