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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DD15 sleepover at her girlfriend's house?

40 replies

Sparrow7 · 15/10/2025 08:33

DD15 met a girl the same age but from a different school a couple of months ago at sixth form college open day and they immediately hit it off. They have been hanging out a lot and DD has stayed over a few times. (I've met her mum and she is lovely). They have now decided to start dating. I think now they are dating she shouldn't stay over. DH doesn't care as "it's not like anyone is in danger of getting pregnant."
For context she has a twin brother who has been with his girlfriend 6 months. We have previously discussed that are not allowed to sleepover at each other's houses (not that they've asked) and that we would revisit the conversation once they are both 16.
DD told me a couple of years ago that she is gay but this is her first relationship.
YANBU - Sleepovers are no longer appropriate and consistency with DS is important.
YABU - Let her sleepover, she was allowed to before and changing the rules now just makes it weird.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 15/10/2025 08:35

Usually the reason sleepovers are not permitted is risk of pregnancy. This doesn’t apply.

it also doesn’t usually stop the teens in question having sex as they do it elsewhere and else when.

Solipsis92 · 15/10/2025 08:35

I think it's going to cause problems with your ds if your dd can sleepover with her girlfriend but he can't with his, so I would say no.

Yourcalllove · 15/10/2025 08:36

No, no I would not

Yourcalllove · 15/10/2025 08:36

and that we would revisit the conversation once they are both 16.

and not at 16 either!!

Bigpinksweater · 15/10/2025 08:37

Of course YANBU to not enable underage illegal sexual activity.

massistar · 15/10/2025 08:37

I’d also say no. Same rules should apply to both. My DD had her GF stay over once she was 16. Same as her brother. Although it did make me feel a lot better knowing no one was getting pregnant!

Bigpinksweater · 15/10/2025 08:38

Octavia64 · 15/10/2025 08:35

Usually the reason sleepovers are not permitted is risk of pregnancy. This doesn’t apply.

it also doesn’t usually stop the teens in question having sex as they do it elsewhere and else when.

So let them take drugs on the premises then as well? Enable the lot? And they’ll wonder why the fuck you didn't protect them from themselves when they’re older (or at least I do with my groovy parents who let me smoke weed and have multiple boyfriends in my room). I wish they’d actually parented me.

arcticpandas · 15/10/2025 08:39

It has to be fair to your ds. And be careful. I wish my parents hadn't let me slept at my boyfriend's (18) when I was 15 because I was coerced into having sex and it messed up my aporoach to sex in general.

Swiftie1878 · 15/10/2025 08:39

Needs to be fairness between the siblings, so it’s a No now your DD is in a relationship.

Branleuse · 15/10/2025 08:39

I allowed my daughter to have her girlfriend stay over at 15.

Sal17690 · 15/10/2025 08:41

Not fair for one child and not the other. But also a big believer that if teens want to have sex, they will. Much rather in a safe bedroom than down an alleyway or whatever.

I would be big on chats about enthusiastic consent, sexual health, peer pressure with both your kids, adding in the importance of contraception with DS.

TelephoneWires · 15/10/2025 08:42

I think you have to do the same as you would if it was a boyfriend. So whatever that would be. Even though they had sleepovers when they were friends, you didn’t know that anything might happen at that point, but now you do.

Original poster
Sparrow7 · 15/10/2025 08:42

I think the problem is the change of rules. If this was a totally new girlfriend I would definitely say no to sleepovers but because they were friends first it makes it harder. Plus she could have just not told me about the change in relationship!

OP posts:
Yourcalllove · 15/10/2025 08:42

Branleuse · 15/10/2025 08:39

I allowed my daughter to have her girlfriend stay over at 15.

posted too soon!

why?

I don’t get the rush.

Yourcalllove · 15/10/2025 08:43

Sparrow7 · 15/10/2025 08:42

I think the problem is the change of rules. If this was a totally new girlfriend I would definitely say no to sleepovers but because they were friends first it makes it harder. Plus she could have just not told me about the change in relationship!

It wouldn’t make it harder to me!

15 is too young. Any sex. Any circumstance

Comedycook · 15/10/2025 08:46

I would say no to this.

FoxRedPuppy · 15/10/2025 08:49

Bigpinksweater · 15/10/2025 08:37

Of course YANBU to not enable underage illegal sexual activity.

Only penetrative sex with a penis has a legal age limit of 16. Everything else doesn’t have a legal age.

Ooogle · 15/10/2025 08:50

No sleepovers for either child with their girlfriends. It’s important to be fair. And 15 is very young

Original poster
Sparrow7 · 15/10/2025 08:54

FoxRedPuppy · 15/10/2025 08:49

Only penetrative sex with a penis has a legal age limit of 16. Everything else doesn’t have a legal age.

Show quote history

Is that right? I did not know this.

OP posts:
Jollyjoy · 15/10/2025 08:57

Sparrow7 · 15/10/2025 08:54

Is that right? I did not know this.

Show quote history

No it’s not right. The age of consent is 16 for both straight and gay relationships. Do you think they’ve already had sex op?

Whatsthatsheila · 15/10/2025 09:01

It changes everything because she’s in a relationship below the age of consent. They can’t have sleepovers. End of.

Fountofwisdom · 15/10/2025 09:02

A 15 year old is under the legal age of consent. I would not be facilitating underage sex of any type. You also need to be consistent with both twins. I would say no to this and make the boundary clear and equal.

Swiftie1878 · 15/10/2025 09:03

FoxRedPuppy · 15/10/2025 08:49

Only penetrative sex with a penis has a legal age limit of 16. Everything else doesn’t have a legal age.

Show quote history

It does. If an adult fiddled with a child’s bits, it’s illegal. Same if a child does it.
Sexual activity with a child is illegal, whether perpetrated by an adult or another child.

Original poster
Sparrow7 · 15/10/2025 09:04

Jollyjoy · 15/10/2025 08:57

No it’s not right. The age of consent is 16 for both straight and gay relationships. Do you think they’ve already had sex op?

Show quote history

No I don't think so at all. The relationship change is very new and they are going on their first official date at the weekend to an ice-cream parlor. They both seem very young and innocent to me but I could be very deluded 😂

OP posts:
Fountofwisdom · 15/10/2025 09:05

Sparrow7 · 15/10/2025 08:54

Is that right? I did not know this.

Show quote history

It’s not right. The age of consent is 16 for everyone, regardless of sexuality.