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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hate my house so much it's making me depressed

29 replies

WhatsMyAgeAgainn · 14/10/2025 20:01

I find this a difficult topic to bring up with family and friends. To everyone else I would look selfish and ridiculous as objectively its a "good" house. But I really just hate our new house so much. I wish I could go back in time and never agree to move here. I don't even think I can call it new as we've been here nearly 3 years. I've tried to make it home but there are things about the physical house that I just cannot feel contented with. I feel trapped, sad and regretful. Every day I have to come home to this place I feel my heart sink. The hardest thing is that it is ruining the memories i'm making with our DC. I feel like I can't enjoy these early years because I'm so fixated on our house not being the home I imagined, and that we actually already had before we stupidly moved here. I just hate it so much and can't see a way out. Even more ridiculous is that I feel guilty for my DC for thinking this way. It is their home and no doubt they will have loads of lovely happy memories from here but I just feel so negatively about it all the time. The obvious solution is to move but the actual hassle of this and hoping not to get it "wrong" again has me stuck in this state. I know I'm lucky to have a house but I can't shake this awful feeling, it's making me so angry and negative, I actually hate waking up here.

OP posts:

getoutofmyhead · 14/10/2025 20:05

Im sorry you’re feeling like this Op. Could you rent it out and move somewhere you actually like, even if it’s a bit smaller or further away? We did that ourselves… it was really getting me down too. We will sell eventually, but for now this just feels right.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/10/2025 20:08

Can you say what it is you hate ? Sometimes Mumsnetters have good interior design ideas

Sunnest · 14/10/2025 20:08

No advice really but I've felt the same about our house since we moved here 8 years ago. I had a bad feeling about it before we moved in but DH fell in love and really wanted to move here so I felt obliged.

Huge mistake, I miss our last two homes that much I actually dream about them.

My only advice would be to move if you can/it's feasible, as my hatred for my home has only got worse and has affected my marriage.

Bigpinksweater · 14/10/2025 20:09

What’s wrong with it?

Orpheya · 14/10/2025 20:11

images

Itiswhysofew · 14/10/2025 20:13

What are the things that are so unlikable about it and how did you end up there?

Original poster

WhatsMyAgeAgainn · 14/10/2025 20:17

@Sunnest you have described my situation exactly. The dreams are so intense I'll wake up sobbing. Like you, we moved because DH wanted it. I wish I had been more selfish at the time and said no instead of trying to make sure he was happy.

OP posts:

Cloudyberries · 14/10/2025 20:17

For me this was a symptom of depression. Totally knocked me sideways as I didn't feel how I expected a depressed person to feel. I think it was quite lucky really as I think I'd have felt as bad about a new house too.

BlueJuniper94 · 14/10/2025 20:18

What's actually wrong with it?

Hiptothisjive · 14/10/2025 20:21

OP that is a very extreme reaction to a physical thing. If you are waking up sobbing I would say there is a deeper seeded issue here that doesn’t have anything to do with the house or the complete fixation on an object which either way I think some counselling would help you yo understand why you feel this way.

Original poster

WhatsMyAgeAgainn · 14/10/2025 20:25

I miss our old street and neighbours. It felt safe there with a big green out the front that all the children used to play in (ex council estate). This house is near a busy road and I hardly know anyone here despite trying. It sits at the bottom of a hill with houses looking down which makes me feel really enclosed. The garden also slopes down even further. Our bedrooms are right by the front door so I don't feel any privacy. We don't really have a "normal" living area. Writing these out is difficult because I know it sounds so petty, but actually living with something you aren't content with is so mentally draining.

OP posts:

samplesalequeen · 14/10/2025 20:27

WhatsMyAgeAgainn · 14/10/2025 20:17

I’m sorry OP. I know what you mean.

i moved house 4 months after my dad died and I have struggled to settle in the house. It was all too much too soon.

I don’t have advice for you other than to be honest with your husband.

CantBreathe90 · 14/10/2025 20:31

I hate our house too op - so many issues with damp / bad finishing which leaves creases where dirt and grime gets trapped and is almost impossible to get out / scared of opening up walls or whatever, because the plaster is made out of coal dust and I'm anxious of uncovering lead or asbestos or something because it is old, so basically anything is possible.

I do what I can - damp traps, dehumidifiers, damp proof paint, powerful hoover, air fresheners... And then avoid thinking about it / go out as much as possible. We've been here 8 years now and it does get a bit better. It doesn't stop me enjoying my DC. I'm also on sertraline which has helped a lot too (I'm not just on it because of the house).

SeaAndStars · 14/10/2025 20:36

When I read your OP I thought, ohh, this OP will list things she doesn't like about the house and lots of clever MNetters will come on and give her some amazing ideas about how to change things.

Now I've read what you say about the house I see I was wrong.

I lived in a house once that felt enclosed. My previous house had looked out over fields and I'd moved to one where I could only glimpse greenery through a gap - everything else was houses. I would stand in the spot in the spare bedroom looking through the gap at the green. I'd even set up my ironing board there so I could make the most of it whilst ironing. It felt/was pathetic. I longed to see a horizon. I was SO fed up there I honestly think I went a bit loopy after a couple of years.

I can see a busy road and feeling isolated would also do for someone.

In the end I moved. Oh my goodness, the difference in me was amazing - happier, more positive, more energy, more me.

If I was you OP I would move. Life is too short and home is so important.

DoodleLug · 14/10/2025 20:45

At first this sounded like an unreasonable fixation but I can see why this isn't the house for you.

It does still sound like an over reaction, on your mind all the time. Are you well?

Even if you are not well at the moment this doesn't sound like the house for you. Can you get a plan to move? Even if its a fair way away having a plan will help to feel you're heading towards a resolution.

And in the meantime get out as much as possible.

olivietolivie · 14/10/2025 20:46

OP I am so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly difficult and your feelings are entirely valid.

im not saying this is going to cure your problems at all, but it might ease the pain a little - try starting and ending each day thinking about the things that are good in your life and you’re grateful for. It will help switch your mindset a little bit and bring some positivity.

then I would make as realistic plan as you can for how you can move forward - whether that’s making a plan for when you can move and getting your DH on board. It won’t happen over night but starting to plan might help you feel more in control and an end will then be in sight.

Original poster

WhatsMyAgeAgainn · 14/10/2025 20:55

The plan is definitely to move as I can't imagine myself still feeling like this years down the line. I need some serious motivation to house hunt because at the moment I feel like I've just given up. I've managed to have the difficult conversation with DH about how I feel living here and he's agreed we can look about, but I do feel a bit of resistance from him. I'm also worried about upsetting DC and getting it wrong again.

OP posts:

Original poster

WhatsMyAgeAgainn · 14/10/2025 20:56

@DoodleLug no I don't think I am tbh. I'm constantly anxious, sad, angry. I do see a counselor regularly and have brought this up before.

OP posts:

Original poster

WhatsMyAgeAgainn · 14/10/2025 20:57

@olivietolivie yes you're right, sometimes a reality check does help. I try so hard to be mindful and grateful for what we have.

OP posts:

RaspberryYoghurtMeatPotatoPie · 14/10/2025 21:13

Like you, we moved because DH wanted it.

Why did he want to move? You’ve said what’s wrong with the house from your perspective, but there must have been something right with it, if only from his perspective. What was it that made this house better or more suitable than your previous one, at least in his eyes? I’m guessing those reasons and benefits haven’t gone away. You’re going to have to decide if the negatives outweigh them.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that, if you do move again, the requirements you had for this house will still be there. For example, if you moved because you needed more space, presumably a) you still need that space and b) there was a reason you didn’t find that space on a better road, or in the area you were happy in. You’ll need to consider all of this if you move again.

You also need to make sure you don’t just end up with a very expensive and time-consuming role reversal, where your husband ends up being the unhappy one because he feels pushed into a move.

BoarBrush · 14/10/2025 21:19

I miss our old street and neighbours. It felt safe there with a big green out the front that all the children used to play in (ex council estate).

We're about to move from a similar house to a street with absolutely no atmosphere, there's only one single green space on that side of town whereas this side has so many beautiful walks and places to play. This house has so much light and feels airy whereas the other feels so dark and narrow. I know we're going to hate it but we really do need another bedroom so need to suck it up.

We're only moving just over a mile away but leaving my neighbours breaks my heart the most. They have become my bonus mum and granny.

It's bloody hard.

ImSoJulia · 14/10/2025 21:20

Same here. Had to move for a second toilet and third bedroom and beggars can't be choosers sadly. It's been a decade and I feel even worse than I did at the start.
Started the day I moved in with my skanky neigbour getting stroppy with me because I let them know I was putting a garden fence up because I had small kids, ffs.
I have damp in one wall and a weird leaky gutter issue I can't resolve. A back garden that doesn't get any sun for 6 months, I can't even grow veg these days, or sit out in the winter sun with a cup of tea. And I swear tradesmen won't even quote for work because of the estate I live in.

Sal820 · 14/10/2025 21:20

You've been there 3 years OP so you've given it a good go. Could you move back near where you were before? That way hopefully it won't feel like another potential mistake?

Anonomoso · 14/10/2025 22:36

I thought I'd wrote your initial post while sleeping.

I also dislike where I live, we been here a few years now and I can't see it as my home, I've no motivation to do anything to make it my home either, truth be told I've still got belongings in boxes from when we moved here, I've no motivation to unpack them either.

My love for gardening/baking and all things I used to enjoy have also gone.

It's a sad feeling as life is passing me by and as I'm now in my mid 60's I really feel that it's dragging me down and aging me before my time.

Words · 14/10/2025 22:43

@Anonomoso

I could have written your post, word for word.

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