To tell you that saying "kindly" or "with kindness" or "gently" makes you sound like a total pain in the arse of a person

[valianttortoise]

Well I'm telling you anyway

I agree. Even texts from my dentist - this is a gentle reminder of your appointment.

I agree. It sounds condescending and patronising and is often quite insulting.

Yes, this language makes me feel the opposite of kind or gentle - in fact I am generally consumed by rage

I am a pain in the arse tbf 😂 honestly I don't understand why this makes me sound like a pain in the arse though? I thought I was genuinely being kind 😭

Exactly this.

Or, reflect on why it’s used. If everyone did everything the first time asked, it would never be used. Complaining about it, is a bit like complaining someone is nagging.

If they feel the comment requires "kindly" or "gently" to mitigate its impact they should just change the message. I think it's just a way of saying something they know won't be well received but they can't bear the idea of people not thinking they're "noice".

So they're weak as well as disiingenous, and yes, weak, disingenous people who don't have the courage of their convictions but insist on speaking up anyway are irritating.

Hold my hand up and will say I've said it twice on here in the many years I've been here .
The posts came across as very fragile and vulnerable , and I didn't want to bulldoze my thoughts & opinions on them .

Yes, this.

It’s like posters complaining about the phrase ‘Use your words’ being ‘infantilising’, when that’s exactly why it’s being used, when someone could resolve a ridiculously complex scrape they’ve got themselves into simply by saying something to the other person involved, rather than emoting on here about how ‘Surely she should of [sic] known not to x?’

My old boss used to write in emails things like, “Shortpoet has kindly booked a meeting room for the day”.

And I always found it odd. I didn’t do it kindly. I did it normally because that was my job!

it isn’t used maliciously though. It’s used when you need to deliver a message that might need to be negative, but you’re also saying ‘I’m not cross with you though, if you could hear me, it’s a gentle tone.’

ie someone has forgotten to pay an invoice, and the deadline has past. The business needs you to pay, but on first warning, is prepared to think you just forgot. Would you rather they wrote ‘you haven’t paid you arsehole, that’s on you for forgetting, now I’m not sure if you want this job any more’

I think that's just an old fashioned way of being polite. A nod to say thanks to the one who did the task. If he'd said "A gentle reminder that you need to book the meeting room" I'd have thought he was being a bit of an arse. Thank you kindly is still said a lot among older people I know.

It's usually passive aggressive or is a whole staff message where the person sending is too cowardly to actually address the issue with the relevant person.

Agree. Usually spoken by someone who has absolutely no intention of being kind or gentle and is, in fact, someone who is about to write something massively spiteful and mean.
Goes along well with those who proudly proclaim themselves as "straight talkers" who don't sugar coat things. In other words, cunts.

We just used to send out "Reminder, overdue invoice" when I was an office manager for a small business years ago. No need for kindly or gently, that would have sounded weird, maybe even sarcastic. No need for insults either. Just a statement of fact.

Your “kindly” probably doesn’t mitigate the impact of your bulldozing.

Kindly, I agree that people who say something nasty but just add the word "kindly" beforehand are usually twats.

I think sometimes it comes across as OK. I’ve only seen it on here though.

"Kindly you're being an arse" it reads to me

I find it really patronizing, and it feels like I'm being talked down to.

See also "With all due respect".

Which usually means "And I believe the respect that due to you is zero."

I think it’s just the current iteration of saying ‘no offence but … ‘ - it’s generally used to acknowledge the thing being said might be hurtful or upsetting and to let you know the speaker doesn’t want to deal with any repercussions.

I've seen it used like that on here and generally I think it works in that context.

When someone is using it because they CBA to reword their statement so that it doesn't sound patronising, it makes it worse.

But there is not a very good way to say things like "Your relationship sounds unhealthy" or "You should look into support for your mental health". I think it helps in those scenarios because you can't do tone of voice on a written communication like MN.

People who need to give gentle reminders are usually not as much of a priority for everyone else as they assume. If it matters I'll already have done it.

Gosh that's right. I hadn't noticed but no offence has been phased out.