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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to navigate family members positing pictures of your child on social media without your permission? AIBU?

42 replies

TheAmber · 14/10/2025 08:05

Hi,

I am not sure how to navigate the situation I’m currently experiencing. My daughter is 11 months old and I’ve never once posted a picture of her face publicly. If I have ever post a picture of her on socials, I usually cover her face or use one of the back of her head. I have shared pictures of her in my family group chats (which are private) and also privately to close friends (either as a one time image or on close friends only on Instagram).

My SIL has posted a picture (which I do love as it’s of her and my daughter) on her cover photo on Facebook. But she has not asked me / my other half if this is okay.
obviously I don’t know who she’s friends with, or what her privacy settings are like and I do feel uncomfortable with this. Especially as I do not post pictures of her myself in this way. I spoke with my other half this morning but he doesn’t see the issue with her being posted as he understands his sister wants to share a picture of her and her niece.

I did explain about how people can deep fake images and the dangers etc but he said he doesn’t believe the world is so cynical. I’ve also said about how children cannot consent to their face being used. So I’m a bit worried about sounding unreasonable and now I don’t know how to word it. Finding it difficult because me and my other half have different opinions and it’s his family.

Does anyone have any advice or how to word this nicely to her?

Please tell me it’s not just me who feels this way!

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
autumnevenings25 · 14/10/2025 08:07

It’s a difficult field to navigate - I personally don’t limit family posting photos with my children - I am comfortable however with their privacy settings.
i originally didn’t allow posting of my eldest on the school social media but she has complained about not being allowed in photos with her friends for the last year or so (she’s 8) that I’ve agreed to allow her photo on school social media now

MidnightPatrol · 14/10/2025 08:08

Just tell her - ‘we are choosing not to share photos of X online. Please delete Y photo’.

It’s fine to do so IMO.

surprisebaby12 · 14/10/2025 08:08

“It’s very sweet and I love your relationship with her. We do want to keep her face off social media, so please may you swap it for one that doesn’t show her face? Thank you”

Snorlaxo · 14/10/2025 08:10

It’s tricky as it sounds like SIL doesn’t have permission for you but has permission from her brother and you’re both equal parents.
The only way to stop more photos being posted is to prevent photos being taken and not share photos any more but that’s obviously not practical or possible.

TeddySchnauzer · 14/10/2025 08:10

You could just report the photo to Facebook as being a photo of your child. It’s one thing which they actually do act upon. I had to do it a few times.

Runnersandtoms · 14/10/2025 08:11

I'm not bothered about my kids being online. But for someone who is... I would point out that cover and profile photos can be seen by anyone not just 'friends' so you should definitely point this out to SIL and ask her to take it down.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/10/2025 08:13

Hi Sarah, I dont know if you've noticed but we dont post photos showing Alice's face. Could you take that one down, swap it for one where you can't see her. Cheers xx

Brightbluesomething · 14/10/2025 08:19

Have you explicitly told her your preferences? If not then she can’t be expected to know if you’ve sent photos on family WhatsApp’s and posted others online. She might not realise. Especially if her brother is fine with it. If she asked his permission he’d probably say ok so I don’t think you can report it.
Telling her then being ignored is different but don’t expect that she knows, I don’t know anyone who’s that private online and she might not either.
When you start talking about deep fakes of a baby’s image you do sound unreasonable though so I’d probably not dwell on that.

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 14/10/2025 08:21

One of my nieces sent me a text saying clearly that she doesn’t want photographs of her children on social media. I therefore don’t post family group shots. They’re her children and I respect her wishes.

paradisecircus · 14/10/2025 08:26

A polite message asking her to delete the photo and explaining your reasons. I guess if she still doesn't that's something you can't control, and you may decide to let it go, but at least she's had the message.

Original poster
TheAmber · 14/10/2025 08:41

Hi everyone,

thanks so much for your advice.
I think I understand my other half not minding and he was saying about having family group pictures etc in the future. I think I am less concerned / worried if it’s all private and if it’s not seen by everyone. So perhaps I’ll ask her to remove it as her cover photo but she can keep it if it’s all secure.

I don’t want to be completely unreasonable - especially as she’s the first baby in their family and his family don’t get to see her that often.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheAmber · 14/10/2025 08:44

Does this sound ok?
I am stressed I’m over thinking!

Hey XXXX.
I’ve seen you’ve changed your cover photo on Facebook to be of you and XXXX.
I absolutely adore this pic, but can I check what your security/privacy is like? I know everyone and anyone can see cover and profile pictures so I was wondering if you’d be okay just removing it from the cover? I don’t generally post XXXX onto social media unless it’s the back of her head because I try to keep her offline where I can.

OP posts:
Sal820 · 14/10/2025 08:46

The real issue is when kids get older and are allowed online themselves, the danger then is far, far greater. I really hope you police your kids in the same way then. There are already a million stock photos of babies online why would would you think someone would want to steal your pics?

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 14/10/2025 08:47

Her 11 month old face won’t really be recognisable in years to come. My phone thinks I have multiple DC because facial recognition hasn’t picked up it’s the same child over years. Is it really an issue. what are you worried about?

As per PP when they are older it’s more of an issue

Swiftie1878 · 14/10/2025 08:50

MidnightPatrol · 14/10/2025 08:08

Just tell her - ‘we are choosing not to share photos of X online. Please delete Y photo’.

It’s fine to do so IMO.

Except the child’s dad doesn’t agree…

Swiftie1878 · 14/10/2025 08:52

TheAmber · 14/10/2025 08:44

Does this sound ok?
I am stressed I’m over thinking!

Hey XXXX.
I’ve seen you’ve changed your cover photo on Facebook to be of you and XXXX.
I absolutely adore this pic, but can I check what your security/privacy is like? I know everyone and anyone can see cover and profile pictures so I was wondering if you’d be okay just removing it from the cover? I don’t generally post XXXX onto social media unless it’s the back of her head because I try to keep her offline where I can.

I think you need to negotiate this with your DH rather than us lot on MN!

obliviate24 · 14/10/2025 08:55

Id just tell her straight. There isn't any point in faffing your words.
My MIL posted when we specifically asked her not to. I messaged her and told her to remove her post as she knew we weren't posting anything (and also the fact we hadn't told our friends or even some family yet".
She had plenty to say afterwards but I also did too!

ButSheSaid · 14/10/2025 08:56

It's on your boyfriend to put rules in place with his relatives.
He needs to educate himself about all aspects of child safety and how the internet works.

If you and him have opposing rules for anything it's going to be difficult.

Original poster
TheAmber · 14/10/2025 09:04

It’s difficult because he doesn’t agree with what I think. So feeling a bit lost with what do to.
yes, I hope to be able to protect her too even when she’s older

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 14/10/2025 09:08

TheAmber · 14/10/2025 09:04

It’s difficult because he doesn’t agree with what I think. So feeling a bit lost with what do to.
yes, I hope to be able to protect her too even when she’s older

You won’t agree on everything as parents, but you need to be able to discuss your thinking and your feelings, and reach a decision you’re both OK with. He needs to understand your anxieties; you need to understand his wishes to share his daughter with family you don’t see much of.

Nanof8 · 14/10/2025 18:37

Just ask her to either remove the photo or put a smiley face over your daughter. I know a lot of people who don't want their childrens photos online.

independentfriend · 14/10/2025 18:50

At 10 months there aren't any particular risks to your daughter of people seeing her face / knowing who one of her aunts is. There's also unlikely to be anything embarrassing for your daughter as an adult in that picture.

So given you and your partner are in different places on this, I'd let it go for now and have more conversations over the years - risk comes especially from pictures of her in school uniform and maybe other pictures when she'll look more like herself rather than a baby/toddler.

Hallywally · 14/10/2025 19:46

My DS is 19 and was probably one of the first babies on SM- I shared his pic on MySpace in 2006 when he was born 😂 People used to post pics of other people’s kids back in the day willy nilly (including me) but I wouldn’t dream of it now. She should’ve asked first.

disturbia · 14/10/2025 20:11

OP don't say "I was wondering if you would like to remove etc" be direct and say "I am asking you to remove her photo etc"

Twitch1994 · 14/10/2025 20:33

Just send her a message and say that it’s a lovely photo but due to the horrible nature of the world you have decided not to post photos of your child on the internet so please could she take it down.

I’ve just had to do this with my MIL, who a couple of days after we said we are not posting photos of our daughter on any social media, posted a photo for FILs birthday. We just sent a message to remind her.

I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request and it’s up to you as it’s your child.

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