Awkward bill splitting

Arlanymor · 13/10/2025 22:56

You need to explain to them that you feel it’s unfair because you don’t want others to subsidise you and then just keep your order and bill separate. If you don’t want to go and eat with them anymore on the basis of this situation that would be a real shame.

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:00

Arlanymor · 13/10/2025 22:56

You need to explain to them that you feel it’s unfair because you don’t want others to subsidise you and then just keep your order and bill separate. If you don’t want to go and eat with them anymore on the basis of this situation that would be a real shame.

It is always awkward bill splitting and it’s kind of you to consider other people. Whilst everyone in the group should generally not ‘take the piss’ and order something extravagant I do think splitting equally is always just the best way to go. I have friends that don’t drink, and I ALWAYS expect I will pay for my drinks but they still wish to split equally because their point of view is that it’s their choice and don’t expect everyone to not drink to make the bill cheaper. Ie we had a uni friend that would always always just have water and a meal and would insist on paying nothing more. Which of course she is well within her right to do, but we couldn’t help but think she was a bit of a kill joy.

for example when I’ve gone out for dinnner and only had one drink when everyone else has two, I’m still very happy and want to just split equally. But then I guess I’m not financially tight and appreciate that some people might just not have the opportunity and option to offer.

Arlanymor · 13/10/2025 23:04

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:00

It is always awkward bill splitting and it’s kind of you to consider other people. Whilst everyone in the group should generally not ‘take the piss’ and order something extravagant I do think splitting equally is always just the best way to go. I have friends that don’t drink, and I ALWAYS expect I will pay for my drinks but they still wish to split equally because their point of view is that it’s their choice and don’t expect everyone to not drink to make the bill cheaper. Ie we had a uni friend that would always always just have water and a meal and would insist on paying nothing more. Which of course she is well within her right to do, but we couldn’t help but think she was a bit of a kill joy.

for example when I’ve gone out for dinnner and only had one drink when everyone else has two, I’m still very happy and want to just split equally. But then I guess I’m not financially tight and appreciate that some people might just not have the opportunity and option to offer.

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Not sure why you quoted me when it’s not my dilemma. I think it’s really sad the way you considered your friend a killjoy just because she had a budget. It’s bad enough trying to keep up with other people’s spending but to be looked down on negatively because she literally couldn’t afford it and yet still wanted to participate to the best of her ability is really unkind. Sorry but it is. You say that you understand that some people ‘don’t have the opportunity’ but based on your words about your friend you don’t really understand that at all.

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:09

Arlanymor · 13/10/2025 23:04

Not sure why you quoted me when it’s not my dilemma. I think it’s really sad the way you considered your friend a killjoy just because she had a budget. It’s bad enough trying to keep up with other people’s spending but to be looked down on negatively because she literally couldn’t afford it and yet still wanted to participate to the best of her ability is really unkind. Sorry but it is. You say that you understand that some people ‘don’t have the opportunity’ but based on your words about your friend you don’t really understand that at all.

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I didn’t mean to quote you, sorry.

SirBasil · 13/10/2025 23:10

oh god this type of bill splitting is infuriating. Tell them, clearly, that you are not happy with it and from now on you will pay for your own food and beverages and your own tip. What they do - split or do the same - is up to them.

Arlanymor · 13/10/2025 23:11

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:09

I didn’t mean to quote you, sorry.

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No worries. Please do think a bit about your attitude to your friend who is trying to keep up with you all and still stay in her budget.

SirBasil · 13/10/2025 23:13

Ie we had a uni friend that would always always just have water and a meal and would insist on paying nothing more. Which of course she is well within her right to do, but we couldn’t help but think she was a bit of a kill joy.

that is a dickish attitude. Some people budget very carefully for, say, a side and a small drink. And then all their more well off friends start the "oh just split it" nonsense and blow their food budget for the week.

Germans don't put up with any of this nonsense and just pay for what they consumed and nobody gets in a snit or calls someone a killjoy.

PomegranatePrincess · 13/10/2025 23:14

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:00

It is always awkward bill splitting and it’s kind of you to consider other people. Whilst everyone in the group should generally not ‘take the piss’ and order something extravagant I do think splitting equally is always just the best way to go. I have friends that don’t drink, and I ALWAYS expect I will pay for my drinks but they still wish to split equally because their point of view is that it’s their choice and don’t expect everyone to not drink to make the bill cheaper. Ie we had a uni friend that would always always just have water and a meal and would insist on paying nothing more. Which of course she is well within her right to do, but we couldn’t help but think she was a bit of a kill joy.

for example when I’ve gone out for dinnner and only had one drink when everyone else has two, I’m still very happy and want to just split equally. But then I guess I’m not financially tight and appreciate that some people might just not have the opportunity and option to offer.

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I don’t drink alcohol, I just don’t like it before anyone asks why. It’s nothing to do with making the bill cheaper but I don’t want to have to pay for numerous bottles of wine/cocktails/beer when I’m going for a meal. I also don’t like soft fizzy drinks so I drink water. It’s not about being financially tight, why should I pay for everyone else’s choice of alcoholic drinks? I don’t mind who has what to eat and I’m happy to split the food bill. You’re very judgemental on your uni friend’s choices, why should they have to pay for everyone else’s drinks? Thats not being a “killjoy”.

Edited to add, you should have what you want to eat @Potplant85. I always round my meal up to the nearest £5 and put that in when splitting bills, if anyone asks, I say it’s a tip.

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:15

Arlanymor · 13/10/2025 23:11

No worries. Please do think a bit about your attitude to your friend who is trying to keep up with you all and still stay in her budget.

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I will , this was about 7 years ago at uni.. It was immature of us, and I meant to say that my friends that I have now, if anyone is in a tight situation I never hesitate to insist I cover their part. It means a lot to me to help people and not make them feel embarrassed (and I never told that girl we thought she was a kill joy, obviously).

Makingsenseofitall · 13/10/2025 23:16

@Potplant85 i think you are awesome for being so considerate. My comment is to ask whether it really matters if you have your absolute favourite thing on the menu or whether to make your friends feel more comfortable having a bit ‘less’ is actually ok? I assume you go out sonetimrs with others who can afford a bit ‘more’ so you can enjoy the steak and extra wine then? But if not o totally get where you are coming from and have similar experiences myself. I just choose to play it down a bit when with particular people to make their night a bit nicer. Which is exactly what you are doing.

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:17

PomegranatePrincess · 13/10/2025 23:14

I don’t drink alcohol, I just don’t like it before anyone asks why. It’s nothing to do with making the bill cheaper but I don’t want to have to pay for numerous bottles of wine/cocktails/beer when I’m going for a meal. I also don’t like soft fizzy drinks so I drink water. It’s not about being financially tight, why should I pay for everyone else’s choice of alcoholic drinks? I don’t mind who has what to eat and I’m happy to split the food bill. You’re very judgemental on your uni friend’s choices, why should they have to pay for everyone else’s drinks? Thats not being a “killjoy”.

Edited to add, you should have what you want to eat @Potplant85. I always round my meal up to the nearest £5 and put that in when splitting bills, if anyone asks, I say it’s a tip.

Edited

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As I said, that situation was 7+ years ago. I also said I have friends that are like you, do not drink but they equally have no issue in splitting everything (drinks included) even when is drinkers offer to pay for our own drinks. Because to them, it’s their choice. I’m not saying it’s wrong or right, of course you don’t have to pay for other people’s drinks but some people are just more relaxed about it

ExtraOnions · 13/10/2025 23:22

Swings and Roundabouts… it all sorts itself out over a lifetime.

Order what you want, and if you feel bad just say “I’ll chuck an extra fiver in” when the bill comes. Take the Bill, and do the split.

Nobody, other than you, will be bothered

Arlanymor · 13/10/2025 23:37

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:15

I will , this was about 7 years ago at uni.. It was immature of us, and I meant to say that my friends that I have now, if anyone is in a tight situation I never hesitate to insist I cover their part. It means a lot to me to help people and not make them feel embarrassed (and I never told that girl we thought she was a kill joy, obviously).

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Well saying it behind her back was bad enough wasn't it - doesn't make it ok that you didn't say it to her. Also 'helping' people can also be patronising and not wanted - respecting people's way of managing their own money is much better.

Arlanymor · 13/10/2025 23:41

Makingsenseofitall · 13/10/2025 23:16

@Potplant85 i think you are awesome for being so considerate. My comment is to ask whether it really matters if you have your absolute favourite thing on the menu or whether to make your friends feel more comfortable having a bit ‘less’ is actually ok? I assume you go out sonetimrs with others who can afford a bit ‘more’ so you can enjoy the steak and extra wine then? But if not o totally get where you are coming from and have similar experiences myself. I just choose to play it down a bit when with particular people to make their night a bit nicer. Which is exactly what you are doing.

Can you not see how patronising that is though? This idea of 'playing it down a bit more' when eating with people with less money. She's not ordering caviar in a Burger King, she's eating off the same menu as everyone else. Why can't she eat what she wants?

Lougle · 13/10/2025 23:47

I think saying 'I'll put an extra £15 in because I chose the expensive meal' is fine. Then the bill can be spilt.

In general I hate bill splitting and would need rather pay for what I eat and drink.

youalright · 13/10/2025 23:51

Could you just order something reasonable when you go out with them and are splitting the bill and have the steak and extra wine when you go out with partner or friends that you don't split with.

QuickPeachPoet · 13/10/2025 23:59

I wish everyone was as considerate as you. I loath subsidising those who drink huge amounts, order extra courses and expect everyone to pay equally.

DelilahDaffodil · 14/10/2025 00:05

ExtraOnions · 13/10/2025 23:22

Swings and Roundabouts… it all sorts itself out over a lifetime.

Order what you want, and if you feel bad just say “I’ll chuck an extra fiver in” when the bill comes. Take the Bill, and do the split.

Nobody, other than you, will be bothered

I’m really not sure it is sorting itself out over a lifetime, at least not with my group of friends! There’s always one person who will always order steak, sides, starters and desert. And then there is someone else who eats like a sparrow and just orders the vegetarian main.

but I do agree with your idea of just paying an extra £5 or whatever when you do the bill as a good solution.

SirBasil · 14/10/2025 00:24

"it will sort itself out" is usually complete bollocks and said by the lobster/steak/champagne crew

If you pay for what you consume, everything is fine. I really don't get peoples batshit reaction to that.

BadgerMushroomToast · 14/10/2025 00:32

Just say ‘I fancy the steak and extra wine so before you split the bill equally take £20 off for my extra bits’. But it seems like they are fine for you to order extras - I’m sure people sometimes have a fancier meal or an extra side or two.

Original poster

Potplant85 · 14/10/2025 00:47

I don’t eat out often, hence this monthly outing is something to look forward to. By no means do I overindulge, or get drunk, I just enjoy eating!

I think the suggestion of throwing an extra few pounds on the table is the way to go and ignore any protests.

OP posts:

BreadInCaptivity · 14/10/2025 00:53

Could you offer to pay the tip (or a proportion of it that reflects the “extra”) as a way forward?

x2boys · 14/10/2025 00:53

Potplant85 · 13/10/2025 22:55

I go out with a group of friends at least once a month to eat, we split the bill equally between us all. Now here’s the problem, I hold back ordering what I want as I don’t feel it’s fair to make others pay for mine if I've ordered an expensive dish.

I did bring this up on the last meal and was told not to be so silly and that we’d all split evenly still. I now tend to see what everyone else orders before I place mine, which means I’m often compromising on what I actually want to eat. I’m happy to pay extra for the fillet steak and extra wine, as I know one in the group has a limited budget but they would never mention that. Is it wrong to not want to go and eat with them anymore?

I think bill splitting is only fair if everyone orders a similar amount otherwise it can get very unfair paticularly if you add in drinks and separate courses etc

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 14/10/2025 00:55

Ellie126 · 13/10/2025 23:15

I will , this was about 7 years ago at uni.. It was immature of us, and I meant to say that my friends that I have now, if anyone is in a tight situation I never hesitate to insist I cover their part. It means a lot to me to help people and not make them feel embarrassed (and I never told that girl we thought she was a kill joy, obviously).

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You don't think it's embarrassing to have Lady Bountiful insist on paying for the poor relation?

Delphiniumandlupins · 14/10/2025 01:15

I think the advantage of bill splitting is the ease of calculation. Everyone paying for exactly what they ate and drank depends on someone working through the bill, making sure nobody has forgotten to claim a starter/additional side/coffee. And people round up but don't add a tip.