to not get my head around straighteners at all

[LambethLil]

and be struck dumb that a 12 year old thinks that a 119 GHD set is essential- she wants them for her birthday.

I have some SCP's that I got off Ebay (BNIB) and they are brilliant just as good as GHD's and look like GHD's too.
the only thing with GHD straightners a lot of them bugger up!!

Give her a voucher for however much you feel is a suitable amount for a 12th birthday present and delegate some jobs for her to earn the rest then sit back and enjoy not having to wash-up, hoover, dust or strip the beds, walk the dog, iron or wash the car for a couple of months.

It shows that you are willing to help her to get what she wants rather than just fund it entirely because that it is the only thing she wants for her birthday.

On no account should you buy the GHD's and expect her to then remember to keep up with the chores to pay you back for the extra cost, the GHD's need to be the carrot to motivate her to stick at it with the chores.

She'll probably get other money for birthday gifts which will help her get to the total she needs and she'll probably take better care of them if she had to work to get them.

madmuggle- that's where I'm coming from. But I am aware that by definition I am seeing it from my point of view and wanted to get other opinions. I guess its a question of 'I am consistent', 'you are strict', 'she's a toxic parent'.

notjustmom, aplologies in advance, but I just find that incredibly sad and depressing. I don't want her to feel great because of other people's judgements on what she's got. I want her to feel great because she's clever and kind and people like her because of what she does and says. And this is the bit that will come out rude whichever way I say it, but did wanting and having all those things make you happy, prepare you for life, equip you to deal with love and life?

But where does it stop? The materialistic and shallow nature of tweenage girls should be checked, not encouraged. A twelve year old should get a present for a twelve year old. Not something to make her think she's six years older than she is.

If she wants GHD hair bobbins, let her buy her own, and let her parents get her something appropriate not only in price but age suitability.

That sounded harsh, sorry, I'm being stomped on by a small boy and hit post too early!

This may sound trite but GHDs have changed my life. No more the big bushy mess, they are worth every penny.

Saying that, I bought mine second hand for sixty quid. there are good deals out there if you look.

I think decide how much you would otherwise have spent, say you'll put that much towards it and anything else she has to find from birthday money or pocket money. If it's something she really wants then that's what birthdays are about.

If she has to contribute towards something like that it will make sure she does really really want them, and it will help her learn the value of money.

I had really frizzy hair as a teenager and it made me pretty miserable (I had awful acne as well, so it wasn't a pleasant time at all). I was thrilled when my hairdresser introduced me to GHDs because I hadn't thought there was anything I could do about it. I asked my Mum for some for Christmas and she got me the Babyliss alternatives. They just didn't work on my hair at all, and so were a complete waste of money.

I felt heartbroken for my Mum because she'd tried to get the right thing, and upset because they weren't any help. I'd have much preferred it if she'd told me that they weren't happy to get the GHDs because of cost/principle and asked me to choose something else or given me the option to contribute towards the cost myself.

notjustmom....

I'm that you think 12 is too young to learn the value of money, I think its a bit on the late side myself and I'd like to think my ds's start to be aware of the value of money considerably earlier than 12.

girls, like yourself, who were given everything they needed of a materialistic nature in order to help them stay in the in crowd because they looked the part..... well what can I say.....My parents didn't have the money and because parents like yours didn't exercise any restraint or judgement of wants vs needs it just made my parents obvious lack of money affect my life to an even greater extent during my teenage school years.

It's nice to know that it didn't affect you in any way (not)-your post of 12.25 shows that your parents merely passed on to you, undiluted, their belief that money and possessions are the route to happiness and that its O.K. to judge people by their appearance and material wealth.

I think our 12 year olds are the equivalent of us at 16/17 .... grow up too fast but thats just the norm nowadays. You can get the pink ghd's on amazon for £80 if thats any use to you.

Well, did it teach you to empathise with the girls who were not in the in crowd or who didn't have the same stuff because their parents wouldn't/couldn't fund it ?

Or did you just thank god that it wasn't you getting the piss taken out of them ? I note that you admit that you probably weren't nearly as nice as some girls.

The point I am making here is that if we don't buy our kids a place of respect in the cool crowd they will hopefully learn how to earn respect from their peers for who they are rather than what they have. I'll admit that this may not happen at school and it may take until later in life but I do feel that I'll be doing the best thing for my kids if I resist the temptation to buy their position in the in-crowd for them by letting have all the latest teenage must have items.

I think the OP's daughter would probably benefit from GHD'S but I'm in agreement that £119 is a lot of money for a 12 year olds birthday present on one item alone which is solely related to her appearance. I'm favouring helping her get the item by parental contribution of a reasonable amount and working to acquire the balance.

It is a lot of money but if you can afford it and she really wants them then I'd buy them.
At 12 I really wanted a perm (oh the shame) and my appearance was important to me.
I do think it is important to fit in at that age.
If you really can't afford them then I have Remingtons and they are really good.
Is there a review site somewhere where you could compare and get the next best thing?

I just skimmed before I posted but what's wrong with having loads if you can afford it?
I had everything I wanted growing up and now have nothing.
I don't expect other kids to go without just so my DD doesn't feel bad. Why on earth should they?
I know my situation will change one day and then DD will have whatever I can give her too.

The thing I object to is spending so much on something utterly unnecessary for a twelve year old child. Operative word there people. Child. At 12 there is no need to preen, no need to 'look good' or any other such superficial nonsense. We are making children growl old too quickly, and I say making because as parents we have to take responsibility for it. A generation of younger mothers has made for a generation of mini-adults. It's sickening and worrying.

My daughter, if she tries this at twelve will be laughed out of the room. She'll be getting age-appropriate presents at twelve. It's not even as though it's a 'landmark' birthday. I'd probably treat her and a few friends to an afternoon of cinema and 'dinner out' or something.

Something so expensive would be more appropriate for a sixteenth. Perhaps the original poster could bargain with that one. Get her a present that matches her age, and promise her the daft stuff when she's old enough to appreciate it and use it sensibly?

Growl? Oops, ye olde spell checker has been bamboozled by a legit typo

I'm chuckling at the growl, it tickled me.

It didn't cross my mind that straighteners were innapropriate tbh, my DD has pretty hair clips and likes having her hair done, she's 6. That doesn't mean to say she's not happy to run round looking like a tramp, she does that too but by 12 I think kids are more aware of their looks and do want to fit in. They've just started seconddary school and have a lot of older kids to look up to/admire.
Yes, the GHDs are very expensive but also known as the best so I can understand why she's asked for them.
It's up to the OP whether she thinks it's OK to spend money on appearance and if so, if she can afford and is preapared to pay for the GHDs as opposed to cheaper straighteners

My daughter likes clips. And bobbles. Clips that come with bobbles as well score high on her chart of pointliness. If pink or lilac are involved she achieves a near ecstatic level of excited-ness. However, if glitter enters the equation there's no point trying to talk to her until she has had three minutes to calm down. Typical five year old girl then

Onto something a little more serious though.

12 year old thinking they have to fit in, that the world will end if they don't have this, that and the other. Preferably with the price tag to match. It makes me sad, and to be frank pretty angry. Why do we insist on colluding with this sort of thing? All it takes is the word no. A 12 year old can scrub up perfectly fine with soap, water and a hairbrush. Clean clothes optional. I don't understand why we pander to the erosion of what is an all to brief time in our lives. Childhood should be about mud and mess, fluff and glitter and so on yes, but trinkets to enable them to look older and help them wish away that time? No need.

At twelve, I'd say no, and I'd enforce it too. If by any feat of fiscal engineering my daughter managed to acquire a pair of these bloody things they'd be confiscated till weekends too.

I am quite possibly the most evil mum on my computer chair

Glad you liked the growl, it is a sweet wee thing