Send the photos or sling them?

[Skiporship]

Former close friend and I fell out - permanently - this year, primarily because I've had enough of her being (IMO) a crappy friend. For years, I've been the one to go and see her, even though she's often over this way (we live about 2hours apart).

The final straw (of many) was me having a baby - I asked if she'd come and meet baby; she told me she was too busy, but then my older DC bumped into her at a local (to us) theme park.

I tried just letting the friendship die a few times over the last couple of years but she'd keep dropping these generic "Hey, how r u?" texts and, if I ignored them, following up with "are you mad with me/ignoring me?" messages. I don't get it.

Finally, I told her I was pissed off and that I wanted her to just leave me alone rather than sending non-committal texts that never led to any kind of conversation anyway. She blocked me.

The question is this: I've just found a BIG box of photos she stored in our garage 10+ years back. She's never asked for them, but it's a large, heavy box of family and wedding pics.

In favour of slinging: it'll cost a fair whack to send them, and I don't want to start up any kind of conversation. I also don't want it to look like I'm making a point by sending her her stuff shortly after cutting her off. I've got a skip on the driveway atm with plenty of space.

In favour of sending: it feels harsh to sling them, even though she doesn't seem to know they exist. I can technically afford to send them, and I don't have to communicate with her afterwards.

WWYD? Skip or ship?

Does she live far away? I’d tell her you have them and give her the chance to collect them by X date and then throw them if she doesn’t come.

Likewise she can also arrange Royal Mail to collect them if she’s that fussed. My partner sold a large item and was super easy, the buyer arranged it all.

Throwing them away is pretty harsh imo, does she have any friends or relatives near to you that you could leave them with?

I would never ever throw away someone else's photos no matter what the circumstances.
I would give her a fair chance to come and collect them or arrange them to be shipped (at her cost).

I think throwing them away is pretty bad. I would do as others have said and ask her if she wants them and find a way to get them to her (either she collects them or arranges for them to be posting to her).

Just tell her you have them and ask when she's available to come and collect them because you don't want to store them anymore.

To offer a different opinion......

IN THE SKIP! IN THE SKIP! IN THE SKIP!

No, I have to admit that even though I'm a terrible person I wouldn't throw away someone's pictures. You've got to tell her.

Do you have any mutual friends you could send them back via? I would never throw out someone else’s photos. I had a falling out with a friend a few years back because she was really horrible to me several times and I had enough. I was storing some important paperwork for her that she needed to get out of her house because someone else had a key and was trying to get hold of it. I just kept hold of it until she asked for it about a year later. In your case I’d send the photos back now. I hung on to the paperwork because I knew the situation hadn’t changed so the reason she needed the paperwork kept elsewhere still stood. You friend hasn’t actually been horrible to you from the sound of it, she’s just not made you a priority, which I understand is upsetting, but it’s a bit much to throw out her and photos, that really would be horrible. Just send them back, or hang on to them until she asks you.

You sound a bit of a drama llama over this friendship. Both as bad as each other! It would be pretty cruel of you to bin her photos without checking. Photos cannot easily be replaced, if at all. It’s would be very simple to send a message asking if she wants them without committing to restart a friendship. She can pay the postage cost or collect - when you are not there if you find that so difficult.

Skip

I'm not one to pander, but never skip something irreplaceable. She does know they exist, she just can't remember where they are.

I'd message her a photo of the box with the lid off, and keep it brief, Found this, thinking it's yours? Let me know if you'd like to collect.

And then leave it at that, if she does want to pick it up, it doesn't need to be a drama, you're both adults. Hand it over, wish her well.

Throwing them out would be really harsh. How expensive would it be to post? There are some cheapish options about. I think I’d just pay. Even if she hasn’t missed the photos yet she might at some point.

I guess it depends if you can now easily contact her? Has she unblocked you? I wouldn't throw away someone else's photos, they aren't something that can be replaced and aren't yours to make a decision over. I would send a short message 'I found a large box in my garage which contains photographs, that you asked me to store X years ago. Please can you collect them by X or arrange for a courier to collect them from me. Otherwise I will have to dispose of them'. The ball is then in her court. She either contacts you or doesn't.

Are you still blocked? Because if so how could you even ask her if she wants them?
Do you have any mutual.friends you could ask to ask her?
I think throwing them away would be awful, because it is highly unlikely that she'd be able to get replacements depending on how old they are

Sort of in a similar situation here, I’ve found the address of the person the large bulky item belongs to and I’ve just sent it in the post.
Cost me a fair whack but I’ve no wish to ever hear from them or see them ever again and I know the item had sentimental value to them and that I’d be pretty sad if someone had binned them without at least contacting me to ask if I wanted them.
Slightly different in that this was discovered in a house clearance of a relative, I invited all the family to go and take what they wanted and then asked the solicitors to organise a clearance. They found a box of personal items in the loft and gave them to my solicitor which is how I ended up with it.
If you know the address I’d personally just get it sent if you can afford it and never think about it again.

I think you’ll lose the moral high ground if you throw her photos away.

You’ll always be the bad guy if you chuck them.
Have you actually looked into postage costs? We send pretty heavy things quite often and its not that expensive if its not a fast delivery.
Or mutual friends or her family you could palm them off to?

I like the royal mail suggestion You could cost it up online.. and send the info and then its up to her to organise and pay for it.
I don't think I could put her photos in the skip.

Not sure why she needed to meet your baby. 🤷‍♀️🙄

Give her a deadline and an opportunity to collect them. After that date, dump them.

I wouldn’t bin them before contacting her, though may be difficult if she’s blocked you. I suppose if you have her address drop her a note saying you have them and giving her a date to collect them by making it clear that you don’t want to store them and if they’re not collected they’ll be destroyed. The ball is then in her court.

I'm on the side of message her, tell her of your findings. Ifshe wants them, youll work.out postage costs, she can pay, then you"ll send them on

That information is literally included in the first three lines.

I’d tell her to arrange their collection.

Send her a very matter of fact text stating that you’ve found the photos and if she wants them she’s to say so and collect by a specific, and convenient date, to suit you. If she doesn’t respond for a couple of weeks, chuck them!

I wouldn’t think twice about binning them. 🤷🏻‍♀️