AIBU to want my 17 yr old to leave the kitchen as tidy as I leave it?

[sladtheinkaler]

My 17 yr old son is a great kid. He tries hard at school, has lovely friends, has a job, volunteer coaches, plays sport. He's always polite, lovely to spend time with, and just a top notch person all round.

BUT...

I don't understand why he can't leave the kitchen immaculate in the mornings.

I get up first, feed the cat, make coffee, have breakfast, pack my lunch etc and then I clean up the kitchen. Everything I use is washed, wiped and in the dishwasher before I go and shower and get dressed for work. Takes less than a minute.

He gets up 10 minutes before I leave. He makes coffee, has breakfast, packs his lunch etc... and then he kind of cleans up most of it???

Why? Why can't he just finish the job??

AIBU?

YABU - give the kid a break. His mug was pretty near the dishwasher to be fair. And teenagers do not have the ability to notice crumbs.

YABU - teach him now before his future partner is writing his post on Futurenet in 10 years time.

he kind of clears up? That’s more than a lot of them ever do. This was always on my pick your battles list. Yes it drove me mad but was easier to do it than fight it.

Kind of clearing up is the best my 17 year old can do. That doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying - but I do remember myself at that age and I was just as sloppy, lazy and slapdash so I don't think that having a messy teenager necessarily leads to being a messy adult.

yeah, as soon as you said "kind of clearing up" - I thought "wow!"

Personally, I didn't really crack cleaning the kitchen properly until I was a lot older than 17.. Now though I have a nice tidy kitchen and (if!) it is only me there, it says that way.

At 17, if he is making an effort, good - you've done a great job with him. I guarantee that with that start he will end up being a clean-kitchened adult later in life.

Not really worth pushing further for me.

Does his dad clean up after himself as a matter of course?

My older kids are mostly gone now. One living with gf and the other one away at uni. When she’s not here, I return after work to a house exactly as I left it. When she’s here in the holidays, I return to buttery knives and dirty coffee cups in the sink, etc. I miss those buttery knives now.

He sounds fabulous. Just enjoy him while he's still at home

Oh, alright. I'll leave him be and be glad he does have a go at cleaning up! Not a battle to pick.

Yes, always.

He's pretty great. I will :)

Ahh, yes, that's good perspective. I've also got one away at university and she'll be back with her mug-hoarding and buttery knives soon!

Mine is as bad, even down to the mug in proximity to the dishwasher. Not sure what the answer is

I'm surprised at responses...why should you not expect a teen who is old enough and capable to leave a space tidy like it was?

This is a rule in our house that even my 14 and 15 year olds follow. After using the kitchen, wash you dishes and wipe the surface if you made a mess

I don't think that's asking a lot

It’s not, but when you get constant pushback from them and you spend your life nagging at them there are better battles to be fought, clean kids, good behaviour at school, homework done, bedrooms not needing a hazard warning, dirty clothes in the washing basket, respectful at home etc.

Its the same on all these threads, op could be having the worst time of it with dc depressed and spiralling, causing all sorts of problems at home, refusing school and you always get one holier than thou poster saying mine would never do this. come back in a couple of years, I hope yours are still as perfect.

Ha, this all sounds very familiar!!

I had a chat with my teens about how it makes me feel. Said I felt crappy when I woke up to mess, and it felt a bit disrespectful of my time. So a bit of the old ‘I’m not angry, just disappointed’ technique! Things got mildly better after that.

Whaleandsnail6
I'm surprised at responses...why should you not expect a teen who is old enough and capable to leave a space tidy like it was?

Given her age (17yo ds) Op has twenty plus years cleaning experience! Why in ten minutes would she expect him to clean ti the same standard?

But she's not asking him to deep clean...thats already been done. Shes asking him to put his mug in the dishwasher and get rid of crumbs. I don't think you need 20 years of cleaning experience to do that.

We have a communal kitchen at work and we are supposed to all be responsible for cleaning our own mess and cleaners come in 3 times a week to properly clean. I've stopped using said kitchen as there is always some who can't do the "leave it as you find it" and its frustrating

Why can’t you enjoy someone who also puts his mug in the dishwasher and wipes the worktop?

Did you do it at 17?

Whaleandsnail6

Could be totally wrong but I think there was a comment about the way the mug is put in which implies to me that op wants things exactly as she does them. Myself and dh both clash (clash is an ott word but you know what I mean!) over who stacks the dishwasher correctly, it kind of sounds like op wants it back to her original state (sorry op for talking about you in third person!!)

This.
You’re very lucky!

Is it a time issue or a not noticing one? I'd cut some slack if he's waking up tired and struggling to get ready to leave for school on time. If he seems fairly alert and capable in the mornings, then I'd keep reminding him to put his mug in the dishwasher, then once he's consistently doing that, mention the crumbs.

Both of mine were like this at 17.

At 26(m) and 19(f) and responsible for.their.own living spaces (one independent and one at university), they now leave the kitchen (mine and theirs) immaculate.

I'd appreciate a teen who clears up after themselves. I wouldn't insist on it being immaculate though.
A mug that's been rinsed but only left 'near the dishwasher' and a few crumbs left behind wouldn't even register for me in the rush to get ready for school and work.

All these young men leaving their mugs near the dishwasher are the future subjects of posts about men leaving pots in the sink and their dirty socks next to the laundry basket. Don’t infantilise them! They live in a family “community”. They should contribute to it. It’s not hard!

If he goes to uni, he'll learn! My dd had just gone and is constantly complaining about her housemates not wiping the worktops down - something she rarely did at home. Also complaining about them never emptying the bins - something else she never did at home. It's a learning curve. Your ds sounds pretty good overall so I wouldn't give him too much of a hard time.