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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids party etiquette

34 replies

Illhaveacokezeroplease · 12/10/2025 20:59

It was my DDs 6th birthday recently and we did a pamper party at a small salon which she invited 7 friends to. One of her friends turned up late with no birthday card for DD and then proceeded to sit on the side, uninvolved the whole time, playing on a phone. She didn’t speak to any of the other girls (they are all friends in school) and ate separately to everyone else. I believe it was her phone as her Nan who brought her had her own, different phone. Nan told her to put it down and that it was rude, she didn’t listen and Nan left her to it. She interacted with no one except to collect her party bag at the end and didn’t say thank you.

AIBU to think that this isn’t acceptable for a child at a birthday party? I personally feel the adult responsible for her should have stepped in but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. My DD had a lovely time and didn’t notice at all - it definitely bothered me more than it did her 😂 I’m just curious really as to what others think. Thank you!

OP posts:
WonderfulUsername · 12/10/2025 21:06

YANBU that it was bad manners.

But 6 year old children having pamper parties instead of actually doing kids things like running around, playing with their friends is just as mad as having their noses stuck in a phone I think.

Farticus101 · 12/10/2025 21:10

I think anything could be the reason for her behaviour really.

She could have been forced to attend by her family and was acting out by not participating.

She could be neurodiverse and struggle in social situations.

She could be very shy and have been taught to hide herself in her phone (terrible that she has one at that age if it is hers)

She could have had a bad experience prior to attending the party and was upset.

I wouldn't be too bothered by her behaviour. It's good your DD had a lovely time

Arlanymor · 12/10/2025 21:10

6 year olds with phones - her family have made a rod for their own back there. Yes she was rude but it sounds like they use a screen as a babysitter and as a result she is less engaged in what is going on around her. That said at the age of 6 I would have hated going to the salon for anything, I would have been squirming in my seat to go outdoors.

Octavia64 · 12/10/2025 21:11

It was bad manners.

but at 6 most kids are dropped off at a party and don’t have an adult stay with them.

managing their behaviour is either your job or the entertainers job.

RicStar · 12/10/2025 21:13

I can't really imagine what a pamper party for 6 year old kids is - but I would have thought whoever was hosting the party would have tried to bring the girl into the games/ activities etc. Once I took my sone to a party at about the same age and he was tired and refused to join in - I took him home eventually!

curious79 · 12/10/2025 21:14

6yrs old and going to a salon?! WTF!! Mine would have been haring round a playground. The little girl might have been very bored

CountryQueen · 12/10/2025 21:54

That’s not a birthday party for a 6 year old. If you were asking if her nan was unreasonable to let her have the phone, well, it depends, presumably her parents set the rules and Nan just follows them when she helps out.

If you’re asking if YABU to think a 6 year old girl should know what she’s meant to do in a salon without you, the host, actually telling her and involving her, then yes you are.

Original poster
Illhaveacokezeroplease · 12/10/2025 21:55

To clarify, it was a party salon specialising in kids’ parties. The package also included a disco, karaoke, food and party games. The same sort of thing you’d expect at any old fashioned kids party in a community centre. There was plenty of running around, dancing and and allowing them to be kids. “Treatments” included face painting, glitter tattoos etc. and were age appropriate for 6 year olds.

All the children had a smile on their faces and seemed to really enjoy, apart from the girl in question. Of course it might not have been her sort of thing so she may have been bored, but most people know what their children will/won’t enjoy, so why bring her then?

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 12/10/2025 21:58

When my son was 5 he sometimes decided at the last minute that he didn’t want to go . He would sometimes not want to join in the games or eat the food. I used to take him outside and he begged to leave. It was embarrassing as a parent as my first child never behaved like this but actually he was just crippling shy and overwhelmed.

Don’t judge… no card / gift without an explanation is a bit odd / rude but there may have been a crisis at home

comoatoupeira · 12/10/2025 21:59

WonderfulUsername · 12/10/2025 21:06

YANBU that it was bad manners.

But 6 year old children having pamper parties instead of actually doing kids things like running around, playing with their friends is just as mad as having their noses stuck in a phone I think.

100%

WonderfulUsername · 12/10/2025 22:01

Illhaveacokezeroplease · 12/10/2025 21:55

To clarify, it was a party salon specialising in kids’ parties. The package also included a disco, karaoke, food and party games. The same sort of thing you’d expect at any old fashioned kids party in a community centre. There was plenty of running around, dancing and and allowing them to be kids. “Treatments” included face painting, glitter tattoos etc. and were age appropriate for 6 year olds.

All the children had a smile on their faces and seemed to really enjoy, apart from the girl in question. Of course it might not have been her sort of thing so she may have been bored, but most people know what their children will/won’t enjoy, so why bring her then?

Running around in a salon?

Arlanymor · 12/10/2025 22:03

Illhaveacokezeroplease · 12/10/2025 21:55

To clarify, it was a party salon specialising in kids’ parties. The package also included a disco, karaoke, food and party games. The same sort of thing you’d expect at any old fashioned kids party in a community centre. There was plenty of running around, dancing and and allowing them to be kids. “Treatments” included face painting, glitter tattoos etc. and were age appropriate for 6 year olds.

All the children had a smile on their faces and seemed to really enjoy, apart from the girl in question. Of course it might not have been her sort of thing so she may have been bored, but most people know what their children will/won’t enjoy, so why bring her then?

A party IN a salon? Or like a mobile thing that comes to your local village hall? I’m a bit lost. Disco sounds good as does face painting, but can’t quite see it in a salon setting.

Original poster
Illhaveacokezeroplease · 12/10/2025 22:13

It’s a party salon, so there was a dedicated party space to use for the second half of the party, for the games/disco/karaoke after the mini treatments which took place in the first half.

OP posts:
LittleMy77 · 12/10/2025 22:16

Why didn’t you say something to the kid about the phone use? Dh has done that at a kids party (the parents were in the background somewhere and clearly did think it was an issue..)

Topseyt123 · 12/10/2025 22:16

I don't really get what a pamper party for 6 year olds is, even with your update. I always think of pamper parties as a group of adults women going to a beauty salon to get treatments, a makeover and their makeup professionally done. Not somewhere for children to run about.

Anyway, I could be misunderstanding.

As for 6 year olds with mobile phones, I can't see as they need them and yes, the child was very rude, and allowed to continue to be so by her grandmother.

LarryIsMyRomanEmpire · 12/10/2025 22:18

She's 6, maybe she was just shy on the day young children can be unpredictable.

RoseAlone · 12/10/2025 22:21

She probably just wasn't interested which I honestly can't blame her for. It was an odd choice for a party and very ill advised.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/10/2025 22:25

As one of only a small handful of children invited, presumably she’s one of DD’s closest friends? Have you never met her before to know whether her behaviour was out of character? Does DD think it’s like or not like her friend to behave this way?

I think judging 6-year-olds by adult standards of manners and etiquette is a bit pointless. They don’t think about what they ought to do in particular situations the same way adults do, they respond to their feelings in the moment. I’d wonder if there might be a problem at home and she’s not coping very well with things, or was generally overwhelmed. Her grandma did try to make her join in - but ultimately, if she didn’t want to, I don’t think it would have made for a great situation for a child to be forced, become upset, and cause upset and disruption for all the other children. Did the people leading the activities not try to gently encourage her into the group at all?

jetlag92 · 12/10/2025 22:29

Why did you let a 6 year old have a phone at a party. Just take it off her.

GingerBeverage · 12/10/2025 22:30

Children cannot self regulate addictive devices. They require adults to set boundaries.

Of course she was bored. There is nothing more interesting than a bright screen filled with games (strange new ‘friend’ asking you for special photos is optional extra).

She will continue to be bored, and lose friends, as long as the adults around her find it convenient.

But it’s not rudeness OP, it’s a child without responsible adults.

TheDenimPoet · 12/10/2025 22:35

YANBU but you don't know what was going on in her head, something might have happened before the party. She might have fallen out with one of the girls.

When I was 6 I had a bouncy castle party and I told my then best friend that she wasn't allowed on because she had ginger hair. She sat on the grass all afternoon and wouldn't tell any adults what the problem was. I have no idea why I decided to be such a little bitch that particular day, it was out of character (I promise!) but the point is, something similar might have happened, you just don't know!

If the girl is usually ok, I'd let it go.

MamaGarl85 · 12/10/2025 22:36

I feel like people are missing the point here! The party was presumably age appropriate and what the birthday child wanted to do.

YANBU it was incredibly rude behaviour and if she wasn't enjoying for whatever reason nan should have stepped in or took her home imo

SpottedDeer · 12/10/2025 22:39

Illhaveacokezeroplease · 12/10/2025 20:59

It was my DDs 6th birthday recently and we did a pamper party at a small salon which she invited 7 friends to. One of her friends turned up late with no birthday card for DD and then proceeded to sit on the side, uninvolved the whole time, playing on a phone. She didn’t speak to any of the other girls (they are all friends in school) and ate separately to everyone else. I believe it was her phone as her Nan who brought her had her own, different phone. Nan told her to put it down and that it was rude, she didn’t listen and Nan left her to it. She interacted with no one except to collect her party bag at the end and didn’t say thank you.

AIBU to think that this isn’t acceptable for a child at a birthday party? I personally feel the adult responsible for her should have stepped in but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. My DD had a lovely time and didn’t notice at all - it definitely bothered me more than it did her 😂 I’m just curious really as to what others think. Thank you!

Did she partake in the pamper? It's too much to expect 6 year olds to have etiquette.

NerrSnerr · 12/10/2025 22:44

My son would have done this if given the chance (I wouldn’t have given a phone) but he’d have sat on the side and watched and did for many parties. He liked the idea of being invited but got anxious when it came to it. He’s 8 now and can say what he doesn’t want to do now, it’s still touch and go whether he’ll eat anything and he hates being left at parties, he doens’t need much from us now but I think he likes the reassurance of having us there. He may come across as rude, he’s really not, just doesn’t like some situations and finds them hard to navigate.

airportfloor · 12/10/2025 22:52

My 7yo daughter went to a party recently that she thought was boring. It was a singer with a guitar. It was in a park so she just did her own thing. I did worry she looked rude but also thought me trying to get her to be more involved was distracting when the birthday girl didn’t seem to notice. Sounds similar. I did bring a gift tho.

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