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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids party etiquette

34 replies

Illhaveacokezeroplease · 12/10/2025 20:59

It was my DDs 6th birthday recently and we did a pamper party at a small salon which she invited 7 friends to. One of her friends turned up late with no birthday card for DD and then proceeded to sit on the side, uninvolved the whole time, playing on a phone. She didn’t speak to any of the other girls (they are all friends in school) and ate separately to everyone else. I believe it was her phone as her Nan who brought her had her own, different phone. Nan told her to put it down and that it was rude, she didn’t listen and Nan left her to it. She interacted with no one except to collect her party bag at the end and didn’t say thank you.

AIBU to think that this isn’t acceptable for a child at a birthday party? I personally feel the adult responsible for her should have stepped in but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. My DD had a lovely time and didn’t notice at all - it definitely bothered me more than it did her 😂 I’m just curious really as to what others think. Thank you!

OP posts:
Strop · 12/10/2025 23:00

For the people horrified by pamper parties I was too til my children went to a few. There is a place near us that is a dedicated business for them. As the OP says, there is a disco and party games just they get their hair done (can choose from a few age appropriate styles, the sort of thing girls come to school with, with glitter on top) and have their nails painted too. Mine love it. They also love parks, cartwheels, playing in rivers, gardening, playing tig - a pamper party doesn't change.

I think the girl was very rude OP (but not old enough to know that). Awful that the adult with her didn't tell her to put it away.

NorthenAdventure · 12/10/2025 23:02

Farticus101 · 12/10/2025 21:10

I think anything could be the reason for her behaviour really.

She could have been forced to attend by her family and was acting out by not participating.

She could be neurodiverse and struggle in social situations.

She could be very shy and have been taught to hide herself in her phone (terrible that she has one at that age if it is hers)

She could have had a bad experience prior to attending the party and was upset.

I wouldn't be too bothered by her behaviour. It's good your DD had a lovely time

This. The phone thing is weird (she's 6) but she may be neurodivergent, and screens can help some ASD kids regulate. You have no idea what's going on with her and she's only 6, so don't judge. I have a 6 year old as well. He's severely autistic and sometimes he won't talk to anyone. It isn't him being rude- he just really struggles with life. I don't give him a phone, but might read a book with him, which might seem rude to other people if we're out in company. Also a pamper party for 6 year olds is not to everyone's taste...!

NorthenAdventure · 12/10/2025 23:06

NerrSnerr · 12/10/2025 22:44

My son would have done this if given the chance (I wouldn’t have given a phone) but he’d have sat on the side and watched and did for many parties. He liked the idea of being invited but got anxious when it came to it. He’s 8 now and can say what he doesn’t want to do now, it’s still touch and go whether he’ll eat anything and he hates being left at parties, he doens’t need much from us now but I think he likes the reassurance of having us there. He may come across as rude, he’s really not, just doesn’t like some situations and finds them hard to navigate.

Same. Actually, one of my children never joins in at parties - he's far to shy ro join in with games and is scared of entertainers. I still take him to the parties though- it's important that he interacts with other kids and sees them socially, even if it is very little... otherwise it will get worse!

TartanMammy · 12/10/2025 23:44

NerrSnerr · 12/10/2025 22:44

My son would have done this if given the chance (I wouldn’t have given a phone) but he’d have sat on the side and watched and did for many parties. He liked the idea of being invited but got anxious when it came to it. He’s 8 now and can say what he doesn’t want to do now, it’s still touch and go whether he’ll eat anything and he hates being left at parties, he doens’t need much from us now but I think he likes the reassurance of having us there. He may come across as rude, he’s really not, just doesn’t like some situations and finds them hard to navigate.

My ds is very similar. He will look forward to parties and say that he wants to go but when he gets there it's all a bit overwhelming and he finds it hard to join in. I've lost count of how many parties he's ended up on the side just watching and no amount of coaxing can encourage him to join in, sometimes he comes out of his shell and manages ok and sometimes it's all too much for him. I wouldn't allow him to sit on a phone though, that's rude and disrespectful to the host. I'd explain to them he was having a hard time and also apologise. It doesn't sound like the grandparent managed it very well here if there was more going on thatln a rude kid.

He's getting better now he's older and parties tend to be a smaller group of familiar friends.

Chinsupmeloves · 13/10/2025 18:59

WonderfulUsername · 12/10/2025 21:06

YANBU that it was bad manners.

But 6 year old children having pamper parties instead of actually doing kids things like running around, playing with their friends is just as mad as having their noses stuck in a phone I think.

Agree, sad this type of thing starts so young.

Chinsupmeloves · 13/10/2025 19:02

Personally I think a pamper party for a 6 year old and the guest on her phone are both a sad reflection of today's world. Sorry, please call me old fashioned!

The usual theme of inflatables, games, disco etc would be better suited to include all and run about and have fun! Xxx

doreuol · 13/10/2025 19:02

MamaGarl85 · 12/10/2025 22:36

I feel like people are missing the point here! The party was presumably age appropriate and what the birthday child wanted to do.

YANBU it was incredibly rude behaviour and if she wasn't enjoying for whatever reason nan should have stepped in or took her home imo

Agree . Cannot get past the fact that a 6 year old has a phone!!

Rpop · 14/10/2025 07:55

Illhaveacokezeroplease · 12/10/2025 21:55

To clarify, it was a party salon specialising in kids’ parties. The package also included a disco, karaoke, food and party games. The same sort of thing you’d expect at any old fashioned kids party in a community centre. There was plenty of running around, dancing and and allowing them to be kids. “Treatments” included face painting, glitter tattoos etc. and were age appropriate for 6 year olds.

All the children had a smile on their faces and seemed to really enjoy, apart from the girl in question. Of course it might not have been her sort of thing so she may have been bored, but most people know what their children will/won’t enjoy, so why bring her then?

It does sound like it wasn’t her kind of thing. There may be lots of reasons she wasn’t engaged but from my experience, I would have felt way too self-conscious at that type of party.

StarlightRobot · 14/10/2025 09:26

I would let this go, OP. Yes, having the phone was rude but you couldn’t do anything about it. It’s possible the little girl didn’t want to be there or is having problems at home, who knows? I don’t think it’s worth rehashing on mumsnet.

I remember one party when my DD, then a similar age, refused to join in. She spent the whole party miserable and clinging to me. I was mortified but couldn’t force her to be happy. Ok she didn’t have a phone but sometimes we can’t control kids and they will act out. It’s not worth dwelling on.

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