Why oh why are people giving their under 12s tablets?

[Bigpinksweater]

The evidence regarding the effects of tablets on developing brains is damning. They are absolutely not necessary and barely existed 15 years ago. We are seeing huge rises in behavioural and developmental issues while steadfastly ignoring the fact screen time and in particular tablets can contribute to virtually all of them.

Why oh why are people still handing their toddlers and primary school children tablets?

It’s not the IPad it’s the person controlling the use of the iPads. My kids have iPads. Older ones barely go on them now - mainly use them for flights on holiday to watch films. They do game on PS5 - mainly FIFA with friends . Only once they’ve done homework and they do sport almost every night after school. They prefer it to watching TV for a an hour and I really don’t see what’s wrong with that. Youngest who is 5 has one and again mainly used on long journeys, we go away a lot. Never used at home. We watch tv series and films with him but at home he’ll play with his toys. If we go out for dinner (again on holiday when you’re out for dinner every night) I admit he has used it in the past but now he’s old enough we play UNO etc with him. Watching toddlers on phones whilst in buggies is so sad I agree. When mine were that young they enjoyed just taking it what was going on around them and chatting to me so I do get it. But it’s not screens themselves. It’s parents not controlling their use. My kids enjoy screen time but prefer to play with friends / toys / play sports so I don’t think I’ve failed them by letting them have them when young.

Umm not true!

Because I'm a developmental psychologist and actually understand how to read studies...

My 2yr old has had unlimited screen time since birth

Being responsible for a 4 year old out and about in town while your parents have a coffee date is a lot to ask for many ten year olds. It could absolutely be parentification if it happens regularly I have an almost 3 yo and would never let my 11 yo nephew have sole responsibility for him out in the community where I couldn't see them, nor do I think he'd be equipped for that. 16 is the age recommended for babysitting duties. However, not what this thread is about so no point derailing.

Because it’s up to parents to decide what’s best for their children and not judgemental randoms online?

We had computes and TV in the 80’s so it’s not as if we didn’t spend time in front screens! Remember Game Boys and the like? I think people are quick to forget. Think of the interactive type games for young children, it’s not really different to a big plastic interactive toy with flashing lights is it?

Times have changed and to make out all tablet devices = bad is ridiculous. Any decent parent knows to limit their child’s time. Educational games can help bring children on so everything in moderation like everything else in life

Because things just aren’t this black and white maybe? My 4 yr old has her to watch a couple of episodes or play a game in bed with us in the morning which buys me coffee time and eases them into the day. My 8 yr old uses theirs for games and downloading books - again for a bit in the morning. Sometimes after school for half an hour. Tablets are not inherently bad if they’re well supervised and used in moderation. Yes - allowing a child unfettered access from morning to night is not great but IME the more we say absolutely not the more you make it the shiny thing that they become obsessed with as soon as their old enough that you can’t control everything. I think it’s preferable to teach them skills to manage tech while they’re younger and we still have some control. Tech isn’t going away!

For every bit of "research" stating it's bad for them is research stating it's a benefit

To be blanket stating that screen use is down to increase in behaviour and anxiety is absolutely ridiculous, the research in to behaviour problems mental health and neuro diversity increases constantly and you have said it yourself there has not been enough time to truly recognise benefits or harm as the children are not adults yet and there is no way to properly and scientifically analyse the data

I also feel you are entitled to your own thoughts but there are much nicer and supportive and mature ways to voice these than sounding off shaming parents online

And before you say it my children are late teens and have never had a tablet and only got phones in high school and phones are not permitted in bedrooms or family room or lounge in our house

Brain’s don’t stop developing till their 20s. Screens are also extremely harmful for teenagers IMO. You hardly ever see teenagers just conversing without a phone or two being passed around anymore.

How has that worked out for you practically speaking? How much does he/she generally watch?

Short videos are the worst of the worst. That’s where the focus should be on in terms of legislation.

If the internet generally is like alcohol which isn’t particularly great but most people can manage their use generally, then social media is like nicotine, and TikTok and other short video providers are heroine.

I'm really interested to know what unlimited means for you?

I agree it’s not ideal but I actually feel worse when I see half a dozen 12 or 16 year olds sitting outside in their meeting spot, mostly ignoring one another while they absorb TikTok. I mean at least the parent is literally physically there with the two year old, has usually chosen the programme they’re watching, and will in the vast majority of cases move the toddler onto another activity at some point. The 12 and 16 year olds are rotting their brains hour after hour, day after day just when they should be forging strong social bonds, exploring their surroundings and their creative/academic potential as emerging adults.

The real reason why.- parents both have to work full time, have hardly any help from grandparents as they're also still working full time. Rising number of single parents that are absolutely on the edge. They need help. Life is almost impossible for a lot of people. A tablet gives them an hours necessary peace and quiet.
My kids are 4 and 2 and don't have a tablet yet but I'm in a really lucky position where my life is nowhere near as stressful as a lot of people's.

Schoolwork.

That’s neglect. I can’t believe any parent would think that amount of screen time, and more importantly, no time for anything else that actually promotes healthy living, is acceptable.

Proof?

You’re an anonymous poster on Mumsnet - don’t believe you, sorry.

(and even if you were, people should not blindly believe anything something says on an anonymous forum on the internet!)

Just bear in mind that some of those parents are doing it out of desperation.

My daughter is now diagnosed AuDHD but when she was two and I had to go shopping, I had no choice but to strap her in a pram or she’d be gone. And I mean gone. But she hated being in her pram in shops so she’d cry and scream. Usually I could keep her quiet with food, sometimes by constant chatter but occasionally nothing would work except entertainment. Because she was two, doing something boring and a human with ADHD.

So go ahead and judge all you like, I could not care less. Parents do things that they don’t particularly want to because otherwise they wouldn’t be able to get all the shit done that they need to.

I’m really pleased for you that you haven’t had to resort to that. And I’m sure you’ll tell me that my daughter behaved that way because of screens and that’s why she’s got ADHD and to that I say 🤬

On the other hand, the groups of teenagers hanging out in kids’ playgrounds, swearing at people and vandalising everything in sight have disappeared from my local community in recent years.

I have ADHD and feel calmer when I don't use my phone much in a day but still struggle not to use it. I hate how much time it wastes.

Also, I work with children with ADHD/ASD and find so many now need an iPad to regulate themselves whereas around 10 years ago the majority had learned strategies that didn't need a device.

I go for coffee each week with my parents and 2/4 year old niece and nephew. Both can sit and chat with us for an hour or so whereas friends' children who have always had iPads in these situations can't do without them.

This is all anecdotal so I wouldn't judge anyone for thinking differently but for me these are the reasons I wouldn't give a child an iPad. That doesn't mean I wouldn't let them have use of a family iPad occasionally but I wouldn't want them to rely on it for winding down, regulation or to get through a meal. Largely I don't want them to feel the way I feel about my phone as an adult - addicted basically.

I can tell you how it worked for mine - and it wasn't just watch - the toca-boca games for example are fantastic.

It started when they were very little, they'd just watch whatever I was doing on the ipad, or play a game with fishes or fireworks that exploded when they touched the screen.

Once a bit older, the toca games - cutting hair, running a world or a band, swimming around as a fish, or watching youtube according do their interests (eldest went through a phase of watching trainspotter videos - hours of just trains going by!) - they just wander around with it, as they're playing/drawing/whatever it's with them so they can put something on.

When they hit about 4 or 5 they started watching actual TV shows/netflix, interspersed with whatever youtube channel they were into at the time (unboxing videos or whatever).

7-8+ and it started being game playthroughs/tactics/challenges and some more interesting youtube channels like food theory

My only rules were that if I asked them to stop watching something (eg. I didn't like the youtubers who yelled all the time) then they had to, it had to go away when I asked them to put it away (eg. mealtimes), homework had to be done and they had to be ready for school on time (we did have a short phase of no ipad until packed for school, but don't need it now). No ipad overnight (although once in the habit, it just goes on to charge at night and they grab it when they get up in the morning.

Unfortunately, it is common for young children to be handed tablets to ‘babysit’ them. Whilst their parent/s, carer, involve themselves in conversation or other activities.

There will be comparisons between using a tablet now and watching tv years ago.
There is no comparison.
Tablets are mobile and go wherever the young child goes, literally.

My advice would be to do a test on your young child. Remove the tablet and engage in play and other activities. Engage with them whilst you are having a coffee with a friend. Or play games whilst travelling. Read books together.

See the difference in your child’s behaviour after only a short time.

Having to use a laptop or other device will soon be upon your growing child.
Let them be children without the influence of electronic devices whilst they’re still so young.

It really does seem that small children are an ‘inconvenience’ in some ways.
I’ve lost count of the times I see a parent/carer walking with a pushchair/pram and the parent has a phone attached to their ear. Completely ignoring the child. Same, I’ve noticed in parks where the child can do what they like as their parent chats away or scrolls on their phone.

Sad times, a childhood passes by so quickly.

Interesting that every person who has worked with small children for decades says the same thing, isn’t it?

Yes same here.

Well actually we still have chrome books but they are getting replaced with iPads imminently.

Scottish government policy to provide for all children.

its been excellent for my DD with dyslexia

I have a 3 year old and I’m in a due date group on Facebook with other parents and a lot of them bought their kids iPads for Christmas last year. So barely turned 2 years old and got an iPad already. We are really avoiding giving our child our phone or a tablet when we’re out with him.
We went for breakfast last weekend and the little girl at the table next to us had an iPad the entire time, she looked about 3/4