Things that look good in the movies but are probably shit IRL…

[Arlanymor]

I used to be SO envious of Catherine Zeta Jones’ bedroom in Splitting Heirs (remember that film?! It was awful, a failed attempt at farce). She had a narrow swimming pool that went around her bedroom and I used to think: “Wow - it would be so amazing to have a swim first thing in the morning and set yourself up for the day.” In reality, I bed the bedroom stunk of chlorine, it was probably a never-ending journey to keep heated and you’d probably only use it for a week and then get bored of the novelty… what else looks good in the movies but in reality probably just sucks?

Or a tick. On your nethers. And your GP asks have you been shagging in a deer park recently.

Ask me how I know.

😆😂 Bickering in Wickes tipped me over the edge! (As indeed it has done to many couples as you say!)

Movies = The very beginning of every sex scene where the couple has just got back from the bar and they start kissing passionately, taking turns slamming one another against every wall in the house while making their way to the bedroom and simultaneously taking articles of clothing off, continuously kissing. Bonus points if they break a vase along the way or tip a bookcase over or step on the cat because of all the pashun

Reality = a non choreographed approach to having sex

I did it for 6 months in a tiny studio flat and was incredibly lonely. So happy to come home.

This would me my idea of hell - my precious hair ha

Having done it - I agree. Uncomfortable and damp 😂

Renting your own flat in a chichi location always seems totally doable as a movie character, they magically get themselves set up a little place in a fancy area of London that could be Notting Hill, Portobello or Bermondsey market, or in a pretty part of Manhattan or Paris, on what would be a minuscule salary in reality because they’re doing some kind of junior level or trainee job. They’d be commuting in to town for nearly four hours a day round trip from zone 12 in reality on that kind of wage.

When I was younger I used to envy the big American breakfast I would see on Sister, Sister or Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I couldn’t wait to have orange juice AND coffee, cereal AND toast.
In reality, when I tried it, I got full really quick. I couldn’t eat that amount of food in one go and coffee and orange juice didn’t taste good one after the other.

Every single bloody character who is meant to be a former Navy Seal always ends up in a load of trouble and has to send his wife and kid away to deal with it. And its always to her sister 'upstate' every time. Do you think Navy Seals in real life retire and run a car mechanics in Wisconsin or something? Do they get a break in real life?

Actually op my post is slightly on a tangent to the question..sorry!

Unfortunately only wet snow seems to fall in my corner of Scotland in that case. To be fair, the rest of the year is also wet so that figures.

I was coming on to say sex in the shower 😆

And above all mentioned above - the street lights!?!

I always wondered how Carrie Bradshaw slept at night in Manhattan with her curtain always open through the night!

😂

AND pancakes - and it takes an hour to prepare and eat, and then you need to go to the toilet before you leave the house and you can’t eat again until at least 3pm!

Those immaculate minimalist homes so many people seem to have in films, with no objects on the surfaces. It's just not workable in real life.

Everyone who goes into witness protection gets a gorgeous cabin in the woods and nice chunky jumpers, jeans and hiking boots… not a high rise flat in insert shit place where people poo in the lift and your wardrobe consists of whatever they can grab from the local supermarket…*

*No shade, maybe two nice utilitarian pieces, but your WHOLE wardrobe?!

I met my childhood sweetheart again after 30 years - it was amazing and we’ve been married for 20+ years now ❤️

Yeah, the snow thing especially in channel 5 Christmas movies. The female character is wearing a long red coat and heeled boots, she goes out in the snow without her hair getting wet, she might get a “rosy glow” but she doesn’t get bright red and blotchy with a snotty nose and she definitely doesn’t fall over in her impractical boots. There are massive snowmen surrounded by fresh white snow not patchy, muddy, grassy ground where all the snow has become the (small, wonky) snowman and pavements covered in brown slush.

Sex standing up. The height difference is a nightmare, it’s very hard work, and someone always gets injured.

Sex in the sea. Salt in your crevices, presence of marine life, risk of drowning, water washes all the, ahem, juices away so everything’s a bit…frictiony.

Smoking. It looks so fucking cool in the movies, I’m sorry, it just does. But in real life, not so much. Bad breath, expense, yellow fingers, cat’s bum mouth, COPD, lung cancer…none of these are a good look.

Road trips. Feet on the dashboard, endless snacks, miles of flat open road, blue skies, singing along to amazing song after song, stopping on the roadside at night just to look at the milky way and miraculously having a rug put over your shoulders whilst you do.

Reality = bickering about best routes. Satnavs sending you in circles because of road closures it can't understand. Grid-locked traffic, pissing rain, shit radio with thousands of adverts, queuing at petrol pumps, eating cheesy wotsits and shit meal deals till you feel sick and endlessly texting people to say you are going to be 'later than expected'.

Ahh but were you in your PJs?
seriously though, lovely to hear it ❤️

Being a doctor. It’s all saving lives and spotting incredibly rare co notions and no looking at dodgy rashes all day or telling people you can’t do anything for d&v really just go back home

Also being a police officer. That’s all chasing leads or sorting out crimes that directly affect your own social circle (no one minds the conflict of interest at all). No one’s following up stolen bikes that’ll never get found or spending all day talking down angry people under the influence on a depressing loop

Oh and don’t get me started on wearing glasses. I need these to actually see, I’m blind in the morning and fumbling about, they aren’t just to give me gravitas when I’m handed a document and I don’t believe when I remove them and shake out my hair I look different (apart from squinting)