It’s a beautiful time of the year, maybe go out, find a wooded walk and take in the fantastic colours of the trees at the moment. Maybe it will help empty your mind of the intrusive thoughts.
I was brought up as a relaxed Christian, we went to church, more because it was community and in those days not cultish or pious. I find it uncomfortable attending services now because of all the handshaking and “joy”. For me church on Sundays was a place to reset and the familiarity of communion was a constant with no surprises.
I don’t believe in the god thing but I do believe that churches provided support and were an important part of a community. I occasionally attend a service in our local cathedral where it’s easy to be anonymous but it is comforting and reassuring that the service ( usually high church) has not changed. I can relax my mind and reset.
My DH has frequently commented that he doesn’t know why I still have a sense of faith. It is firmly seated in the here and now, but my secret belief that there is a heaven and that I will see my parents, DSis and all the others I was close to and have been taken too early ( my parents and DSis were all mid fifties) is how I deal with loss. The scientist in me knows it’s all bollocks but the afterlife is how we process loss.
Before science religion often answered the difficult questions, mostly incorrectly, unfortunately science still doesn’t answer the biggest question of where we go when we die. Well, it does but most conscious minds struggle to understand how it can just cease to be. I like to imagine it as a dimmer switch, the light fading until it clicks off. But the concept of heaven sort of stops us worrying about what happens.
In the same vain, the concept of universe and your role within it can send you into a spiral. Since we don’t have the technology to go beyond the earths atmosphere ( unless your an astronaut) then worrying about it is pointless. Focus on your immediate surroundings, enjoy your life. SM is so toxic, you are subjected to a tiny selective snapshot of someone else’s finely curated life. Most of the posters are desperately seeking attention because in their real world they feel invisible.
SM can really feed insecurity and mental health problems because it gives you a false picture of what is normal. Maybe delete your SM and make new accounts to reset the algorithm then start searching for subjects that are not as triggering. Cats, dogs, cake making, renovation avoid the subjects that trigger you will prevent you going down a rabbit hole. Better still delete SM for a while.
I became stuck in a certain SM groove after being diagnosed with breast cancer. Searching for like minded support throws up all sorts of cancer weirdness. But quickly realised that people only turn to SM when treatment doesn’t work out or to seek attention. They don’t present a healthy view of the breast cancer community and that 90% actually survive and revert back to a normal life. I think that Sarah Beeny has given the best public representation of what it’s like to go through the process. And has proved that life goes on and you don’t have to spend the rest of your life as a victim. It’s a terrifying experience but SM feeds vulnerable women’s anxiety. And frequently misleads.