To leave a teaching position with 4 kids to wfh for half the pay

[Catseyesgrey]

I am being bullied in a new school by my head of department and some other senior staff. Some other colleagues joining in a bit as I complained about the head of department

Was s bad move, but i thought it would help. He had emailed me a list of complaints after my first week in the job and referenced a disability i had casually mentioned saying he would get me support but he had high expectations going forward.

I fought back reported it was off on stress for 4 weeks- changed my antidepressant thinking it wasn't working. Just before i returned another emailing referencing adjustments i hadn't agreed to from him send me off again.

I emailed him saying disability is a sensitive subject and he shouldn't just email about it.
When i started back he screamed at me and was talking behind my back.

He observed me reaching after 6 days back with my most difficult class. Ripped it apart, some comments I have evidence were incorrect like missing success criteria as it was posted to the pupils class page.

During feedback on the lesson he sat another Principal Teacher at the back of his class, pretending she had nowhere else to work. I spoke openly about my sick leave and anything i would without her in the room. It was his fault she was there why should i hide.

Because of my disability school suggested weekly check-ins but i wasn't comfortable with this and just asked for it as required as i dont feelcomfortable with him.. We haven't done one till this week just as I was finishing up for the oct break. Another iist of three complaints. One quite serious from a senior manager who i have history with as I complained about her husband in my last school.

He minutes everything i say. Smiles while saying all this. Aldo minutes what i do for example highlightjng the minutes. I don't trust him. I completely broke down. Confided in another senior manager who said i was overthinking it. I had mentioned i am possibly autistic then the school said i was just rejection sensitive. Took it more seriously when i brought the union rep along. I requested a stress risk assessment. I did it and was all about him really everything else was fine. HT seemed supportive but nothing has changed. Im now on my holiday stressed. I don't know if he did it on purpose. He seems to do stuff before a weekend/holiday..

I have written out a grievance but not sent it yet.

I have applied for a wfh job that is full time would earn slightly less than teaching part-time term time but be less stressful getting to work, masking etc. Its for an autism charity too so hopefully I wouldn't upset anyone there like I have done. Kids are school age 6,8,10,12. Younger two asd not good with summer clubs plus the cost. I could maybe put them in football.

The new job is in communications
, looks really interesting and stress free. Im totally burnt out, depressed. Wouldn't be as good a pension thou. Husband earns well and has own business. I get child disability benefits too. My wages go on holidays and stuff for house. Kids clubs, food and fuel.

Only issue be school holidays. Its mostly handling social media so i could just get up early do it mornings and evenings.

I have hopes to become an ed psych one day could earn better money pursuing that. If I give up teaching job ill never get another. Cant do interviews due to autism and only got this one as they broke dda in my interview. Probably feel i shouldn't have it. Been having negative thoughs about myself and even twice a suicidal thought. I don't want to act on it. I thought it could be citalopram ive switched to straight to the highest dose. Feel kind of flat too and no interest in socialising. Which is better as I was depressed and lonely for years. So good be happier in my own company.

Go for it. You deserve better than that shit school. Good luck. X

Go for it. You aren’t happy at this school and they don’t seem to want you. It’s better all round.

Is this your first teaching job?

If so, please know that everyone is overwhelmed in thr first year, especially so the first term. It does get easier.

But I would caution that staying long enough to get QTS will be very valuable in the long term, if you can.

You definitely need to leave this dreadful teaching job. It sounds awful. I would just say- that doesn’t mean every teaching job is like that. If you were in a supportive school with good colleagues then you could have a totally different experience. The fact you mention your long term goal of being an Ed psych suggests you want to remain in the education field

And most important: can you afford to drop to half the pay? And would trying to cram work into early mornings and late evenings to avoid using summer childcare cause additional stress? Or possibly even be a breach of your contract because if there are core hours or availability you need to be working between 9-5, there’s no way you can do the job while caring for young children. What does your partner feel? Will they feel an additional financial burden if you cut your income by half?

you definitely need to get out of this toxic job - I’m not suggesting you remain in it - but it’s not a binary choice between the toxic job and one which pays just half. There’s lots to consider. Don’t underestimate the stress of money worries, or the pressure once it gets to summer holidays. If you’re already thinking you’ll try to squeeze a full time role into early mornings and late evenings because your kids won’t cope with childcare then it’s a sign that this job won’t be the perfect solution

You need a year in schools to apply for EP roles. You can find a better school.

Good luck!

Teaching isn't for everyone...

If you're not happy then leave.

You mention this is a new school so did you teach somewhere else first or are you an ECT?

You have only been there a few weeks and seem to have rubbed quite a few people up the wrong way.

Is the turn over of that department high? Thats usually a sign that it's badly managed.

Sorry you’re going through this. There’s a lot here, but my thoughts would be do what’s right for you and those you care about now, Yes it’s sensible to think about pensions but maybe put it on the back burner while kids are the age they are for a few years. My kids are uni age and many of my fellow mums have picked up the same or different careers as kids are older, now working full time and going over bridges that weren’t burnt after all. I don’t know what’s right for you, but I didn’t stay in a career that wasn’t working for me or my family when we could manage with me earning less.

Maybe you could do some tutoring in time , maybe online, to top up the less stressful job but maybe wait until you are a bit less burnt out . I don’t know about the rights and wrongs of the teaching issues (am an ex teacher though) some of it sounds
maybe unfair and OTT from management but on the other hand they have a duty to supervise you, (email would seem an ok way of communicating to me as you have time to read, sit with your feelings about critique, and respond in your time) The children in your classes only get one chance at this year of school and it is public money (all our taxes) so teaching does need to be good enough. It is however a really tough job and from what I hear getting tougher. It’s not for everyone for a whole career. If you’re stressed from a busy life with kids and a difficult start at a new school it might not be right now. In future maybe you can work on interview skills, so you feel you have more choice. In essence , try not to write off your future while you’re feeling down and stressed. Wishing you better tomorrows!

the previous two posts make a lot of sense. If this school is toxic, fair enough, leave … but it does seem to be the case that you’ve had a hell of a lot of run ins with various people. Plus you made complaints in your previous school. As far as the lesson observation is concerned, it’s absolutely right that this is rigorous. The students deserve good teaching. It sounds like the school has attempted to put in support for disability but ultimately the job needs to get done to a professional standard.

And thinking about it more, the fact that with this other potential job, you’re already considering whether you can squeeze as full time job into early morning/ late evening over the summer to avoid using childcare suggests that you’re not really getting the fact that all these factors - having kids/ a disability/ busy life - aren’t a free pass to avoid doing the job properly. Ultimately, if you’re being paid a wage, you need to be able to comply with the demands of the job.

if you want to be an ed Psych, then I would seriously look at other schools rather than moving out of education. It sounds like you need to move on from the current job but see how you get on in a different school. If similar issues continue, then tbh it sounds like you’re not suited to teaching.

Things that stood out for me below but op i would do some self reflection.

You do seem unable to take any form of feedback without perceiving it as an attack. You have fell out with lots of members of staff.

Emailing you a list of faults - are you sure this wasnt constructive criticism?

Shouldn't you have declare a disability and isn't it a good thing that they wanted to put accomadations in place?

Off back of one email you went off sick for 4 weeks at the beginning of a new job?

Why would the school putting adjustments in make you so annoyed that you would go off sick?

Most places communicate by email. Again not sure why emailing about accomadations and disability is such as issue. Shows paper trail and evidence of communciation. Surely you just reply that you would like to discuss it in person and make an appointment.

Observation is again totally normal. I do wonder if you struggle to take criticism and see them as personal attacks

He sat another teacher in to protect himself from you. You dont want email communication so were given face to face - he needs protection against you making allegations

I am concerned you have a history of complaining about people in different schools. This may be following you around now so you are seen as challenging to work with. It doesn’t matter if that is a fair interpretation or not, people will become defensive around you.
Do you have a mentor who is supporting you in your career development who you could sense check situations with before reacting?

This school may not be the right place for you but no job is without some stress or internal politics so you also need to develop strategies flying navigate that.

I think you’ve confused a few people by saying new school - it gives you the impression you are an ECT, but you mention previous run in with teacher’s partner so I’m guessing you’ve just moved schools. However, when did you move schools? Because going off sick for 4 weeks in the autumn term would be unusual.

I’m pretty sure you should have declared your disability as well, if you are expecting reasonable adjustments.

The school environment doesn’t seem to suit you if you’re having so many issues with bullying etc.

I would definitely be looking for a WFH job, whether you can manage by less wage, only you know that.

Tbh, trying to see through all the detail in your post, I suspect that no-one has actually consciously done anything wrong here - you clearly are trying to manage some MH issues to the best of your ability but are not being wholly successful in that quest.
The head of department is trying hard to keep the standards he has set and you are (and have been) unable to achieve them, in the main because of the health issues you are managing.
You just sound catastrophically mis-matched with the role you are in. You said yourself, you wouldn’t have got the job had there not been a technical error at the interview.

For all concerned, but mostly for yourself, you need to make the change. Take a job that better fits with your known and clear limitations. Everyone will be happier and you’ll get the chance to experience success and achievement in your work.

Good luck! x

Sadly, it does sound as if teaching is not the right career for you. I’ve been in ‘toxic’ schools and departments, so I know it can happen and it may well be that is what you’ve been dealing with here on top of everything else. However, if you aren’t able to take criticism without it causing significant stress, you’re frequently finding yourself making complaints about colleagues/managers and you’re not able to push through for more than a week in a new job before having to go off with stress for 4 weeks, then I think you’re always going to find teaching unsustainable long-term. The email may have been spectacularly unhelpful one week in, but instead of raising that with SLT, or just discussing properly with the HoD, you went off sick for 4 weeks of the autumn term - arguably the most critical part of the year for the students. It is absolutely reasonable for them to have had an observation and formal discussion on your return given that timing and I would also have had SLT in with me (though I wouldn’t have tried to hide it). Perhaps unkind to pick your worst class to observe, but the worst classes still need to be taught as well as possible and it’s not good feedback on your challenges/needs to only observe the easy ones. I have asked to observe one of my team with their most difficult class for our performance management reviews because (a) I need to be able to see what we’re dealing with, in the worst case scenario, and (b) it allows me to give support with that particular challenge, otherwise we’re just ticking boxes.

Do find a role that works better for you, it’s utterly soul-destroying working in a job you hate. Don’t try to fit a full-time job around childcare in the holidays if that’s likely to burn you out. Sorry that you’ve had a rough time, and I hope you find a good solution.

No im very experienced just my first permanent school. Been permanent supply for years. Worked hard to get a set school. Think last school given me a bad report as I complained about then to HR terrible behaviour management. Was assaulted.

Wont be half cos ill do 5 days instead of 3.

No it's a good school. He is a very young head of department.

Where’s your union in all of this?

Sounds like a good move to reduce the stress. If you needed to earn extra cash, could you do some tutoring? I’ve even heard from another tutor that there is more of a demand now for day tutoring as well as after school tutoring for SEN pupils who can’t manage school. Something to think about maybe

This
It would be interesting to hear your line managers POV

Sounds like you are now in the job from hell. Unless it would cause considerable financial strain go for the new job.

I'm afraid I think the likelihood of you getting the job you have applied for is exceptionally low. The charity sector jobs market is in an awful state withfew jobs and even lower pay than there used to be. Jobs like you are describing tend to get snapped up by someone with significant marketing and sector specific experience. Unless the role calls for a qualified teacher I would suggest keeping expectations very low.

As an ND parent with two ND children I would also say that the age your kids are can be very tricky. Transitions to high school in particular. I personally wouldbt manage to work ft and I only have two kids (with a million and one meetings between them now).

ECTs already have QTS.

So you've had issues in your previous school too?

Also, why does it matter if a HOD is young? My HOD is really young and he is brilliant. I'm 20 years older than him!

Don't forget supply is different to a permanent teaching job. Supply usually teach a pre planned lesson, crowd control etc... whereas permanent teachers have huge responsibilities.

It sounds to me like perhaps teaching just isn't for you? It took a friend of mine 10 years to realise that! She tried 3 different schools and supply. You need thick skin and not to take things personally.

Your alternative job sounds like it might work much better for you.

There's a lot to unpick in your post but I would suggest that this is not the right school for you.

You disclosed a disability and the HoD/someone tried to suggest adjustments. Email often works as a starting point because the person can digest the information and have a think before replying. It won't have been done to be nasty.

I don't know what the 'complaints' are that the HoD raised - as a HoD myself, it's never a nice conversation to have but issues do need addressing.

There seem to have been an awful lot of issues in the space of 6 weeks! And you were off sick for 4 of those which will have impacted the students and the HoD. Sometimes it can't be helped but this seems to have been off the back of one email that could have been resolved by speaking to people and setting up a plan.

It sounds like things got off to a bad start at the interview stage!

Whether you will get the charity job, I don't know but either way, I would strongly suggest you resign and leave your current school. Perhaps return to supply if that worked well.

4 weeks off and this many issues in 2 weeks of actual work.... There's a common denominator.