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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Conflictions on Moving House

37 replies

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 01:40

My husband wants to move within less than 1 year of moving and I don't! Within the year we have had a full re-wire and a new kitchen and bathroom fitted and we also have 2 young children. I have managed "ALL" aspects of this including the move itself.
He wants to move because our daughters bedroom is small (this is the only reason)
I am in absolute love with the house the garden and the area, it is my dream home where I have also made friends as well and my children, many of my children's friends are within walking distance Inc after school activities, shops and the school are also all on foot which we have never had, we have always lived remotely before having children.
He found a property he was dead set on and it was completed (ours in in the mids of renovations) but not local and I went and seen it 3 times to tell him each time I am trying to be open minded but it's not the one for me, I wasn't feeling it. Solicitors were involved but the home buyers survey was shocking so we pulled out.
Each time he has not listened to my feelings, thoughts or suggestions shouted at me and told me that I am being selfish and it is for our children and that he is leaving me if we dont move as he doesnt not want to renovate anymore (we have renovated previously) or should I say "I". It has put a massive strain on our relationship because he doesn't want to talk to me only shout and tells me my opinions are stupid and on the rare occasion we have spoke he's still very strong willed. I told him how badly this is getting me down but he tells me if I take my foot off the gas in looking for a new house then he is afraid I'm never going to want to leave and he hates it there.I would never say it to him but he has come up with some ridiculous reasons for moving like did you hear that car outside that's twice this week it's drive past like that like wtf.
I don't want to leave anyway but been force along by a roller coaster of emotions and he's not getting it! I have offered up solutions because apart from the bedroom situation that is the only issue we have.
We cannot go up in the attic as no Room and pointless pinching off another bedroom for a tiny bit for alot of money so have been looking at space saver options but again he point blank refuses.
Our marriage is really strained at the moment and because I am a pleaser my insides are screaming "put my foot down with him instead" but I feel all out of energy. Will post a picture with my ideas for thoughts on what to do with this room. I was thinking my daughter is only little so can last another 2 years in there approx and my son will be 9 then so was thinking of doing this room for my son then a little while later putting a chillout/pad/gaming room in the garden for him.(60ft garden) Honest opinions please, I can take it.

Conflictions on Moving House
Conflictions on Moving House
Conflictions on Moving House
OP posts:
AbzMoz · 12/10/2025 03:30

It’s less about the house and more about his attitude and ultimatum. Solving the layout of a bedroom is somewhat easy; continuing to live with someone who has made it clear they hate their home is another thing entirely.
I would stop viewing other houses and DIY, and have an overdue chat to get on the same page.
FWIW I am finding it hard to believe DD bedroom size is the only issue. Does he have a horrid commute? Has given up his mates? Has embarrassed himself in front of the neighbours? Is overwhelmed by the renovation costs/mortgage?

Meadowfinch · 12/10/2025 03:46

The bedroom is fine for a child still young enough to need a potty.

I wouldn't stay with anyone who shouted and threatened and issued ultimatums. No matter where you move to, he won't be happy.

What is his real issue? You've settled & made friends, and he is jealous?

Or as PP said, his commute? Or he feels out of place in the community?

Darragon · 12/10/2025 04:00

No advice on the relationship but picture 2 is clearly impossible AI ‘design’ like the stuff that’s taken over Pinterest and is also wrecking design instagram, as there’s nowhere for DD’s legs to go when she’s in bed. So scrap that idea. It really looks like the room isn’t big enough for a full size single bed, is that why DH is stressing so much because he’s worried you’re running out of time before she needs a bigger bed maybe?

Simplyrewarding · 12/10/2025 06:44

It won’t be the “only reason”

it will be the “only reason” he’s telling you

Ginmonkeyagain · 12/10/2025 07:42

Moving house after less than a ywar is madness - so much wasted mnney. Also it is a massive red flag for potential buyers, you will almost certainly end up taking a haircut on the price.

No one sensible would risk losing thousands of pounds just because they think a very small child's bedroom is too small (and looking at your pictures - it really isn't.

What else is going on?

Longleggy · 12/10/2025 07:46

That bedroom is absolutely fine - I grew up in the tiniest box room at Home and stayed there until Uni! Agree with other PP, there has to be another reason her really wants to move… stand your ground OP. You’ve listed so many positives about the current place! Stick with it 👊

Puzzledtoday · 12/10/2025 07:49

God grief, he sounds absolutely unhinged. Sorry OP.

iziwizi · 12/10/2025 07:52

He’s trying to bully you. Stand your ground.

Nimbus3000 · 12/10/2025 07:54

Did you post about this before OP? If so, it still sounds like it is the renovations that are the issue. Renovations are stressful. Yes you have done all the work, but they will have an impact on your family and DH as well.

Your ideas for the little bedroom are good but will add to your DH's stress about living in an ongoing renovation.

His communication needs work, but he sounds desperate. Could you get some mediation or counselling for this specific issue and try to work your way to a compromise (which will mean you need to be flexible as well)

ForCraftyWriter · 12/10/2025 07:55

@Rocky1989 its definitely not about the bedroom, but you need to be able to sit down and have a rational conversation about what the actual problem is.
Does he understand how much money would be wasted in fees?
He knew the bedroom size before buying so it can’t be that.

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 08:09

Whe did eventually have a long a long overdue conversation but he's still very set on his opinions. I feel like he has heard me but white noised me if you get what I mean.
Renovations are stressful and he really does not deal with it very well when given the reins so it has always been me.
We have run out of funds from the move but I am more than happy to continue saving and plodding along as Rome wasn't built in a day but he doesn't want too. The thing is we simply cannot find a complete house done within our budget, they all need something like kitchens and bathrooms minimum and he's happy with that! I think he was very naive to think our budget on this house would go all the way and he doesn't want to save.

OP posts:
Ginmonkeyagain · 12/10/2025 08:11

So if you have run of funds for the renovation, will you fund a house move? You will need at least a few thousand pounds for moving costs - more if you are in an expensive area and will have to find the cash for stamp duty.

Nimbus3000 · 12/10/2025 08:11

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 08:09

Whe did eventually have a long a long overdue conversation but he's still very set on his opinions. I feel like he has heard me but white noised me if you get what I mean.
Renovations are stressful and he really does not deal with it very well when given the reins so it has always been me.
We have run out of funds from the move but I am more than happy to continue saving and plodding along as Rome wasn't built in a day but he doesn't want too. The thing is we simply cannot find a complete house done within our budget, they all need something like kitchens and bathrooms minimum and he's happy with that! I think he was very naive to think our budget on this house would go all the way and he doesn't want to save.

So for him it sounds like moving now would be to buy a 'completed' house and therefore being able to shelve any further need for renovations?

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 08:12

With the ai picture I wouldn't have the storage on the top and incorporate a ladder instead.

OP posts:
Nimbus3000 · 12/10/2025 08:13

What else with the exception of this bedroom still 'needs' renovating in your current house?

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 08:14

We don't pay stamp duty where we live but we are looking at alot cheapest houses to cover the cost of moving. I forgot to mention our house has sold and for the price we want.

OP posts:
hby9628 · 12/10/2025 08:16

That bedroom is fine. You will definitely get a full size single bed. Do not move. He won’t change if his behaviour is this bad.

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 08:17

Every house we are looking at has that generic 3rd box Bedroom and not much bigger so for the sake of a foot or 2 I don't want to move. We are viewing a house in the local area next week which needs doing up but I don't think with the money we have left it will complete the house again, it wants for a kitchen and bathroom too and bringing upto the 21st century and £15k ain't going to do it but he isn't getting it! He has no idea how much things cost.

OP posts:
Ginmonkeyagain · 12/10/2025 08:18

What? Sorry? You have already sold this house?

Nimbus3000 · 12/10/2025 08:21

So if your house has sold why are you still posting about this bedroom? You need to take a step back from trying to prove your point here and have another conversation with your DH about what you both want and need in a home. You driving all these renovations isn't virtuous if he doesn't want them!

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 08:21

We need to complete the rest of the cottage. A wall between the living room and dinning room needs to come out, full plaster, flooring etc, stairs and landing and bedrooms, estimate cost approx £10k .
I was thinking of starting upstairs on the 2 rooms then back downstairs for the wall and renovations and then finally that box room when I moved my son back into there in approx 2 years when my toddler girl goes to school full-time.

OP posts:
Nimbus3000 · 12/10/2025 08:24

But does that wall actually need to come out, are the stairs structurally dangerous? The point I am trying to make is that it sounds like there's a lot of unnecessary stress going on and you're both really reactive. Perhaps what you actually need is to stop for a while, you only moved a year ago and have 2 young kids.

Your DD will be fine in at room until at least 5 btw, it will fit a toddler bed easily.

Simplyrewarding · 12/10/2025 08:26

This issue aside, I’m guessing this isn’t a happy marriage?

helibirdcomp · 12/10/2025 08:28

What renovations are still in progress or left to do? Presumably if you are out of funds everything has stopped. Prioritise getting everything in a livable condition preferably without involving your husband doing anything! So tidy put away hide mess an siphon small amounts of cash to the jobs that have the most impact in making things livable Small bed room is fine for now but plan for how you want to improve it later. Is your husband being controlling with money? The doesn’t want to save comment sounds like he might be preventing you finishing things to get his own way about moving. Still would want to know what is behind his need to move? Is he ND and finding disruptions too much? Sorry I hate labelling bad behaviour ND but it is a consideration

Simplyrewarding · 12/10/2025 08:30

and that he is leaving me if we dont move

come again??!

WTF. This marriage is dead in the water

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