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Conflictions on Moving House

37 replies

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 01:40

My husband wants to move within less than 1 year of moving and I don't! Within the year we have had a full re-wire and a new kitchen and bathroom fitted and we also have 2 young children. I have managed "ALL" aspects of this including the move itself.
He wants to move because our daughters bedroom is small (this is the only reason)
I am in absolute love with the house the garden and the area, it is my dream home where I have also made friends as well and my children, many of my children's friends are within walking distance Inc after school activities, shops and the school are also all on foot which we have never had, we have always lived remotely before having children.
He found a property he was dead set on and it was completed (ours in in the mids of renovations) but not local and I went and seen it 3 times to tell him each time I am trying to be open minded but it's not the one for me, I wasn't feeling it. Solicitors were involved but the home buyers survey was shocking so we pulled out.
Each time he has not listened to my feelings, thoughts or suggestions shouted at me and told me that I am being selfish and it is for our children and that he is leaving me if we dont move as he doesnt not want to renovate anymore (we have renovated previously) or should I say "I". It has put a massive strain on our relationship because he doesn't want to talk to me only shout and tells me my opinions are stupid and on the rare occasion we have spoke he's still very strong willed. I told him how badly this is getting me down but he tells me if I take my foot off the gas in looking for a new house then he is afraid I'm never going to want to leave and he hates it there.I would never say it to him but he has come up with some ridiculous reasons for moving like did you hear that car outside that's twice this week it's drive past like that like wtf.
I don't want to leave anyway but been force along by a roller coaster of emotions and he's not getting it! I have offered up solutions because apart from the bedroom situation that is the only issue we have.
We cannot go up in the attic as no Room and pointless pinching off another bedroom for a tiny bit for alot of money so have been looking at space saver options but again he point blank refuses.
Our marriage is really strained at the moment and because I am a pleaser my insides are screaming "put my foot down with him instead" but I feel all out of energy. Will post a picture with my ideas for thoughts on what to do with this room. I was thinking my daughter is only little so can last another 2 years in there approx and my son will be 9 then so was thinking of doing this room for my son then a little while later putting a chillout/pad/gaming room in the garden for him.(60ft garden) Honest opinions please, I can take it.

Conflictions on Moving House
Conflictions on Moving House
Conflictions on Moving House
OP posts:
Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 08:58

It isn't a happy marriage at the moment but everything has it's ups and downs. I just didn't realise how childish he could be, all I have wanted to have done is speak rationally,hear eachother out and don't call any idea stupid and come to a compromise and "support" eachother but all I've had is an explosive attitude Inc Infront of our children and trying to drag my eldest into it which is very sad in itself too. It has taken months for him to finally turn around and say he's willing to stay in the area that he hates for me and the kids.
Its because he seen his eldest playing with lots of local kids in the park the other day he changed his mind on location and has nothing to do with what I've been saying all along.I get he doesn't want to save and he wants everything done like now and it's been a shock as to how much things costs but we bought this house needing it. We have saved and done it in the past and I think he thought it would be different this time.

OP posts:
ForCraftyWriter · 12/10/2025 09:12

Is the house you are steady living in actually sold or not?
If it’s sold surely your only option is to find a new house?
But he has to cut corners somewhere. If it’s ready renovated it will have to be even smaller. If it’s got a bigger third bedroom it will have to need even more work doing.
It seems like the best situation would be to stay where you are and work out a plan for the minimum amount of remaining renovation and a very short timescale to get it done in.
He sounds horrible but on the other hand I don’t blame him at all for just wanting to be able to live in his home.

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 09:13

He's not ND just stubborn and willing to say anything to get what he wants.I have read between ALL the lines of his shouting and I'm guessing he doesn't want to renovate and save anymore and using the bedroom and the kids feelings as a weapon and excuse every time. Saving was hard last time when we previously renovated so Im guessing he doesn't want to do it again.Hes told me I can stay but he refuses to spend any money on the house. The house sold incredibly quick. We had an open house because of interest 16 bookings and 3 offers within a day, it was a whirlwind like my brain atm.

OP posts:
AC246 · 12/10/2025 09:35

OP, do not move.
You are supported with friends and your children have friends.

He is a bully and wants to take you away from your support.
To isolate you.

Talk to Women's aid for support, but don not move.

ForCraftyWriter · 12/10/2025 09:43

His communication is terrible.
But he absolutely has the right to not want to keep saving and renovating, and he can also change his mind about how he feels about this.

So if you’re both now staying in the house you need to agree what work if any you are going to do

AbzMoz · 12/10/2025 09:55

Can you just agree to crack on with the house you’ve got for a year or so? The wall doesn’t really need to come down right now, your toddlers bedroom doesn’t need planning for primary school right now… so, pause.

Id be focusing on showing him the benefit the local area is having to your kids, their friends, settled in at school, go and discover a local park together etc. You really need to stop looking at alternative houses etc as that is simply not a reality and is only leaving the door open on discussions around moving.

Kindly - your stance on ‘we need to save and I do all the renno etc’ does have a very stressful tone - which is justified, but isn’t going to change his mind or make anyone happy. Even more kindly - his tone, shouting and communication is entirely unacceptable. Why would you want to enter an even more stressful situation with him?

Makingspoons · 12/10/2025 15:19

Op there’s no point doing up the cottage unless you can afford to live in it on your own with the children.

This marriage is circling the drain

He has told you he will leave you and his children if you don’t move

how can you even look him in the eye, let alone share a bed with him and build a life with him.

It is just a matter of when not if.

Makingspoons · 12/10/2025 15:20

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 08:58

It isn't a happy marriage at the moment but everything has it's ups and downs. I just didn't realise how childish he could be, all I have wanted to have done is speak rationally,hear eachother out and don't call any idea stupid and come to a compromise and "support" eachother but all I've had is an explosive attitude Inc Infront of our children and trying to drag my eldest into it which is very sad in itself too. It has taken months for him to finally turn around and say he's willing to stay in the area that he hates for me and the kids.
Its because he seen his eldest playing with lots of local kids in the park the other day he changed his mind on location and has nothing to do with what I've been saying all along.I get he doesn't want to save and he wants everything done like now and it's been a shock as to how much things costs but we bought this house needing it. We have saved and done it in the past and I think he thought it would be different this time.

So he has children from another relationship that live in a different area?

GreyChicken · 12/10/2025 15:24

There is so much more to this.

I feel a dripfeed!

NotThisBollocksAgain · 12/10/2025 15:33

I cant work out what is going on! Is the house already sold?

Makingspoons · 12/10/2025 15:35

But your thread from a day ago was about you moving in to a converted attic flat.

This is all very weird

Rocky1989 · 12/10/2025 18:33

There's no converted attic flat!! I'm not drip feeding the story and he doesn't have any other kids elsewhere just to clear this up.I am just after some advice on what to do if you were in my situation because we are going around in circles the pair of us.I personally am no stubborn and open to admit I always put others before me so just not sure what to do tbh because he keeps saying it's for the sake of our children.
We can't buy completely renovated in the same area either as we don't have the budget and or I don't have the energy with inside 1 year to do it again. We can get what he wants (no renovations and 3rd bedroom bigger but it is a commute) only 15 mins but it takes you where there's nothing on foot, no shops, parks etc so would have to drive everywhere. Our options are 1. Stay where we are, save and keep the box room. 2. Move local and renovate but 3rd bedroom is not much bigger 3. Commute approx 15 mins and have it renovated but drive everywhere.

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