DH and his friend

[Zui78]

My DH has developed a close and intense friendship with his work colleague. Their work situation sounds stressful, but he stays in touch with her frequently. At each work drama, he’s on call to her, or he tells me how she helped him, or he’s helped her. They text a lot, and I saw some texts, nothing remotely odd, but they seemed too intense. I saw a text from him to her at 6 am. Is this normal?

Yes but OP's H isn't at the gym working out.

So he has a very stressful job, and you don't have the patience to listen to him vent about it. As a result, he's venting to a colleague who's in the same situation.

Who else is he supposed to talk to?

Of course it's also possible that something is developing between them, but you say there was nothing inappropriate in their messages.

Be honest - If this colleague was male, would you feel the same way?

Marriage means nothing (when you say she’s married).

This is a bit like an emotional affair imo- regardless how he is with you/ the kids I think you need to meet her!

Yes.

It all sounds a bit much to me. Is she in a relationship or single?

Can you negotiate a time limit with him so it doesn’t entirely encroach on YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

I’m not surprised you’re pissed off - but you need to have a conversation with him, even just to judge his reaction about the whole thing.

And what’s his job? Is it life or death material or something else?

Not remotely ridiculous. You, on the other hand are naive. The reality is that most affairs start at work and they begin with emotional involvement. The op is perfectly reasonable to be keeping this on her radar

How else is he meant to offload a bit of work stress, then? He needs someone to talk about that sort of thing with, if you don’t understand and don’t want to try. I understand why you’re twitchy but you’ve seen their messages and found nothing untoward.

I don’t think a text at 6am between friends, even work friends, is a problem in itself. Some people just message whenever they think of something, not expecting an immediate reply.

You are very naive. My husband talks to
me when he wants to offload . This is precisely how emotional (and then physical affairs) start.

It's funny how these kind of "special friendships" are never between a DH and some unfuckable coworker....
it's never Steve who is kind and funny but 6st overweight with terrible halitosis...
Or with Janet who is 1 year off retirement and loves cooking, her labradorite and her grandchildren and is like the aunt he never had....

Its an emotional affair at the very minimum