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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset at close friends moving

49 replies

pussinboots61 · 11/10/2025 18:13

Maybe I am being over sensitive about this but I do suffer from anxiety and always tend to overthink and assume the worse case scenario.

A married couple who are close friends of mine, in fact more like a second family, have sold their house and have put an offer in for somewhere in another town, they have already sold their own house after two years of it being on the market. This town isn't too far away but to me it is still another town. They say they haven't been able to find anything suitable in our city.

I worry about not being able to see them as much and them not being able to visit me. as I depend on them a lot. They have assured me that this place is only half hour away from where I live as it is just on the edge of this other town and not too far away, plus there is a bus that goes straight through. To me though it is another town.

When they found out that they had sold their house they told me they wouldn't put an offer in for this other place if were to upset me and they would look for somewhere in our city. I know that they really want this place and I couldn't be put in that situation where they lost it because of me and then didn't find anything else and lost the sale on their house. So they have now put in an offer and I feel depressed and upset. I know it is their decision and I respect that but I can't help the way I feel. Some people who I work with live in this town and commute OK every day but I still feel its far away.

Another issue is that they have always said if they moved they could find somewhere with a 'granny flat' so that I could move with them if I wanted and they wouldn't charge me much rent. I have always been wary of this because I live in a Council property now which is secure and I wouldn't want to give that up or my independence. I now worry that they might want me to move to this place with this which has an upstairs area (its a bungalow) which is seperate and could be used as a flat. I wouldn't want to move out of our city anyway.

I might be overthinking this but just wanting some advice.

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 11/10/2025 18:17

They are still your friends, even if they live in another town! You can still meet up. You can still talk on the phone, and support each other.

How do you depend on them? What kind of support are they giving you?

Don't give up your council property.

Do you have any other friends? What are your hobbies/interests?

MinistryOfTragic · 11/10/2025 18:19

They said that they wouldn't put in an offer on a house they really wanted if it would upset you? That's a strange friendship, I would never do that for any friend and I love mine dearly. And just because they might expect you to move with them doesn't mean you have to. I can understand feeling sad at someone moving away but not such a sorry distance, you sound a bit needy. Don't you have any other friends?

onceuponatimeinneverland · 11/10/2025 18:21

Stay put.

You aren't going to be far away from them.

The whole relationship sounds toxic to be honest.

Try and build other relationships - easier said than done I know

TheSlantedOwl · 11/10/2025 18:21

I’m going to make a guess that you have had a difficult childhood with attachment issues? It feels like these friends have more of a parental, care taking role in your life. So it feels extra hard for them to go a little further away. It might be triggering early issues for you? Maybe some counselling could help.

OrigamiOwls · 11/10/2025 18:22

This friendship sounds... intense. I wouldn't consult any of my friends before moving house

Overthebow · 11/10/2025 18:23

What do you depend on them for? They are your friends, you’re not always going to be loving in the same place and they need to do what’s best for them. It doesn’t sound like they’ll be that far away so you’ll still be able to see them, but it might be good for you to be less dependent on them.

Usya · 11/10/2025 18:25

If they ask you to move. A simple thanks but no thanks I’m happy in my town/property.

as for them moving away, it’s only half an hour away so still easily visitablr, but it also sounds like some distance might help you a little bit with some independence from them which might be a good thing for both sides?

TalulahJP · 11/10/2025 18:25

Stay where you are in your council fiat and become more independent.

If they ask you to move tell them that you need to think about it. Subsequently tell them that aftwr a lot of thought you don’t want to lose your council flat and love the place you're in so thanks but no.

What you don’t want to do is be on the phone every ten minutes asking then stuff and they are too far to instantly help. So think about Wgat kind of support you need and how best to access that in future, depending on what it may be.

MatildaTheCat · 11/10/2025 18:27

When you say you depend on them a lot what does that mean? It’s really unusual that they have offered the option of potentially living with them. It sounds as if there’s a lot of history to unpick.

Staying where you are seems the best plan and then looking at ways to keep in touch and meet regularly in a way that works for everyone.

Change can be difficult but they have made their own choices and you will adapt.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 11/10/2025 18:29

Why on earth would they let you move in with them?

mnahmnah · 11/10/2025 18:32

This is very strange.

You depend on them?

They offered not to offer on the house if you didn’t want them to?!

Then you could live in their granny annexe?!

Dippythedino · 11/10/2025 18:34

Get some therapy and start putting in boundaries because friendships like this always explode due to the intensity.

Working with a therapist will help you understand why you're so dependent on others. Try to find ways of opening up your social circle le, join clubs/women institute/ reading club's/ fitness classes etc.

DO NOT under any circumstances give up your council flat because if you become estranged from them then you'll be homeless.

I say this kindly but I think the intensity & codependency could be the reason why they're moving away. Putting some emotional distance between you will actually make the relationship healthier.

TheDenimPoet · 11/10/2025 18:35

As someone with anxiety issues who has relied on friends perhaps too much support in the past, I know where you're coming from. However. You cannot dictate where they live. If it's the right thing for them, that's what they should do.

They're only in the next town, and they're still available on the phone/social media etc.

It's not right for you to "depend" on people, even more so when they're not even related to you. That is an unfair burden to place on them. As someone who's been there, I can promise you that when the difficult times are over for you (which I hope will happen) you will look back and know how unfair you've been to these friends.

VoltaireMittyDream · 11/10/2025 18:39

This is clearly upsetting for you, but it is not reasonable to expect another household to take your preferences into consideration when they are making a big financial and life decision for themselves.

It is really unusual for them to suggest your living in a granny flat at the bottom of their garden, and I'm glad you are not considering this. I worry it would be easy for people to exploit you in this situation.

Are you getting help with your anxiety?

OogieBoogiO · 11/10/2025 18:42

I’m sorry your very close friends are moving. That’s always a bit emotional and can indeed make one feel anxious of the unknown. I just want to assert you and say you will be okay. This is a good opportunity for you to stretch your wings a bit more see you are indeed capable without your friends next door.

You say you rely on them a lot … would you say too much? In which case some distance might help you have a more healthy/mutually balanced and thriving relationship.

Don’t worry about being asked to move in. You can always say no. You have a good flat and feel happy in your city. You can still be friends and maintain your independent living situation.

In summary, it’s normal to be nervous whenever big changes occur but you can do this. Try to support your friends and then make plans to visit with some nice flowers. If you are all true friends you will stay in touch.

KathyDuck · 11/10/2025 18:44

OogieBoogiO · 11/10/2025 18:42

I’m sorry your very close friends are moving. That’s always a bit emotional and can indeed make one feel anxious of the unknown. I just want to assert you and say you will be okay. This is a good opportunity for you to stretch your wings a bit more see you are indeed capable without your friends next door.

You say you rely on them a lot … would you say too much? In which case some distance might help you have a more healthy/mutually balanced and thriving relationship.

Don’t worry about being asked to move in. You can always say no. You have a good flat and feel happy in your city. You can still be friends and maintain your independent living situation.

In summary, it’s normal to be nervous whenever big changes occur but you can do this. Try to support your friends and then make plans to visit with some nice flowers. If you are all true friends you will stay in touch.

Is that ChatGtp?

pictoosh · 11/10/2025 18:45

It sounds like a strange friendship. A granny flat? What??
Why are you having these conversations?

FeliciaFancybottom · 11/10/2025 18:50

Why and how are you so dependent on them? They can't make you move if you don't want to, so don't worry about that.

autienotnaughty · 11/10/2025 18:52

If it’s a strong friendship it will continue, they can still be your friends from 30 min away. I wouldn’t give up your council house, if you did and anything went wrong you would be screwed.

thisishowloween · 11/10/2025 18:58

This all sounds incredibly unhealthy. Why are you so reliant on these people?

Livpool · 11/10/2025 19:05

This all sounds very intense - maybe they want some distance

Zempy · 11/10/2025 19:13

I’m not quite sure how to word this. I don’t want to cause any offence OP, but do you have poor mental health or learning disabilities?

Otherwise I don’t really understand this situation.

wavingfuriously · 11/10/2025 19:15

onceuponatimeinneverland · 11/10/2025 18:21

Stay put.

You aren't going to be far away from them.

The whole relationship sounds toxic to be honest.

Try and build other relationships - easier said than done I know

Not toxic at all!😐 real friends love each other

Diarygirlqueen · 11/10/2025 19:16

Truthfully, I would be moving away to get away from this friendship. It sounds very unhealthy and suffocating.
Hopefully the distance will make the friendship more even and less pressure for the other couple. Noone can tell anyone not to move or force someone to move in with them.
Stay in your own home and get help with your anxiety.

Silvers11 · 11/10/2025 19:17

@pussinboots61 Forgive me if I've got the wrong impression, but I'm thinking that these 'close friends' are actually your family members? Would I be wrong in that assumption? Otherwise some of what said in your PP doesn't make a lot of sense?

How old are you?

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