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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL comments..AIBU?

38 replies

MamaFifi05 · 10/10/2025 21:00

Hello...we've been on holiday for almost a week with my in-laws, and our two children (2 and 9 months). It's been fun, all inclusive, lots for the toddler to do although I've not had much sleep due to BF the smallest who still wakes a lot. Today my MIL announced this morning at breakfast that she was in a bad mood due to sleeping badly last night (they are in a different hotel room on another floor...albeit my FIL is a terrible snorer!) For some reason I was taking the brunt of her bad mood today...and she randomly came out with some very nasty comments about me having had two C-sections. Essentially that I just "laid on my back and let everyone else do all the hard work". It felt very pointed, and not in jest. My last C-section was complicated and left me with a long recovery both mentally and physically which she knows. AIBU for now not wanting to spend much time with her? She has a tendency to be a bit spiky sometimes but this is a step too far tbh. Side note, I've spent most of the holiday trying to book activities/restaurants for them and the children to enjoy (together and solo), and they've spent a lot of time sunbathing while I feel like I've done nothing but rush around after the children...so I don't feel like I've taken the P or annoyed her.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 10/10/2025 21:06

Those are very odd comments.

I am curious to know what prompted them, other than her just being spikey.

I wouldn't be very happy if they were directed at me for no reason and I would be be telling DH in no uncertain terms that he is dealing with her for the remainder of the holiday - and maybe beyond - if no apology was forthcoming.

Keroppi · 10/10/2025 21:13

Wtf? What did DH say and how did you respond?
Time to stop doing shit for them. Tell DH you want an apology and you're off to sunbathe and make the most of your holiday!

Zoraflora · 10/10/2025 21:14

What a strange thing to say to you. I mean what has it got to do with her how you gave birth?

I would have challenged her there and then. Is she doing childcare on the holiday? Is she pissed off about that?

ThickGrass · 10/10/2025 21:14

When her guard went down under a little stress, she has revealed to you what she has been thinking for some time, a bit like when people have had a drink. I would let it go, there is no point to prove, whatever is eating at her, is hers to carry.

But I would not forget and simply match her energy - she gets from you what she puts in. You have clearly made it look like you had it easy, so make it easy - for yourself, let them crack on making good times happen.

Speaking from similar experience few years back, you will be amazed how much energy you conserve by dropping the ball beyond your nuclear family. Enjoy the rest of your self-centred, well deserved holiday!

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 10/10/2025 21:15

Does the hotel have a spa? I'd be heading there (alone) first thing tomorrow morning

Zoraflora · 10/10/2025 21:15

Was your partner there when she made the comments? What was his reaction.

FuzzyWolf · 10/10/2025 21:18

Some people have strong feelings towards the type of birth, medication in labour, breastfeeding, disposable nappies, car seats etc. It’s odd that they use so much head space on it but there you are.

I wouldn’t bother booking anything else for them for the rest of the holiday and just enjoy the time you have left with your DH and children. You now know not to go on holiday your MIL again.

AbstractReflections · 10/10/2025 21:20

She said she was in a bad mood, sounds like she's someone who takes her bad moods out on others. Definitely give her a swerve!

CrispsPlease · 10/10/2025 21:24

Oh she's one of those ! Bitter jealous rival of your DHs affections. This type are awful humans. I wouldn't be rushing to go on holiday with them again. I'd be putting in a measured bit of distance when you get back home. Talk over her next time she starts saying something designed to provoke a reaction.

Squishydishy · 10/10/2025 21:29

It’s because she doesn’t understand c sections. She hasn’t had one, read about one, seen videos, understands about all the layers that get cut etc. She’s simply ignorant.
Anyone with a basic knowledge knows it’s not a walk in the park (and neither is vaginal birth). It’s very 90s to describe it as too posh to push etc like it’s a day at the spa.
I would be tempted to pity her. Tbh you were probably too shocked to reply at the time but I would have wanted to say something like ‘what an awful thing to say Sue what makes you want to say unkind things like that?!’ Like you would talk to a toddler

AffableApple · 10/10/2025 21:31

Tell her to fuck off.

Tell her you'll take your grovelling apology from her upon your return.

Go out for the day.

partytimed · 10/10/2025 21:34

A c section is not an easy option. I’m sorry she’s doing this to you.

Original poster
MamaFifi05 · 10/10/2025 21:57

Thanks all, good to know I'm not being overly sensitive! I'm also curious to know where it came from..my only thought is that my husband has been very hands on with our toddler on this trip (as he should be?!) because I'm still nursing our baby all hours. She's quite old fashioned and clearly thinks I should be doing most of the childcare/domestic chores (especially for her precious son...) so when I mentioned about a relative going into labour earlier she took the opportunity to take a dig at how 'lazy' I am?! It's a tenuous link but we were sat on a bench eating ice cream while the baby napped...hubby was running around in the playground with our toddler so didn't hear. I doubt she is ignorant to C-sections as she saw my recovery, but yes may have some old fashioned views on it being the easy way out..who knows. Shocked me, and yes I've booked the spa tomorrow!

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaFifi05 · 10/10/2025 22:03

Zoraflora · 10/10/2025 21:14

What a strange thing to say to you. I mean what has it got to do with her how you gave birth?

I would have challenged her there and then. Is she doing childcare on the holiday? Is she pissed off about that?

I know...plus not that it matters at all but I had a C-section for medical reasons, which would have made a vaginal birth impossible. She knows all of these things. I wondered about childcare but I don't think I've really palmed them off on her at all. She's getting a lovely tan and has spent quite a lot of time solo so I wouldn't have said so!

OP posts:
BeLilacSloth · 10/10/2025 22:12

‘MIL i’ve had multiple layers of skin cut open twice now and 2 very difficult recoveries, i’m now left with a huge red angry scar (and if like me) a massive over hang on my belly. It definitely was not an easy option.’ And avoid for the rest of the holiday.

Screamingabdabz · 10/10/2025 22:35

They’re hurtful comments and I’d struggle to forgive that. I’d certainly let DH feed that back somehow.

Fuck her and her 1950s misogyny. I’d smile and look like you’ve risen above it but secretly I’d cut her off. She’d get minimal goodwill from me from now on unless she seriously seriously redeemed herself in some way. YANBU.

Endofyear · 10/10/2025 22:46

I'd have bitten back immediately when she made those comments! Whatever her mood or motivation, YANBU to have some time to yourself tomorrow and let DH babysit his rude mother!

Ghostellas · 10/10/2025 22:50

Just another miserable MIL! I think some
women can’t get over their little boy loving another woman.
i might end up like that too but I’ll try not to! Just ignore her

JLou08 · 10/10/2025 23:23

They aren't the kind of comments that could be put down to tiredness. Snapping at someone being noisy or disagreement on what to do maybe but not comments about you doing nothing when you had a C-Section. That's a really weird comment to make. I'd ve keeping my distance from her as much as possible.

pizzaHeart · 10/10/2025 23:33

I agree with @ThickGrass and @JLou08 It wasn’t an accidental comment due to tiredness, it was brewing for sometime, and it’s particularly nasty as she knew all details and that it was for medical reasons.
I wouldn’t accept an apology for this, and I would keep my distance from her as much as possible and I wouldn’t make any effort any more.

Summerlilly · 10/10/2025 23:52

I’m offended for you. As someone who had an emergency C and is choosing to have one for my second due to birth trauma, I actually could not forgive someone if they said that to me.

I would be telling DH if I were you, so he understands why you are removing yourself from her for awhile

I also agree with other posters this has absolutely nothing to do with tiredness. She is just being vicious and it’s absolutely uncalled for.

99bottlesofkombucha · 10/10/2025 23:56

I would be so mad!! How about saying I see, you’ve mentioned that a bit- would you really prefer I had died I childbirth trying to have a natural birth? Does dh know you feel that way? And stare at her.

Lavenderandbrown · 11/10/2025 00:00

That is one cold hateful comment op. Keep an eye on her and keep her at arms length. She's seething about something underneath her outward appearance.

AnneShirleyBlythe · 11/10/2025 00:05

CS are not an easy option! They save lives, mumsc & babies. Would she rather go back to when women commonly died in child birth? I developed HELLP syndrome which is potentially fatal, without a CS myself & my child may have died. What an ignorant woman!

Moveoverdarlin · 11/10/2025 00:12

You have to put bitches like this back in their place. I would make reference to it again so she knows she’s pissed you off and I would never go on holiday with them again.

Maybe say in the morning ‘Better night’s sleep Sandra? Or am I likely to get it both barrels again today about c sections being a walk in the park?’