MIL comments..AIBU?

[MamaFifi05]

Hello...we've been on holiday for almost a week with my in-laws, and our two children (2 and 9 months). It's been fun, all inclusive, lots for the toddler to do although I've not had much sleep due to BF the smallest who still wakes a lot. Today my MIL announced this morning at breakfast that she was in a bad mood due to sleeping badly last night (they are in a different hotel room on another floor...albeit my FIL is a terrible snorer!) For some reason I was taking the brunt of her bad mood today...and she randomly came out with some very nasty comments about me having had two C-sections. Essentially that I just "laid on my back and let everyone else do all the hard work". It felt very pointed, and not in jest. My last C-section was complicated and left me with a long recovery both mentally and physically which she knows. AIBU for now not wanting to spend much time with her? She has a tendency to be a bit spiky sometimes but this is a step too far tbh. Side note, I've spent most of the holiday trying to book activities/restaurants for them and the children to enjoy (together and solo), and they've spent a lot of time sunbathing while I feel like I've done nothing but rush around after the children...so I don't feel like I've taken the P or annoyed her.

Even though your DH didn't hear it, I hope you talked it over with him.

He is being hands on with your toddler because:-

You are nursing the other child
He is their dad so shares the parenting responsibilities.
He wants to spend time with his child.

DH needs to show his own mum that he is totally on the same page as you and this has nothing to do with her and even if you hadn't had a difficult recovery he would have still wanted to play with his own child.

This comes across as a bit of jealousy that perhaps she got left to do all the work while her DH sat behind a newspaper.

Why on earth are you booking stuff for her? She can do her own bookings. Focus on your dc, let your Dh know that she’s made these shitty comments and tell him you’re no longer interested in spending time looking after her needs or in her company. How much longer do you have to go?

I chose my c sections for non medical reasons and even then I wouldn’t tolerate those comments.

She’s reflecting her unhappiness onto you. Going on this holiday perhaps reminded her of her previous holidays when she was a young mum and it’s unexpectedly brought out her deep-buried resentment about at how tough it was. Her husband probably wasn’t as supportive/ hands on as your DH is with you and the kids - as was normal then.
I wouldn’t mention it to your DH to avoid any unnecessary conflict. She has showed you her character. I would keep a low profile for the rest of the holiday and just continue to be kind in your interactions.
I would also think carefully about having any future family holidays together/ letting her stay over for a few nights in your home so she doesn’t have a full view of what happens in your marriage as she has a tendency to be jealous.
Your marriage is special so don’t let her blow out your candle ! 🩷

Can you book me a spa daughter in law?
nah, I’m too lazy

Pass the salt DIL
Cant, I’m too lazy

Aren’t you going to play with your DC?
nope, terribly lazy

Talk to your DH, he needs to pull her up on that and tell her that kind of shit stops right now. Otherwise, just enjoy your holiday and don’t let it become a ‘thing’

I would be petty and use the 'I'm being lazy' line..

The CS comment was beyond offensive - depending on your willingness to put her in her place (and how your husband would take it 😜), here’s a script for future:

MIL: you’re lazy, you just laid there and everyone else did the work

OP: you’re so right MIL, you know, the delivery really reflected the conception. I just laid there that night too.

I wouldn't be going on holiday with them again!

Does your husband understand how you feel?

“laid on my back and let everyone else do all the hard work”
How did you not respond with “a bit like you on this fucking holiday”!!
Shitty comments like that would be the end for me unless she apologised!

I suspect she thinks you should be running around the play park with your toddler, with the baby strapped to your front, whilst your husband lays on the sun lounger, giving his Mum his full attention!! Perhaps your FIL let your MIL do all the chores and parenting, whilst he did the 'manly' jobs like cut the lawn, wash the car and put the bins out??!! Your husband should be helping you and want to help you, because that's what a good husband and Dad does!! She probably thinks your husband does 'too much' 'he's at work all day', and you're lazy. She deliberately used the C-section to basically say, you took the 'lazy way out' at birth and are still lazy now. I hope you've told your husband? I also hope he is backing you 100%? I definitely wouldn't be booking things etc and going forward I'd be taking a very large step back from her.

Agree with this. I'd have called her out on it at the time - I don't think you really want to bring it up now, then it just comes across as equally catty - but if she says anything similar I definitely would!

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with a C section for any reason, I had one electively (though as it turns out I probably would have ended up having to have one anyway) and not one bit of me feels any kind of shame about that, it was absolutely the right choice and anyone who thinks otherwise is irrelevant.

I wouldn't bother to bite back or argue my point. She's spoiling for a fight and wants you to engage. She won't suddenly think 'oh yes, I'm wrong' and cheer up if you answer her. I'd walk off with no comment and leave her to her bad mood. If she wants to be an arsehole, she can do it on her own time, she doesn't get to have your company. Go and do something on your own and let her sulk.
Never go on holiday with them again.

Thanks everyone for your responses. The update is she did come to our room one morning when I didn't turn up for breakfast so I assume either my DH or hers said something. She did apologise and said she doesn't really understand much about C-sections, was just in a bad mood and "went off on one" but I'll be honest, her card is marked and I feel quite cautious now. Would the apology have been the same if my husband hadn't been shocked too? I suspect not, and feel like she was probably more upset about his reaction than my feelings. But hey ho, me and my lazy arse are home now and will be taking a bit of a step back...doubtful I'll book a holiday with them again.