Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Hello' Man on route to the Co-op continuation thread

105 replies

RogueFemale · 10/10/2025 20:55

Because it maxed out at 1,000 comments.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5411895-old-ish-man-on-the-route-to-the-co-op-who-keeps-saying-hello

There were developments after I finally said hello back, yesterday (see p20 of first thread). Turns out my instincts were correct.

I just want to clarify a few things.

I do walk on the other side of the street to his door, where he stands. He shouts across the street at me.

There isn't a convenient alternative route to the Co-op (where I go not just for milk or whatever, but because it's a post office). It's do-able, but it would be a 20m walk instead of 7m.

Although many of you think I'm mean, nasty and unfriendly, despite this I have easily established friendly contact with other neighbours since moving here, and have said hello etc as normal.

I have past experience of family members with mental health conditions (e.g. dementia, learning disabilities). I don't judge on that basis, but I do judge on the basis of whether a person might represent a threat to me, and my perception, right or wrong, of their mental health may form a part of that assessment.

This man's behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable and despite the fact that I've repeatedly ignored him, he has continued to shout at me when I go past. A normal person would get the message, so it's worrying that he doesn't.

It's also weird that so many of you think women and girls should 'be nice' to potentially creepy men.

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:33

ilovesooty · 12/10/2025 00:23

You don't have to speak with him if you don't want to respond, but I don't see why you refer to him as a cunt and that was what was criticised. No one has said you need psychiatric help either..

The term cunt is one of the most common slurs in the English language, and freely used by me and most people I know. Really no big deal.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/10/2025 00:35

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:33

The term cunt is one of the most common slurs in the English language, and freely used by me and most people I know. Really no big deal.

Might not be a big deal to you. Other people might see your application of the word to this man in a different light.

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:38

ilovesooty · 12/10/2025 00:35

Might not be a big deal to you. Other people might see your application of the word to this man in a different light.

Seriously? The word 'cunt' is freely used all over this forum.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/10/2025 00:39

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:38

Seriously? The word 'cunt' is freely used all over this forum.

It depends on context.

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:46

ilovesooty · 12/10/2025 00:39

It depends on context.

Then please explain what is wrong with the term in this context.

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:48

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/10/2025 00:30

Or you could ignore him.

Thanks, I've tried that, and he hasn't got the message.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/10/2025 00:53

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:46

Then please explain what is wrong with the term in this context.

You've referred to him as Hello man cunt while knowing very little about him and where he doesn't seem to have been actively aggressive and threatening. You made derogatory suggestions and assumptions about his mental health conditions previously. If he'd been unpleasant, threatening or aggressive to you I think that would be a different matter . That's the way I see it anyway. You are of course within your rights not to respond to him if you don't want to.

XenoBitch · 12/10/2025 00:58

You seem to have some real issue with this man.
He is allowed to say hello to people from the safety of his own doorstep. Has he made any hint at leaving his garden and coming after you?
If not, then just ignore him.

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 01:09

XenoBitch · 12/10/2025 00:58

You seem to have some real issue with this man.
He is allowed to say hello to people from the safety of his own doorstep. Has he made any hint at leaving his garden and coming after you?
If not, then just ignore him.

My first approach has been to repeatedly ignore him. It hasn't worked.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 12/10/2025 01:14

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 01:09

My first approach has been to repeatedly ignore him. It hasn't worked.

What is it you want to happen?

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 01:25

XenoBitch · 12/10/2025 01:14

What is it you want to happen?

I want for him never to say hello to me again or to attempt any form of contact.

OP posts:
LawrieForShepherdsBoy · 12/10/2025 01:30

TLDR: OP identifies a vulnerable man, vulnerabilities unclear, suspects dementia. Rather than ignore his hellos, or say hello back, OP decides to make this man’s vulnerability all about her. Bravo.

Both my parents have dementia. The kindness of strangers has been one of the things that has pulled me thru time and time again. The neighbours, the people who work at the local shop, the volunteers at the groups they go to. Random strangers in the street who can just be amazing.

My mum is non-verbal. At a far later stage than my dad. He cried on the phone to me today about how lonely he is. Tomorrow he will go out with old friends he still see every Sunday, and I will visit in the afternoon. But he is still so lonely and isolated.

But anyway, back to you OP, cause that’s what this is all about, right.

LawrieForShepherdsBoy · 12/10/2025 01:34

i dunno why I posted. You just want attention. Kind of like him I guess. You probably have more in common than you realise.

XenoBitch · 12/10/2025 01:37

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 01:25

I want for him never to say hello to me again or to attempt any form of contact.

You can just ignore him.
It is not hard.

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 01:38

LawrieForShepherdsBoy · 12/10/2025 01:30

TLDR: OP identifies a vulnerable man, vulnerabilities unclear, suspects dementia. Rather than ignore his hellos, or say hello back, OP decides to make this man’s vulnerability all about her. Bravo.

Both my parents have dementia. The kindness of strangers has been one of the things that has pulled me thru time and time again. The neighbours, the people who work at the local shop, the volunteers at the groups they go to. Random strangers in the street who can just be amazing.

My mum is non-verbal. At a far later stage than my dad. He cried on the phone to me today about how lonely he is. Tomorrow he will go out with old friends he still see every Sunday, and I will visit in the afternoon. But he is still so lonely and isolated.

But anyway, back to you OP, cause that’s what this is all about, right.

I am not working in care in the community. I am not responsible for this man. All I know is that he repeatedly and inappropriately attempts contact when I walk past, and without any encouragement from me.

As it happens, I today offered to help another neighbour who has dementia. I'm not the fucking nasty cunt you seem to think I am.

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 01:42

LawrieForShepherdsBoy · 12/10/2025 01:30

TLDR: OP identifies a vulnerable man, vulnerabilities unclear, suspects dementia. Rather than ignore his hellos, or say hello back, OP decides to make this man’s vulnerability all about her. Bravo.

Both my parents have dementia. The kindness of strangers has been one of the things that has pulled me thru time and time again. The neighbours, the people who work at the local shop, the volunteers at the groups they go to. Random strangers in the street who can just be amazing.

My mum is non-verbal. At a far later stage than my dad. He cried on the phone to me today about how lonely he is. Tomorrow he will go out with old friends he still see every Sunday, and I will visit in the afternoon. But he is still so lonely and isolated.

But anyway, back to you OP, cause that’s what this is all about, right.

@LawrieForShepherdsBoy
Both my parents have dementia.

Are they harassing women on the street as they go past?

OP posts:
bookworm1982 · 12/10/2025 09:11

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:33

The term cunt is one of the most common slurs in the English language, and freely used by me and most people I know. Really no big deal.

You’re a 60+ woman who ‘freely’ uses the word cunt along with her friends? I bet you’re lovely to sit next to in a pub garden. And before you retaliate by saying there’s nothing wrong with a woman using that word, I agree - I think it’s a great word and I often enjoy using it under the right circumstances. You, however, seem to be throwing it around like a teenager trying to impress her mates or shock her parents. It’s just fucking cringey.

I suspect, given the ever-changing version of events, that you’ve invented - or fabricated - this whole story purely for attention, which you enjoyed so much you actually took the time to create a second thread with a (probably made-up) update. Yawn.

I suggest all posters move on now.

RandomGeocache · 12/10/2025 09:21

FFS, OP. You had all the answers on the first thread. You cannot stop the man saying hello to you, or telling you to smile or anything else.

Just ignore him. Or walk past on the other side of the street. Or put headphones on. Quite simple.

KaySarah · 12/10/2025 10:08

RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 23:35

She said "you’re not coming across as someone who is mentally stable". This isn't a 'gentle' suggestion of anxiety. It's saying I'm the crazy one here, for feeling uncomfortable about a man who is repeatedly shouting hello and ignoring the fact that I do not want any contact with him.

How is my desire for no contact with this man evidence of mental instability?

I don’t think you’re crazy or need psychiatric help but I do think you’re obsessing over this man!

Why I think that is because you ended your first thread and you said you started this one to reply to messages - to say what to people? “you told me I was being mean not saying hello so I said hello and I was right he is a mentally ill creepy man so there!” Firstly a lot of posters on the first thread have no clue about this thread and secondly your update was kind of a non event. Not nice, predictable, irritating yes but not the big reveal you thought it was and it’s not harassment.

You want him to stop saying hello to you, that's not going to happen or as it's getting colder now so maybe he won’t want to be outside. You need to keep ignoring, wear headphones or move.

Bloozie · 12/10/2025 10:55

Well I for one am gripped and look forward to the third thread of the man that stands on his doorstep saying hello.

Report him to the police if you are that afraid and genuinely believe he is a threat to the community. But make sure you give us half hourly updates along the way, yeah?

Pollqueen · 12/10/2025 11:11

Lord, are we still going with this? Smile, don't smile, say hello, don't say hello but for the love of God, let it go

INX · 12/10/2025 11:34

Bloozie · 12/10/2025 10:55

Well I for one am gripped and look forward to the third thread of the man that stands on his doorstep saying hello.

Report him to the police if you are that afraid and genuinely believe he is a threat to the community. But make sure you give us half hourly updates along the way, yeah?

Well I for one am gripped and look forward to the third thread of the man that stands on his doorstep saying hello.

I'm looking forward to the blockbuster movie, complete with theme tune by Lionel Richie.

ibecruising · 12/10/2025 11:47

You asked this question in your very first post

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

No you are not being unreasonable.

Just carry on with your life now.

Nightow · 13/10/2025 20:09

INX · 12/10/2025 11:34

Well I for one am gripped and look forward to the third thread of the man that stands on his doorstep saying hello.

I'm looking forward to the blockbuster movie, complete with theme tune by Lionel Richie.

...or Adele...

Irenesortof · 13/10/2025 21:09

OP I can’t find p20 of the previous thread and I’d like to know what the new developments are please?

Swipe left for the next trending thread