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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Hello' Man on route to the Co-op continuation thread

105 replies

RogueFemale · 10/10/2025 20:55

Because it maxed out at 1,000 comments.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5411895-old-ish-man-on-the-route-to-the-co-op-who-keeps-saying-hello

There were developments after I finally said hello back, yesterday (see p20 of first thread). Turns out my instincts were correct.

I just want to clarify a few things.

I do walk on the other side of the street to his door, where he stands. He shouts across the street at me.

There isn't a convenient alternative route to the Co-op (where I go not just for milk or whatever, but because it's a post office). It's do-able, but it would be a 20m walk instead of 7m.

Although many of you think I'm mean, nasty and unfriendly, despite this I have easily established friendly contact with other neighbours since moving here, and have said hello etc as normal.

I have past experience of family members with mental health conditions (e.g. dementia, learning disabilities). I don't judge on that basis, but I do judge on the basis of whether a person might represent a threat to me, and my perception, right or wrong, of their mental health may form a part of that assessment.

This man's behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable and despite the fact that I've repeatedly ignored him, he has continued to shout at me when I go past. A normal person would get the message, so it's worrying that he doesn't.

It's also weird that so many of you think women and girls should 'be nice' to potentially creepy men.

OP posts:
RandomGeocache · 11/10/2025 22:17

Harassment. Aye right. Attention seeking definitely.

RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 22:18

Pollqueen · 11/10/2025 22:13

He's probably winding you up now and sees you as the strange woman that walks past and ignores his cheery hello. It's become his mission now to get a hello back, so why not just say hello and put us all out of our misery 🤷‍♂️

I already did and got a give us a smile.

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 22:26

YohoCrimbo · 11/10/2025 08:21

What a nasty, shitty comment from another keyboard warrior. Have you read OP’s history at all? She has real reason to be wary of men and her own experiences have made her hyper-vigilant to certain situations.

Threads like this fuck me off no end because OP is an easy pile-on by the #BeKind brigade. OP wasn’t asking for pitchforks to attack this random bloke, but just a little clarity and reassurance that she didn’t have to appease him by answering.

I can’t say I wouldn’t have answered with a Hello but I don’t have the same life experiences as OP but that said, my instincts would probably lead me eventually to agree with her.

OP I know you’re ok - you’ve survived worse but it’s just disappointing to see so many women piling on with their passive digs and sly insults. Indeed, would they be as scathing to their teenage daughters who felt the same way about men in their daily routines?

Instinct is everything. Some of you lot have suggested that OP is crazy to have that instinct. How utterly derelict of you.

Thank you @YohoCrimbo

OP posts:
Redpeach · 11/10/2025 22:31

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/10/2025 21:45

I don't understand how his asking you to smile means he's a creepy man, though.

Have you ever asked a man to smile

Pollqueen · 11/10/2025 22:37

Redpeach · 11/10/2025 22:31

Have you ever asked a man to smile

Many, many times. I haven't written a book about it though. Smile, don't smile, its not a massive issue and certainly doesn't warrant this level of angst 🙄

Pollqueen · 11/10/2025 22:40

Sorry, been asked by a man to smile 😃 - many, many times and yes, I probably have asked a man or boy to smile. Smiling is good, it releases feel good endorphins. Try it 🙃

RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 22:43

KaySarah · 10/10/2025 21:52

From the way you said you were right about your instincts I thought he attacked you or something. I’m very very glad that’s not the case but you updated your first thread and that should have been that once it hit 1000 messages. He told you people should smile more, making a second thread doesn’t make any sense.

You say you think he is mentally ill, he may well be none of us here know, but you’re not coming across as someone who is mentally stable either. I know this is flippantly thrown around but do you have anxiety issues? If yes are you getting any help?

Thanks for your suggestion that I should seek psychiatric help for feeling uncomfortable by a man repeatedly harassing me when I walk past. I'm sure a professional psychiatrist could reassure me that my thinking is wrong, that it's normal for men to do this, and that I should respond in a friendly and encouraging manner. However uncomfortable I feel.

OP posts:
Redpeach · 11/10/2025 22:45

Pollqueen · 11/10/2025 22:40

Sorry, been asked by a man to smile 😃 - many, many times and yes, I probably have asked a man or boy to smile. Smiling is good, it releases feel good endorphins. Try it 🙃

Sounds like you're not smiling enough if many men keep asking you to smile

Pollqueen · 11/10/2025 22:55

Redpeach · 11/10/2025 22:45

Sounds like you're not smiling enough if many men keep asking you to smile

I have a resting bitch face but am v 😀 on the inside

RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 23:04

Pollqueen · 11/10/2025 22:55

I have a resting bitch face but am v 😀 on the inside

You say smiling is good, but you have a resting bitch face?

Are you suggesting I try smiling on the inside to appease the Hello Man cunt? Will he notice, d'you think?

OP posts:
Dollymylove · 11/10/2025 23:05

Why not just ignore him?

CautiousLurker01 · 11/10/2025 23:22

RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 22:43

Thanks for your suggestion that I should seek psychiatric help for feeling uncomfortable by a man repeatedly harassing me when I walk past. I'm sure a professional psychiatrist could reassure me that my thinking is wrong, that it's normal for men to do this, and that I should respond in a friendly and encouraging manner. However uncomfortable I feel.

Edited

She didn’t say you need psychiatric help - she asked, gently, whether you had anxiety and if so whether you were getting any help. This could be counselling, talk therapy or support from your GP. Nothing in her comment suggests you need to see a psychiatrist…

However your response seems aggressive and unpleasant. I suggest you walk away from this thread and consider that therapy.

WhyAreYouSoSpecial · 11/10/2025 23:24

RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 23:04

You say smiling is good, but you have a resting bitch face?

Are you suggesting I try smiling on the inside to appease the Hello Man cunt? Will he notice, d'you think?

My brother had Downs Syndrome, he would often stand at the gate and watch the world go by. People that knew him spoke and asked him how he was. He always gave the same answer.
He would speak to new people as well. Unfortunately he didn't always know the difference between those who had spoken previously or those who are new.
What a terrible person you are to be so cruel and call this man a cunt, the worst insult in the English language. This man has caused no harm to anyone or you would have quoted it.

ITSJLS · 11/10/2025 23:30

You’re fixating on this man and giving him too much headspace. He may be unpleasant but unfortunately there are a lot of them out there.

Are you lonely? I just briefly read your first thread but you say you just moved, do you live alone or any friends or family nearby that you can spend some time with? If not then go out try a new hobby, join some clubs, meet friendly people who don’t make you feel uncomfortable.

ITSJLS · 11/10/2025 23:32

CautiousLurker01 · 11/10/2025 23:22

She didn’t say you need psychiatric help - she asked, gently, whether you had anxiety and if so whether you were getting any help. This could be counselling, talk therapy or support from your GP. Nothing in her comment suggests you need to see a psychiatrist…

However your response seems aggressive and unpleasant. I suggest you walk away from this thread and consider that therapy.

I agree. OP your way of thinking is just not healthy and creating these threads will not help.

RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 23:35

CautiousLurker01 · 11/10/2025 23:22

She didn’t say you need psychiatric help - she asked, gently, whether you had anxiety and if so whether you were getting any help. This could be counselling, talk therapy or support from your GP. Nothing in her comment suggests you need to see a psychiatrist…

However your response seems aggressive and unpleasant. I suggest you walk away from this thread and consider that therapy.

She said "you’re not coming across as someone who is mentally stable". This isn't a 'gentle' suggestion of anxiety. It's saying I'm the crazy one here, for feeling uncomfortable about a man who is repeatedly shouting hello and ignoring the fact that I do not want any contact with him.

How is my desire for no contact with this man evidence of mental instability?

OP posts:
ITSJLS · 11/10/2025 23:41

you’re not coming across as someone who is mentally stable

I think she means this thread. Why create a second one, why keep the conversation going if you updated the first one. There’s no more conversation to be had, yet here you are. It doesn’t make sense.

RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 23:45

ITSJLS · 11/10/2025 23:30

You’re fixating on this man and giving him too much headspace. He may be unpleasant but unfortunately there are a lot of them out there.

Are you lonely? I just briefly read your first thread but you say you just moved, do you live alone or any friends or family nearby that you can spend some time with? If not then go out try a new hobby, join some clubs, meet friendly people who don’t make you feel uncomfortable.

Edited

I'm a normal person with work, friends and family, all fine. I don't need mental health advice or how to find friends or a hobby, thanks. I asked about this situation on here because it's something which women experience, - unwelcome encounters with men. I wasn't sure whether my instincts were correct and so I asked. I didn't anticipate a pile-on of women telling me I'm the baddy.

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 11/10/2025 23:46

ITSJLS · 11/10/2025 23:41

you’re not coming across as someone who is mentally stable

I think she means this thread. Why create a second one, why keep the conversation going if you updated the first one. There’s no more conversation to be had, yet here you are. It doesn’t make sense.

Due to the pile on, the first thread maxed out, so when I looked at it again, I couldn't reply to anything, and I wanted to do so. Is that so wrong?

OP posts:
Ratfur · 12/10/2025 00:05

You don't have to say hello to a strange man or smile at them when they demand you to. Keep ignoring, stare straight ahead, wear headphones, whatever you need to do.

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:10

WhyAreYouSoSpecial · 11/10/2025 23:24

My brother had Downs Syndrome, he would often stand at the gate and watch the world go by. People that knew him spoke and asked him how he was. He always gave the same answer.
He would speak to new people as well. Unfortunately he didn't always know the difference between those who had spoken previously or those who are new.
What a terrible person you are to be so cruel and call this man a cunt, the worst insult in the English language. This man has caused no harm to anyone or you would have quoted it.

You call me a terrible and cruel person. You don't know me or him. How wonderful to be sure of your righteousness.

OP posts:
Cheeky19863 · 12/10/2025 00:13

Such a non event. Use a different shop for the love of God

ilovesooty · 12/10/2025 00:23

You don't have to speak with him if you don't want to respond, but I don't see why you refer to him as a cunt and that was what was criticised. No one has said you need psychiatric help either..

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:29

Cheeky19863 · 12/10/2025 00:13

Such a non event. Use a different shop for the love of God

To avoid going past I'd have to make a 40 min round trip rather than 14 mins.

Alternatively, the man could just stop harassing me when I go past.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/10/2025 00:30

RogueFemale · 12/10/2025 00:29

To avoid going past I'd have to make a 40 min round trip rather than 14 mins.

Alternatively, the man could just stop harassing me when I go past.

Or you could ignore him.