Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH golfing… who is BU?

38 replies

Creaturefeatures1 · 10/10/2025 19:19

DH has a cousin of his visiting on Sunday. This cousin has never been particularly nice to me, as he just chats to DH the entire time and takes no interest in me or the children at all. This is despite me making a big effort to bond. Literally, I don’t even get a “how are you?” I just stand around like a spare part and the children for some reason, look forward to his infrequent visit, but then end up deflated as they are once again, basically ignored whilst DH and cousin chat for hours.

DH knew I was really not looking forward to this visit, but has come home today to tell me he is golfing on Saturday now, so he’ll be gone half the day.

I’m upset, because I feel like it was inconsiderate to organise the golf knowing that me and the kids will be having not a great day on the Sunday. DH can’t believe he is getting stick for playing one round of golf.

I don’t know if I’m just being unreasonable. I’m very tired today, so not sure if I’ll feel this way tomorrow and hoping you can help me to see if I’m the issue or DH.

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 10/10/2025 19:21

I think you are projecting your annoyance with your DH’s cousin onto your DH.

Just go out for the day on Sunday and you can leave the children with your DH and his cousin if you prefer. No need to be a martyr and stay home to entertain a guest you don’t want and don’t get on with.

Pleasealexa · 10/10/2025 19:22

Can you go somewhere else on Sunday? Leave you DH and his cousin with the DC.

Original poster
Creaturefeatures1 · 10/10/2025 19:23

Sorry to drip feed. He is coming to see us all, and specifically asked DH for a day we are all free. So I feel like I need to stay here. We see him rarely and he and DH were extremely close growing up. It feels rude to not be there, but that’s by my standards. His standards are obviously very different.

OP posts:
Original poster
Creaturefeatures1 · 10/10/2025 19:24

I just enjoy having some family time at the weekend because we are all so busy through the week. I just feel like the weekends been robbed. Maybe I’m being too sensitive.

OP posts:
Sortalike · 10/10/2025 19:24

DH rearranges an alternative date with cousin or rearranges golf.

And while he's at it, he needs to call his cousin out oh his disrespectful behaviour to you.

Original poster
Creaturefeatures1 · 10/10/2025 19:25

DH is now pretty upset with me!

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 10/10/2025 19:27

Creaturefeatures1 · 10/10/2025 19:23

Sorry to drip feed. He is coming to see us all, and specifically asked DH for a day we are all free. So I feel like I need to stay here. We see him rarely and he and DH were extremely close growing up. It feels rude to not be there, but that’s by my standards. His standards are obviously very different.

Just because the cousin has asked you all to be there, youre not at their behest. You're busy, you have plans, youre leaving them to get on with it! Whatever you say - you DONT HAVE TO STAU just because cousin was polite and said they're coming to see you all, you know they arent

Sortalike · 10/10/2025 19:31

Creaturefeatures1 · 10/10/2025 19:25

DH is now pretty upset with me!

Tough Tits.

I'd ask DH to explain to you why you should you tolerate it rudeness from his cousin.

If he comes out with nonsense like "oh that's just how he is" your reply should be "He's not like that with you so sort it or see him alone"

Livelaughlurgy · 10/10/2025 19:36

I once had a friend of dh over and we never got on. I stuck something in the oven to heat and I was referred to as the "perfect little wife" - we weren't married. It wasn't a compliment. I just said I'd forgotten I'd somewhere else to be and left.

InterestedDad37 · 10/10/2025 19:39

So is husband feckin' off to play golf, leaving you with the cousin and kids? If that's so, it's totally out of order 👍

Original poster
Creaturefeatures1 · 10/10/2025 19:43

InterestedDad37 · 10/10/2025 19:39

So is husband feckin' off to play golf, leaving you with the cousin and kids? If that's so, it's totally out of order 👍

No, sorry if I’ve made it confusing. Cousin is coming on Sunday, DH is now golfing on Saturday so will be gone half the day. I’m just upset because Sunday will be awful for me and the kids, and now he’s saying he will be gone half of Saturday.

OP posts:
Elsvieta · 10/10/2025 19:44

Change things so you DO have a great day Sunday - take the kids somewhere fun. Cousin isn't really coming to see you all - you said yourself he shows no interest in you at all. He doesn't care about you, you don't care about him. Go out.

SeaAndStars · 10/10/2025 19:47

Elsvieta · 10/10/2025 19:44

Change things so you DO have a great day Sunday - take the kids somewhere fun. Cousin isn't really coming to see you all - you said yourself he shows no interest in you at all. He doesn't care about you, you don't care about him. Go out.

This is the answer.

Zempy · 10/10/2025 19:53

I would go out to do something fun by myself or with friends on Sunday. Leave DH to wrangle the kids and his cousin.

Original poster
Creaturefeatures1 · 10/10/2025 19:54

The thing is, I don’t really have many friends. I know that’s not DH’s fault, but we relocated a couple of months ago. I’m lonely too, and I think I’m just overwhelmed.

OP posts:
mummymissessunshine · 10/10/2025 19:54

Go out on Saturday and definitely on Sunday.

Hankunamatata · 10/10/2025 19:57

Bit odd your annoyed at dh doing golf on Saturday.
Your making a big deal out of cousin visiting. Just get on with your day. Read, do hobby, play game with the kids.

Cherrysoup · 10/10/2025 20:03

I would organise a day out with the kids. Are you too far to go back to your old area to visit someone? Stop hanging round when he’s there, it’s a great opportunity for you to do something lovely with the dc.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/10/2025 20:10

I'd be annoyed. Your husband has decided what you're doing for the entire weekend-
He has decided you're looking after the kids alone on Saturday while he has fun golfing
He has decided you've got to stay and be ignored by his cousin while he has fun with him
That leaves you only a few hours for family time or for you to have some say over what you do. I don't understand how he can't see that this is a bit thoughtless at best

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/10/2025 20:12

I'd be annoyed. Your husband has decided what you're doing for the entire weekend-
He has decided you're looking after the kids alone on Saturday while he has fun golfing
He has decided you've got to stay and be ignored by his cousin while he has fun with him
That leaves you only a few hours for family time or for you to have some say over what you do. I don't understand how he can't see that this is a bit thoughtless at best

Jellybunny56 · 10/10/2025 20:14

Sunday doesn’t have to be awful for you, make your own plans!

Ponderingwindow · 10/10/2025 20:15

Did your husband ask if you were available to watch the children on Saturday while he played golf? What if you already had plans?

it’s never ok to make you spouse the default parent.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 10/10/2025 20:25

The cousin ignores you so why do you feel he is ‘coming to see you all’?

Go out, anywhere! Don’t allow someone to be in your house whilst treating you badly. Either go out or get DH to speak up. Surely if they sit around while the cousin ignores you, DH lets that happen? DH should be bringing you into the conversation. If that isn’t happening why do you think you have to put up with that?

Vote with your feet!

CreteBound · 10/10/2025 20:28

You must absolutely not tolerate this rude, entitled man. Take the kids out for the day. Do not set a bad example by being a door mat.

Zempy · 10/10/2025 20:35

Go out on your own. Go to a museum/shops/cinema/theatre. Whatever interests you.

He sounds very selfish.