AIBU to send my little one to a "rich" school?

[kisaki333]

First, please don't flame me for this, this not a rich vs poor discussion. Just looking for some perspective as I am a first time parent and didn't go to school in the uk so this is all new to me. I want to choose the best option for my DD as she is starting reception next year.

All the primary schools in our area are ok, rated good by ofsted.
The school closest to us is a small one (only 1 class per year). My little one goes to nursery there and is happy. However I noticed most of the parents seem not that affluent let's say. Even in the official statistics over 40% of the children qualify for free meals which i think means on benefits. Not an issue in itself but for example there are no school trips as the parents can't afford them. Only minimal after school or extra curriculars, again as parents can't afford them.
School itself also seems to struggle financially, they can't afford a substitute teacher if someone calls in sick, for example.
Still, I like this school as the staff seem passionate(most of the teachers are young) and nurturing. My little one is a sensitive soul so probably would do better in a small setting.

On the other hand, there's a school in a more affluent part of town. It would mean we need to drive there and the traffic and parking are bad . But their PTA pays for many things, like a few years ago they got a pool installed. Loads of extracurriculars and facilities. They are a bigger school (2 classes each year) and feels a bit impersonal. Staff didn't strike me as passionate but then i only saw them a bit during a tour so not much interaction.

My little one would essentially be ok in both. But she is ahead academically so i worry in the "poor" school she won't be challenged enough as there's no resources for that. Yes, I can pay separately for football or ballet or whatever but the logistics of doing that outside of the school seems exhausting to me.

If you could get into either, which would you pick and why? I am slightly leaning towards the "rich" school so :
YABU - pick the small poor school as it's closer and they care.
YANBU - pick the large rich school as the academics and opportunities offered are more important

Are you even in catchment for the bigger school?

We sent my kid to a small mixed catchment school. Larger than average numbers of FSM etc. Not much money for trips. It was a wonderful place. Incredibly nurturing. What it lacked in after school enrichment, it more than made up for in other ways. Caring passionate staff and a decent head are worth their weight in gold.

I would go for the smaller “poorer” school. Teachers who care counts for a lot! Also, without the school commute you would have more time/energy for extra curriculars?

I would probably do the closer school. The long commute sucks and she's have more classmates close by to play with.

Normally I would vote for sending kids to private school on these threads, but there's a lot to be said for compassionate teachers who are still passionate about children's education. A school's facilities can be brilliant, but it won't make any difference at all if your child is bullied or too miserable to enjoy or make the most of them. If the small school's teachers are as passionate as you say, they will either provide material to stretch your child academically, or they will make suggestions for work you could do outside of school. As for sports and clubs after school, try it and see how it goes. If it's too much, then stick to informal fun like playing in the park or at home after school and do an organised sport/activity on a Saturday or Sunday.

My brothers kids went to a tiny school. Around 40 kids in total, I think. Two classes for the entire school. He felt they benefited from learning to get along with everyone ( through necessity as there was no one else to play with)

Place your child at the one she’s happiest with

Our DCs go to the big, two classes per year school in the rich area. It's a 25/30 minute walk and we rarely drive even though parking is not a major issue. 7% of pupils on free school meals at this place.

Our next door neighbours sent their four DCs to the smaller quieter school but in a real rough area. It would be about a 15 minute walk but they dare not do it because they have to pass the local secondary comprehensive and it's a cesspit, while the school run traffic is like wacky races.

On educational grounds we're both happy with the choices we made. The education has little to split between them and that's the main thing. But for them - they both work - it just seems to require so much more effort. The small poor school has no breakfast or afterschool clubs, so there's a small army of parents, grandparents and so on scheduled into the logistics and wrap-around. There's no room for any give. Just like OP says, within the school itself there is no money for anything beyond the bare minimum. It has no orchestra, no extra curricular things like cross country or other sports, no trips. They acknowledge Mother's Day but not Father's Day because so many of the fathers are unknown, absent, or in prison.

Whole class birthday parties are hell because some of the kids and many of the parents have no idea how to behave in public and your eyes get assaulted by a sea of fake Gucci. The NDNs are terrified of raising issues like bullying or disruption by other pupils, because they don't like the idea of some tattooed meathead 'visiting' them at home - it happens. But saddest of all, by the time the neighbours DCs reached about Year 2 they had very few friends at school who they saw outside, because they already realised their familes are so far apart in terms of values. The NDNs only have one DC left at primary, but it was the same for all of them. If for whatever reason I thought I might be late for pick up, there are a dozen other parents I could easily call to help (although as I'm a SAHD it's usually the other way around). My neighbours genuinely don't have anyone to ask, and the issue really isn't with them.

I’d try for the bigger school. You may not have a choice anyway, depending on catchments / number of applicant’s

@InveterateWineDrinker Thank you so much, this is very helpful. In my case, the "poor" school is nowhere near that dire. But I see your point about friendships, I am getting more worried about that.

I’d go for the ‘rich’ school and probably try and move closer to get back the local community feel. Even though PPs are right that the ‘poor’ school will benefit from much more government funding through the pupil premium, if that’s being spent on a TA and resources that your child doesn’t get to access, it’s irrelevant to you.

The cohort and attitude to education of the parents at a school have a bigger influence on the environment than government funding.

In a few years, your child will be cycling to school meeting friends after school. It’s so much better and healthier to have those friends within walking distance. If you’re put off by some of the scary stories up thread go to the school at closing time and make a study of the parents see if they’re up to your standards in dress and behaviour.

2 classes per year is not big. Our local state is 4 classes per year.

Using the phrase 'rich school' in the title isn't exactly going to help frame this as 'not a rich Vs poor' discussion.