AIBU to send my little one to a "rich" school?

[kisaki333]

First, please don't flame me for this, this not a rich vs poor discussion. Just looking for some perspective as I am a first time parent and didn't go to school in the uk so this is all new to me. I want to choose the best option for my DD as she is starting reception next year.

All the primary schools in our area are ok, rated good by ofsted.
The school closest to us is a small one (only 1 class per year). My little one goes to nursery there and is happy. However I noticed most of the parents seem not that affluent let's say. Even in the official statistics over 40% of the children qualify for free meals which i think means on benefits. Not an issue in itself but for example there are no school trips as the parents can't afford them. Only minimal after school or extra curriculars, again as parents can't afford them.
School itself also seems to struggle financially, they can't afford a substitute teacher if someone calls in sick, for example.
Still, I like this school as the staff seem passionate(most of the teachers are young) and nurturing. My little one is a sensitive soul so probably would do better in a small setting.

On the other hand, there's a school in a more affluent part of town. It would mean we need to drive there and the traffic and parking are bad . But their PTA pays for many things, like a few years ago they got a pool installed. Loads of extracurriculars and facilities. They are a bigger school (2 classes each year) and feels a bit impersonal. Staff didn't strike me as passionate but then i only saw them a bit during a tour so not much interaction.

My little one would essentially be ok in both. But she is ahead academically so i worry in the "poor" school she won't be challenged enough as there's no resources for that. Yes, I can pay separately for football or ballet or whatever but the logistics of doing that outside of the school seems exhausting to me.

If you could get into either, which would you pick and why? I am slightly leaning towards the "rich" school so :
YABU - pick the small poor school as it's closer and they care.
YANBU - pick the large rich school as the academics and opportunities offered are more important

Schools get additional funding of £1.5k per FSM pupils. The school with additional FSM pupils will have more money.

I disagree with most people, for a sensitive child I think a smaller school is often easier - and caring, passionate staff are pretty much the most important factor there is IMO! It's also really nice to have the option to walk to school and all her friends are likely to live nearer.

She probably won't want to go to after school clubs when she first starts anyway but when she does the chances are that the things she'd like to do might not be offered anyway. DS went to a tiny school and they still managed to offer several clubs, Ofsted would not be impressed if they didn't!

Differentiation just requires a good teacher to put in the work, it doesn't need loads of resources. Making sure she is stretched academically will come down to individual teachers rather than how much money is available.

I’d go for the bigger school. I think money does have an impact on schools. The primary my DC goes to is in an affluent area, they get to go on trips to science museums, school discos with hired entertainers, lots of clubs, large selection of reading books to take home, no shortage of resources, good teachers, and they get a lot of money from PTA fundraising, it paid for all new IT equipment and play equipment for the playground last year. Some of the schools in other areas near here don’t get some of this.

The national average of FSM in England is just under 26%.

Go to the closer school. 15 mins drive + 15 mins walk sounds exhausting!

As for accomodating extra curriculars, you may find that many of them move to Saturday mornings for school age children. Reception is exhausting for the first term at least, so you may want to cut back for a bit anyway.

their PTA pays for many things this means the parents pay for it.

Why don't you try the 'poor' school and then you can change in the future if needs be. My daughter changed schools in P3 (Northern Ireland). I'm a primary school teacher and she originally went to my school but the travel and longer days were a lot. She now goes to a school that is 10mins walk away and all her wee friends live close by. My son goes there too and I've made friends with the mums who also live close by making playdates, barbeques, parties etc super handy. From my experience with new kids starting in my class, they settle in and transition usually quickly and easily (I teach P2).

Yes, I know. But I don't know what the situation is where OP lives. It may be very different from nationally.

@FuzzyWolfi understand that. But that's the thing, i would be willing to give some money each month for the school to benefit and indirectly my child. But if no other parents can afford similar, my contribution would be almost worthless. Now imagine 100/month from each parent. How many things could be done with that! I'm not saying that's how much parents do contribute in the "rich" school, but I get the feeling many of them could do that easily. Whereas in the poor school, no way that's an option for most parents. So it's not so much the funding the school has, it's what the parents can and do give extra.
To give you an idea, the small school had a Macmillan coffee type of fundraiser recently. They managed under £130 across the entire school. I found that really low, especially since £10 of that was from me!

Passionate staff, an easier journey and already being in the school nursery, so presumably having at least some children move up with her, would win for me. I wouldn’t overthink the extracurricular stuff, I should think you are lucky enough to be able to give your child some lovely opportunities such as zoo trips, swimming etc anyway. Mixing with children from different backgrounds is likely to benefit her in the furture.

I will go to the bigger school mainly because as time goes on, being limited to having no after school care or wrap around care would be a logistical nightmare with work. I can see why if the school is small, doing these thing might not be budget friendly if less people subscribe to it so I’ll go for the bigger school for that reason alone really but the distance is a lot

2 classes per year is a big school? Wow our local one is 4 classes per year in primary. And 6 in secondary.

We are an affluent area and our state primary is wonderful for well behaved middle class children that will easily get into grammar schools.

Awful for SEN children, it’s almost like they don’t bother as they know parents will do all the leg work to get them into a different school 😑

Why not move nearer the "rich" school? If you can't afford to then your child could find themselves the poor pupil and thats not nice.

I would send your child to the smaller school and do extra curricular activities after school or at weekends. It won't be too tiring kids have lots of energy and many do multiple after school/ weekend activities a week.

Your extra curricular argument is a bit odd. If she went to the bigger school she'd spent as much extra time travelling there as she would do travelling to extra curricular.

If you are choosing based on out of school activities I would also check the reality versus what you are told (e.g. there are loads of activities, but not enough spaces so they are only open to children in specific years to do one activity each).

Be aware that your child will get older. Having a school and friends within an area that they can get to themselves is a huge bonus. And if their friends live the wrong side of school you might be travelling 15-20 minutes beyond the school to facilitate playdates.

Maybe start out with the state school, the upgrade if needed ?

I think people would have to be very affluent to give £100 per month to a primary school. I think I'm quite generous with school fundraisers/attending stuff and we have a much higher than average income, and I doubt I average half of that. People with kids in state schools, even well off ones, do not expect to be giving that kind of cash and would be shocked to be asked.

I'm pretty amazed that any primary school raised funds for a pool and had space to install it. I guess maybe they think it's an income stream with swimming lessons.

I think it depends what you want from your childs school. If you want a good education in the core curriculum and her to be educated in her community, then pick the local school. You don't need resources to stretch bright children - just good teaching. If you're looking for bells and whistles and can spend an hour a day on the school run, go to the other one.

I wouldn't place so much importance on extra curricular activities provided by the school. The school my children go to have lots of after school clubs but they don't have enough space for everyone and most of them aren't of interest to my children so they don't do them. The only thing that would draw me towards the other school is that it is 2 form so more choice of friends/movement between classes but other than that the smaller school sounds great.

We sent our oldest to a small church school in the city as we liked the pastoral feel, but many poor and immigrant kids. My son found it really hard to make friends, sent him to the other school by the end of year one and he fell into a group of four lovely boys all from very similar backgrounds, he’s so much happier now, and they hope to go to secondary together. I’d look for one that attracts families like yours first then if they are similar probably the two form entry.

I don't think extra curriculars are that important but it depends on your working arrangements. I work from home and finish early 2 days a week so I have my daughter's extra curricular outside school on those days. On other days we still pick her up at school finishing time and she'll do her homework or read quietly for a bit until we finish and we do an activity later.

PP were right to say sometimes the standard of extra curriculars isn't very high and variety may be very limited if they don't bring external providers in.

My daughter's school do piano and drama at school and we much prefer external teachers as the standard is so much higher and not that much more expensive for an individual lesson versus group lessons in school.

One form schools can be wonderful if your child makes good friends, but if the dynamics in the class don’t work, your child will be stuck with the same people for 7 years with no possibility of things being mixed up. I don’t think it’s a huge factor but it’s worth bearing in mind. I also think going to a nearby school can be lovely - walking to school is so much more relaxing than a school run and she will be able to get herself there and back in year 5/6.

All the children in primary school get free school meals here, regardless of income (Wales and I believe Scotland too). I’d go the ‘poorer’ one as care is more important in primary and you can do your own extra-curriculars.

@MonGrainDeSelthe "poor" school has close to 40%FSM. The "rich" one is under 15%. Not sure about local average but England average is 25%. I assume local avrage is under the national average as it's generally an affluent area

You need to go with your feel for the school, have you visited the 'rich' school yourself or going on word of mouth?

Also do they offer these extra curriculars to all year groups as you seem to think this is a big selling point? My kids school do clubs after school but they are restricted to certain ages. So while there is something every night, there may only be one option for year 6. Additionally they don't run any clubs for reception children until the summer term where again there is one option. The club's also only take a certain number, so in a large school there is potential that your child wouldn't always get a place.

You sound a bit judgemental of the smaller school. Maybe you could help set up a PTA to help fund things. These don't happen by magic. Again my kids school didn't have a PTA for a few years as no one volunteered. Someone did they take it on and they have managed to get several parents on board, but even in the rich school there is still the potential of it falling flat if parents become too busy.

The other sticking point for me would be the drive and parking. That's 30 mins every morning and evening! If there are roadworks or any incidents then this could take longer. If I was driving to school then I would be wanting to choose a school where there is a drop off point or car park nearby, rather than still have to walk an additional 15 mins (which in the rain will not be fun).