AIBU: to not let DS16 to go out with friends overnight

[SassyBear2]

My DS16 wants to go with two of his friends and some girls to oxford for halloween. I asked him what hell be doing there and he said he has no plans yet but they'll try to get into some club or some house party. He said he doesn't know what time hell be back but be plans on returning by train and it will be quite late. AIBU to not let him do this? I'm not stupid and I know that a group of 16 year olds will be drinking given the chance but why is he trying to go oxford without any specific plans yet?

How far is Oxford from you?

Is he generally quite well behaved / in with a good crowd?

My guess is he's got wind of a big house party.

Erm no.

Would be a big fat no from me.

This is pretty normal for teenagers of that age. Is he year 11 or the one above? I wouldn't be delighted if my DS was doing this and would want to know actual plans and contingency plans but assuming it's the nearest town to me I'd let mine go with a bunch of friends.

Nope. At 16 its house parties of known people and collected by parents.

He's in sixth form at the moment

No. Of course it's no.

He probably knows exactly what he’ll be doing but doesn’t want to tell you.

As for letting him go. I think for me it would depend on how sensible he usually is, his friends are, and how far away Oxford is from you.

At 16, he could leave home altogether. I’m not sure how you could reasonably prevent him from doing this.

It really depends on where you live. Carlisle would be different from Wantage.

Thanks for the reply. We live an hour away by drive from oxford so not too far

Can you actually say no to a 16 year old. 16 year olds have jobs go on holidays with friends move out I wouldn't be keen but I don't think you can actually stop him

Not sure you can actually stop him unfortunately

Definitely let him go, you've an opportunity to speak to him about safe choices and have him feel he can call you if there's a problem. I always told my mum where I was and what I was up to, and although I never needed it if I felt unsafe I would have called her and told her I messed up. Doesn't mean she just let me run out the door, she'd talk about how to stay safe while having fun. My best friend wasn't allowed to do anything so she lied to her mum, snuck out and was generally a bit crazier because she was rebelling.

He absolutely won’t be getting into a club unless he has fake ID, and even then club security are very hot on that kind of thing nowadays. DD once got refused entry with her actual driving license because they didn’t believe it was her! My guess is he’s heard of a house party through the grapevine. At 16 mine went to parties of school friends and people they knew, not somewhere an hour away.

Oxford clubs are really hot on ID because there are so many students & sixth forms - he could have a very disappointing night out!

I think 16 is normal to begin going pubbing/clubbing locall6, tbh I’m shocked that most of the responses differ

Not sure you can technically stop him.

If he’s going back by train then I’d let him but be sure he knows all the timetable etc. but I’m confused - is this a late night or overnight as in staying out all night not sleeping? it’s not exactly a dangerous place. I also wouldn’t drink myself that night Incase I had to go an rescue him.
i wouldn’t want him to miss out on this adventure if he has a decent group of friends who will look after each other. They might need to live and learn about not getting in anywhere. Chances are they’ll go to a restaurant and have pizza and wine, not get in anywhere, run around in their costumes and then get the train back.

Have you seen that episode of the Inbetweeners where they have their night out in London and someone has to buy shoes from a homeless man to get into the club? Hilarious - please watch it with him before you go you will really bond

Looking back, I think I just used to tell my parents what I was doing at 16/17 I remember being at college and going to a lot of gigs in Bristol by train and that was pretty far away from where I lived at the time. That was a long time ago now and I think we maybe grew up quicker back then? I have some friends with teenagers and they seem very young now. Which I don’t think is a bad thing. It’s nice that they don’t need to grow up so fast.

I agree it is nice that 16 year olds don’t have to grow up so fast these days. When I was that age I was having to work full time (not at school or college), and I left home by 17. It didn’t feel good. I look back and feel sad for my teenage self.

I wouldn't like it but i dont think you can stop him. All you can do is give him a safety speech and tell him to contact you no matter the time if he needs help.

Where I am you’ve got no chance of getting in anywhere. No pub or club wants to risk losing their licence. I’ve seen many youths turned away, either with fake ID or just because it didn’t look real enough to the security. I’ve been in pubs when mine were underage (drinking soft drinks) and by 8.30/9 they were being asked to leave.

None of mine would be allowed to do this at 16. House parties at someone's house where I'm picking them up, yes.

As others have said it's not like back in the day, pubs and clubs always check ID now so they won't get in anywhere.