Keeping the peace with noisy flat upstairs

[BoldDenimStork]

I want to speak to my neighbours very reasonably upstairs about buying then a couple of large rugs with underlay to reduce the noise of their toddler running around. I am very keen to maintain a positive relationship as i also recognise its nothing theyre doing wrong, and I'msure they will have other priorities that aren't centred around their neighbours getting peace and quiet. I have been trying to speak with them but they're not opening the door when I go upstairs.

So I was thinking of putting a friendly note through their door, saying this:

“Hi!

This is xxxx from downstairs. We’ve tried to pop by a couple of times but haven’t managed to catch you!

Since moving in last month, we’ve noticed the sound insulation in the building isn’t great, and we can often hear your little one running around (which of course is totally normal for a toddler!). We were wondering if you’d be happy for us to buy a couple of nice rugs with underlay for you — just to help reduce the thudding a bit from our side.

We'd love to have a friendly chat about it — I’ll be in all weekend if you fancy popping down for a friendly cuppa. Otherwise, feel free to text or call me on xxxx

Thanks so much for your understanding, and we look forward to catching up soon!
All the best,
Xxxx

I don’t want to come across as passive-aggressive or intrusive — I genuinely think it’s the insulation rather than anything they’re doing wrong, and I’d like to keep a positive relationship. Just want to sensecheck with this group that this is reasonable before I go ahead?

I think if you're sensitive to noise, living in a flat beneath someone is a mistake. There is always going to be some degree of noise - and generally speaking you get used to it.

I had a downstairs neighbour who was endlessly on at us for noise crimes like walking around ‘heavy footed’, having never had any complaints before. It made everything very awkward.

Telling them you’re going to help them buy some rugs also sounds pretty passive aggressive to me tbh.

It’s a nice idea but I’d be careful about offering to buy rugs, they might have expensive tastes!

I think asking to meet for a coffee to chat about the issue is a good idea particularly if you phrase it broadly as you have. It sounds friendly.

We had issues with noise from some neighbours and after we’d addressed it, again in very pleasant terms, they made massive efforts to reduce the noise and we became quite friendly.

Reasonable to want to have a word with them to see if there's anything they are willing to do to migrate the noise.
Totally unreasonable to expect them to put down rugs provided by you. Their decor is their choice.

Hi,

Thanks for that!

I can live with the footsteps, it's just the thudding from the running round which I find difficult.

We are going to try get some soundproofing from our end too.

I think our aim is just to try and muffle it a bit more really.

Hi,

Sorry i should be clearer, im willing to pay for their rugs, so let them choose completely! I just don't want to make an assumption about what their financial situation is!

You sound very kind, I will say.

I understand that. It's still unreasonable. I would not want a neighbour buying me stuff for my house, even if I could choose the stuff.

Not to be discouraging but if I got a note like that slipped under my door, I just wouldn't bother replying. And I certainly wouldn't be meeting to discuss it.

Thank you! This means a lot to me - it's how I carry myself so I am glad that is coming across..

Ahh okay, so would you suggest not to mention that unless they ask me for some financial help?

Well you're not selfish at all are you!
im glad you're not my neighbour

Do NOT do this.

You don't know whether they have wooden floors or thin carpets.

You've been there a month, which is likely to make them guarded and wonder if you're 'that' neighbour or if you have a legitimate complaint.

They could be VERY insulted and think you've assumed they have wooden floors because they can't afford rugs.

How do you know how expensive their taste in rugs is?

Just ask them if they have wooden/laminate floors or not and take it from there.

I think the tone of your note strikes a really nice balance. I’m sure no one could take offense at receiving such a note. I also think your rug offer is really kind.

not sure if you rent or own but if its the latter I guess you could consider proper sound proofing in the ceiling cavity, we did that in an old flat.

Yep makes sense, I think ill try have the conversation in passing and keep it open ended!

Even if I was really skint I would find strangers offering to buy me rugs unbearably awkward and I wouldn't accept.

Yeah we are looking into this too.

I wonder if I could approach them saying we are looking into sound proofing and that could be the start of the conversation actually.

If you found out unintentional noise from your place was disturbing your neighbour you wouldn’t care?

@BoldDenimStork

You sound like a very considerate neighbour.

I would amend your note slightly:

Do not offer to pay for rugs or anything else
Do not suggest a meeting

Just mention that you are experiencing some noise disturbance and if at all possible would they be more mindful.

Some of the replies on this thread here show the level of entitlement parents have. I am a parent before anyone comes for me.

If a neighbour notified me that I was disturbing them I would not ignore it @Hont1986 nor would I refuse to engage. That to me is a very weird and passive aggressive way to deal with things.

OP - stick to facts, keep the note short and direct and neutral - just inform them that you are being disturbed and you haven't been able to catch them face to face to discuss further so you are sending a note. If they want to discuss further they should feel free to contact you.

Interesting that you jump to ‘parents are so entitled’ when there’s not a single comment about the presence of children other than from the OP.

Tough one. Our new neighbours upstairs are much louder than the previous ones (who were here 10 years). Not sure how much underneath us can hear… Our child is very high energy!

I do think that this is part and parcel of living in a flat to be honest. Though I have had really noisy neighbours too Op so I do sympathise. Good luck!

I think your note is nice and you sound kind.
I think you should post it. I wouldn’t be offended receiving a note like that.

@MidnightPatrol

It is the toddler running around that is making the noise - why would I not mention parenting?

Do you think it is the mum and dad running around?

I am so confused by your post.

My entitled comment was about PP who said she would ignore the note and not engage. FYI.

I think you are attacking me for nothing - perhaps re-read my posts?

So the parents are entitled because their child is running around in their own home?

Shocking stuff.

But that's you isn't it?

To the upstairs neighbour, the OP could come across as Lady Bountiful who's assumed they're too poor to carpet their flat.

They could be mortified and very insulted.

And the OP has no idea whether they have carpet or not anyway.