Keeping the peace with noisy flat upstairs

[BoldDenimStork]

I want to speak to my neighbours very reasonably upstairs about buying then a couple of large rugs with underlay to reduce the noise of their toddler running around. I am very keen to maintain a positive relationship as i also recognise its nothing theyre doing wrong, and I'msure they will have other priorities that aren't centred around their neighbours getting peace and quiet. I have been trying to speak with them but they're not opening the door when I go upstairs.

So I was thinking of putting a friendly note through their door, saying this:

“Hi!

This is xxxx from downstairs. We’ve tried to pop by a couple of times but haven’t managed to catch you!

Since moving in last month, we’ve noticed the sound insulation in the building isn’t great, and we can often hear your little one running around (which of course is totally normal for a toddler!). We were wondering if you’d be happy for us to buy a couple of nice rugs with underlay for you — just to help reduce the thudding a bit from our side.

We'd love to have a friendly chat about it — I’ll be in all weekend if you fancy popping down for a friendly cuppa. Otherwise, feel free to text or call me on xxxx

Thanks so much for your understanding, and we look forward to catching up soon!
All the best,
Xxxx

I don’t want to come across as passive-aggressive or intrusive — I genuinely think it’s the insulation rather than anything they’re doing wrong, and I’d like to keep a positive relationship. Just want to sensecheck with this group that this is reasonable before I go ahead?

Thanks, yeah I do take what you've said into consideration. I won't make assumptions about flooring but instead say it is the building and explain some of the things we are going to do to sound.proof it too

No - I was addressing the poster who said that after receiving a note from a neighbour saying she was being disturbed she would ignore and not engage.

Please read my posts fully.

OP personally I’d find a note passive aggressive, I’d try to catch them for a chat in passing and mention the noise that way. It’s so hard to know really as you might be particularly sensitive to noise or the upstairs apartment might be extra noisy so impossible on these threads to say what’s right. I hope things sort themselves out OP

Thanks, this is helpful! I'm getting note might not be the best way to go about it, but hopefully just chatting with them about the situation in a friendly way is acceptable?

Thanks for the feedback, I just wanted to clarify 2 reasons why I put forward offering to buy rugs.

Mainly, it's because its my problem, not theirs, so why should they have to pay for it?

Secondly and as I said before, I know nothing about their financial situation, but I do know that in the last few years so many people feel worse off, especially those with young families, and the last thing I would want would be to add an additional financial pressure onto them.

This is the reason I posted on here, to get feedback on my approach, so I think its useful to see how something i perceive is kind and reasonable could be perceived in a way I wouldn't intend it to. So thanks!

@BoldDenimStork

You seem such a nice and considerate neighbour.

I hope it all gets resolved.

Somehow this seems easier if they had just moved in. I’d tread carefully. I understand you are trying to be kind but you are also asking a settled in family to change their way of living. They might like hardwood floors and detest hoovering carpets/rugs etc. They might have a pet that is easier to clean up after with hard floors.

I would be so insulted if my neighbour offered to buy me some "nice rugs with underlay" assuming that they thought I was too poor to buy my own too thick to realise living in a shared space like a block of flats can result in noise and had bad taste in flooring

Think you need to be really careful with this one

OP, I had and still have the same noise issues as you. Child rolling/throwing stuff along wooden floors, stomping footsteps, the father chasing the kid around which makes my ceiling vibrate. Then there's his howling injured-animal sounds from their bedroom!
Anyway, I too wrote a polite letter, she came down to say they were planning on getting rugs etc....6+ years on, no change.
Best of luck.

I wouldn’t send that note, as it sounds quite passive aggressive to me, especially as you are tying yourself up in knots trying so hard to come across as a nice person and ever so “understanding” (the bit about it being totally normal with a toddler).

Just persevere with trying to speak to them face to face. There must be times when you can hear them about to go out or can see them come in. Face to face is much better than a note like that.

I think the note sounds perfectly reasonable and I personally would not be offended by it. I wouldn’t want to be causing nuisance noise to my neighbours. They should have a suitable floor covering if they are in a flat, many leases specify that. Just make sure they don’t bill you for v expensive rugs

I agree

But why not? Is it not a kindly worded note, a reasonable request and generous offer? I don’t get why you wouldn’t like it ?

If you can speak face to face that would probably be ideal but not always easy to catch people

Personally I would avoid notes because it almost always comes over passive aggressive. Having lived below an overcrowded 1 bed flat with three small children crashing about until gone 10pm, I had that conversation in person. They had carpets and were completely unaware how much noise was coming through the ceiling. It was a very uncomfortable conversation but they were very reasonable and admitted the children just didn’t listen to them. I just accepted it in the end because I still could have had far worse neighbours.

Flats are a nightmare it’s not your fault but it’s not theirs either. I think any sort of note is not a good idea no matter how nice you try to come across, fundamentally you are intruding into their life.

If you knock when you know they’re in and they don’t answer a note isn’t going to change anything unfortunately.

I’d probably keep trying to catch them in person.

Do they rent or own? Check your own deeds, flats often have clauses about not having hard flooring. Maybe they’re waiting on new carpets.