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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be good at anything?

39 replies

NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:29

Nc for this thread

I feel like I’m just useless at everything.
I can’t drive, I’m learning to drive (automatic) so should be so easy. I can drive but I feel like common knowledge and common sense is just non existent. For example when I’m driving and I need to pull in for example if it’s somebodies right of way, 80% of the time unless I’ve been told I have to do it, I won’t. It’s just not logging in my brain, I’ve been learning to drive since August so apparently I should be doing it now natural I should just know. I reversed onto my drive earlier and scuffed all of my partners car cos I still do not know how to reverse properly cos it just isn’t lodging into my fucking brain.
My partner is teaching me he’s a driving instructor.

not just that, I feel like I’m absolutely useless at everything.
Literally. Everything I do is either wrong or not good enough.
I just feel so fucking useless and down

OP posts:
OneRealOchreHiker · 09/10/2025 19:31

I’d start by changing the driving instructor…

VeneziaJ · 09/10/2025 19:32

Are you ND by any chance? Its not unusual to feel that way if you are struggling with a world set up by and for NT people

Treeleaf11 · 09/10/2025 19:33

Of course you are not useless. Driving since August isn't a long time it's still very early days. Is your DH telling you that it should be natural to you now? He doesn't sound like a very supportive driving instructor.

ComfortFoodCafe · 09/10/2025 19:33

Agree with the other poster, the driving instructor isnt for you. You need a instructor you feel comfortable with, know hes your partner but thats probably putting you on edge.
I went through two instuctors till I found one I was happy with and low & behold within a few months of driving with the third I had passed my test!

Original poster
NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:34

Treeleaf11 · 09/10/2025 19:33

Of course you are not useless. Driving since August isn't a long time it's still very early days. Is your DH telling you that it should be natural to you now? He doesn't sound like a very supportive driving instructor.

Yes, he’s telling me now I should be doing things that should come natural to me now and he can’t teach dumb. I’m a slow learner and I can’t help it

OP posts:
Itstheshowgirl · 09/10/2025 19:34

OP it took me years to learn to drive, pass the test and get confident with it all. I was awful, people learn at different rates. Get another instructor.

ComfortFoodCafe · 09/10/2025 19:35

NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:34

Yes, he’s telling me now I should be doing things that should come natural to me now and he can’t teach dumb. I’m a slow learner and I can’t help it

Show quote history

Dont do anymore lessons with him. What a prick.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 09/10/2025 19:35

Girl if it helps, ive been driving for years and it took forever to parallel park today

Like I was almost crying 😅

Just do what you can do. No-one is perfect xx

Original poster
NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:36

VeneziaJ · 09/10/2025 19:32

Are you ND by any chance? Its not unusual to feel that way if you are struggling with a world set up by and for NT people

I have queried this before. I just take things in slow and my reactions are slow and aren’t very quick which is also causing a problem

OP posts:
ItsAMoooPoint · 09/10/2025 19:38

You sound exactly like me. You're definitely not alone! In my case it's because of ADHD and poor executive function.

Please be kind to yourself - learning to drive is incredibly stressful when you're older as you have so many more anxieties to deal with than if you were 18.

Original poster
NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:39

I can’t reply to everyone individually I get overwhelmed but no matter how much I watch him do stuff and when he says ‘watch me this is how you do it’ I watch and watch and watch and then when it comes to me , I just don’t get it it’s like I’ve been on another planet. I know the basics but the rules of the road , lanes etc confuse me soooooo much and cos I keep having to ask what lane what’s the speed limit etc , all that should come natural but it really doesn’t 😩 not yet anyway

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 09/10/2025 19:40

You’ve been driving a matter of weeks. Your H sounds like a total prick. Does he have a redeeming feature at all?

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 09/10/2025 19:41

You’ve hardly started learning to drive!! Give yourself a bit of leeway here. Your DO is a dick.

Original poster
NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:42

ItsAMoooPoint · 09/10/2025 19:38

You sound exactly like me. You're definitely not alone! In my case it's because of ADHD and poor executive function.

Please be kind to yourself - learning to drive is incredibly stressful when you're older as you have so many more anxieties to deal with than if you were 18.

I’ve thought I’ve had adhd for years and years now, or something along the lines. How would I get tested for it cos if it is then maybe I can do something to control it cos it’s ruining stuff. This isn’t the first thing either.
I get told to do something or asked should I say, oh phone the drs or order tbis etc . 5 minutes later I’ve either forgotten or have a niggly thought that I have to do something I just don’t know what 😩

OP posts:
AwkwardPaws27 · 09/10/2025 19:44

ComfortFoodCafe · 09/10/2025 19:35

Dont do anymore lessons with him. What a prick.

Show quote history

^ this.
It took me 8 months of weekly lessons before I took my test, we all learn at different places (& I have a First class degree so I'm not dumb but driving was hard to learn for me!).
Then I would say it took almost a year of regular driving after passing to really feel natural & to feel like I just knew what to do at most junctions etc rather than consciously considering the situation and deciding.
(I am ND though which may explain my slow pace of learning!).

arcticpandas · 09/10/2025 19:44

I got my licence when I was 18. Haven't driven since I was 25- so 20 years- because I get panic attacks and I'm just not safe for anyone on the road. Luckily DH drives and we live in an urban setting so plenty of transports. I don't feel bad about not being able to drive (I could if you just took away all the aggressive drivers on the roads😅)

Treeleaf11 · 09/10/2025 19:47

NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:34

Yes, he’s telling me now I should be doing things that should come natural to me now and he can’t teach dumb. I’m a slow learner and I can’t help it

Show quote history

He sounds awful. Does he normally speak like this to you?

Original poster
NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:49

AwkwardPaws27 · 09/10/2025 19:44

^ this.
It took me 8 months of weekly lessons before I took my test, we all learn at different places (& I have a First class degree so I'm not dumb but driving was hard to learn for me!).
Then I would say it took almost a year of regular driving after passing to really feel natural & to feel like I just knew what to do at most junctions etc rather than consciously considering the situation and deciding.
(I am ND though which may explain my slow pace of learning!).

Show quote history

I think I might be this.
Im slow at learning and things don’t stay in my brain like there meant to. I can’t pass my theory either cos I can’t even concentrate on the bloody thing

OP posts:
SEmyarse · 09/10/2025 19:51

Your partner is teaching you to do the thing that he's presumably pretty skilled at, and giving you a hard time because it's not coming easily? Well he's a twat. But also you're too close to effectively be taught by him. Find an instructor that you don't know and go from there. And you might still find you're not a natural, but that's fine, either you'll get it or you won't. I'm sure you wouldn't give someone a hard time for not being able to do something.

In the meantime, think of all the stuff you're pretty decent at. There will be things, and yes, it does include things like having good values etc. If you can tick that box, it's way better than driving.

WatchingTheDetective · 09/10/2025 19:52

I think you should take the pressure off yourself and not bother learning to drive. Life would be so much easier and safer for you.

Your partner is an absolutely rubbish driving instructor! If you had to write a list of all the ways in which someone could be a bad instructor, you'd come up with a list that described him.

whattheysay · 09/10/2025 19:53

He said he can’t teach dumb?! The place to start is with a new instructor. You will learn to drive once your mind is relaxed not when someone is telling what you should be doing by now and how dumb you are.
one of my daughters took lessons for about 18 months and passed test 4th time, she can drive just fine now, she had a lovely patient instructor who worked with her

TimeForTeaAndG · 09/10/2025 19:54

Just joining the chorus of he is a prick. I really hope he doesn't speak like that to any of his other students cos he is talking absolute shite. Of course you don't know the rules of the road and lane discipline etc yet! Learners take ages for it all to feel natural.

Is he generally an unsupportive partner?

Original poster
NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:55

I’ve just relayed a lot of this to him and said I’m pretty sure I have some sort of information processing thing in my brain and he’s saying it’s just a excuse and I need to pay attention more. If only he’d get it.

I say I’m not like him, we’re different people, he got in a car had 4 lessons passed both tests straight away. I’m slow, I always have been slow and it takes me a while to process information, when he gives me an instruction I can’t take it in or listen until he’s said it for the 3rd or 4th time , it’s only then it gets lodged into my brain that I’m being given an instruction what is this ?

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 09/10/2025 19:56

NoGood4Ever · 09/10/2025 19:34

Yes, he’s telling me now I should be doing things that should come natural to me now and he can’t teach dumb. I’m a slow learner and I can’t help it

Show quote history

After your OP I was gong to suggest ditching him as your driving instructor and getting someone else.

After this comment, I suggest ditching him as your partner.

He is clearly not a good teacher if he can't cope with people with different abilities and is clearly not a partner I'd want if he speaks to you like that.

TimeForTeaAndG · 09/10/2025 19:58

he got in a car had 4 lessons passed both tests straight away.

Did he, aye? What a prodigy. Still a prick.

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