To not be good at anything?

[NoGood4Ever]

Nc for this thread

I feel like I’m just useless at everything.
I can’t drive, I’m learning to drive (automatic) so should be so easy. I can drive but I feel like common knowledge and common sense is just non existent. For example when I’m driving and I need to pull in for example if it’s somebodies right of way, 80% of the time unless I’ve been told I have to do it, I won’t. It’s just not logging in my brain, I’ve been learning to drive since August so apparently I should be doing it now natural I should just know. I reversed onto my drive earlier and scuffed all of my partners car cos I still do not know how to reverse properly cos it just isn’t lodging into my fucking brain.
My partner is teaching me he’s a driving instructor.

not just that, I feel like I’m absolutely useless at everything.
Literally. Everything I do is either wrong or not good enough.
I just feel so fucking useless and down

He said he “can’t teach dumb” at you? It’s been two months of lessons with what sounds like a deeply unpleasant instructor and equally unpleasant partner. Get rid of him, he’s already done a number on your self esteem, don’t let him do more damage.

Op, be patient...it took me 4 years of lessons and then 4 driving tests before I could drive...🤩 Also, your instructor sounds horrible!

I’ve told him everyone learns at different paces and stuff and not everyone is a quick learner. But apparently it should all come natural now. I mean I can drive that’s fine but some roads I’ve never driven before I get so nervous on and he’s like right I’m not gonna say anything now your on your own. And then cos he’s said that I don’t ask so I mess up and then he has a go at me for messing up 😭 why can’t I just get it.

ive told him I just want to go with an instructor and apparently if I go with an instructor he will sell my car cos then there will be no point in having it no more if I’m not learning in it 😔

If your partner is saying things like 'you can't teach dumb' then he's an arsehole and you should dump him.

It took me over a year and probably around 50 driving lessons to get to a point where I could take my driving test. I have four degrees, a professional career and a published book so it's absolutely not that I'm stupid. But driving didn't come easily to me and it took a lot of time and patience to get me to competency.

I am neurodivergent (ADHD); neurodivergence can show up in a lot of different ways, and uneven processing speeds when it comes to different activities is one of them.

Add ‘yet’ OP - to every thought you have that’s in any way negative.

I wish we could reach out and give you a hug, it sounds like that’s what you need right now. Beyond that, there are two important things to consider. First, find a new partner. The one you’re with is making you feel miserable, and that kind of negativity will only get worse over time. Second, find a new instructor.

ND or not, learning to drive takes time and patience. As a young woman, I never wanted to learn to drive, I was terrified and convinced I’d never be able to do it. I finally decided to get my license when I was pregnant with my second child (I was 30yo). For months, I was scared every time I parked, drove down a narrow street, or saw cars coming from the opposite direction. Strangely enough, my (now ex) husband taught me. Back then, we were young, and he was patient. I ended up passing my test on the first try and eventually grew to love driving.

I’m sure that, in time, you’ll overcome your fears and learn to trust yourself. The key is to surround yourself with people who help you build confidence, not tear it down.

Wishing you all the best, and sending you a big hug.

If it came naturally to everyone there would be no need for driving instructors or driving tests would there? The whole reason his job exists is because it is a difficult skill to pick up for most people.

OK, well, it’s not a mystery why your self-esteem is so poor. Get a new driving instructor who doesn’t keep telling you you’re useless.

It was the beginning of the end with my ex, many years ago, when he tried to teach me to drive. He'd been an accomplished and fearless driver for ever; he couldn't understand how a grown woman could find it difficult or scary to do certain things in the car; he couldn't IMAGINE himself into my position. It was a total failure of emotional intelligence. He wasn't as utterly swinish as your man but he was impatient and condescending. Whether or not you let him continue to be your partner, please get a neutral instructor who is utterly unrelated to you!

He sounds like a terrible driving instructor! I’m a teacher and when I trained they drummed it into us that we were choosing to teach because we liked learning and found it easy, but we had to remember most of our students weren’t like us! If everyone found stuff easy I (and he) would be out of a job so it’s pretty daft to put a very arbitrary time limit on how long it takes someone to learn something. Driving is hard and it’s complicated - and high-stakes because you can cause a lot of damage, so it’s natural to feel way more stressed than you would learning to knit or something like that. Imagine learning an instrument and the tutor you pay for telling you you’re stupid and too slow to learn! You’d give up! I learnt to drive late and my instructor was so patient even when I did the dumbest stuff. She’d wait a second and then say “ok, what will you do differently next time?“ in the calmest voice ever.

It’s a wonder he has any clients if he speaks to people like that because I can guarantee that he will have had people who take a while to learn. Does he have a high client drop out rate? He sounds a prick. I’d dump him.

ive told him I just want to go with an instructor and apparently if I go with an instructor he will sell my car cos then there will be no point in having it no more if I’m not learning in it

Please read this again.
He is trying to control you.
It isn't up to him to decide to sell your car.
This is emotional abuse.
As is telling you you are dumb.

He is clearly a really, really incapable teacher is he lacks the emotional intelligence to understand people learn in different ways and at different speeds (and that 2 months is still very early days for most new learners), but that really is the least of the problem with what you are posting.

Please do not spend your life with a man why a) tries to run you down and b) thinks he can dictate what you can or can't do.

Never let a loved one teach you to drive. Get lessons from another instructor. And please make a list of everything you have achieved in life so far. You learned to walk, talk, write, didn't you? Did you pass any exams? Ever had a job? Can you swim or ride a bike? Cook dinner?
Like a PP I wonder if you are neurodiverse. I am. ADHD means my processing is slow... I can't drive. I have almost no skills at all. But I am very good at just one thing, which has become my source of income, and I've become a great mum, good wife, good cook by sheer will.

Ah I know the feeling with driving.

I tried when I was 17, loads of lesson but didn’t get anywhere with it. I started re-learning again in my 30s, this time an automatic-it took me 18 months of weekly lessons (and a lot of driving in my own car in my spare time with my DH and DPs) to get to the point of being able to my test. I failed due to nerves but have another booked, at which point it will be 2 years since I started re-learning!

I’m not going to give up but it is hard seeing lots of family members who are nearly half my age doing 6 months of lessons in a manual, no extra practice and passing straightaway. I have a lot of ND traits so I do wonder if that’s a factor.

But yeah, don’t give up is my advice. I find narrating the drive really helps, especially with things you describe like pulling in for a car with right of way.