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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Talk me down.

43 replies

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 18:48

I’m a worrier. Tonight is a particularly bad night. DH and DS1 have gone to a concert about an hour from home. I’m worrying.
DS2 (18) is going for a “drive about” with a friend in his car. DS2 knows I’m a paranoid freak and knows not to tell me these things but his best mate who lives with us has just cheerfully told me about it. It’s gonna be a long night!! My mind is going to places I don’t want it to go to! 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 18:49

My anxiety is in overdrive

OP posts:
Wedontdeservedogs · 09/10/2025 18:51

Is there any particular reason for being so anxious?
I've been there, intrusive thoughts are so difficult to rationalise.
Do you have a close friend or relative to talk it through with?Flowers

MidlandsGal1 · 09/10/2025 18:51

Go to your GP and get help for your anxiety. Your family shouldn’t have to step on eggshells and not have a life to avoid causing you anxiety.

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 18:53

This is more than worrying - worrying is mild, this sounds like full blown anxiety and over-thinking, both of which are very destructive traits and so detrimental to your mental health. Are you getting help with this at all as it must be hell?

Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 18:55

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 18:53

This is more than worrying - worrying is mild, this sounds like full blown anxiety and over-thinking, both of which are very destructive traits and so detrimental to your mental health. Are you getting help with this at all as it must be hell?

I’ve tried. I went to the GP and they suggested CBT but when I went for it I wasn’t feeling anxious at the time. The anxiety is solely based around my sons.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 18:56

MidlandsGal1 · 09/10/2025 18:51

Go to your GP and get help for your anxiety. Your family shouldn’t have to step on eggshells and not have a life to avoid causing you anxiety.

I try not to let it affect them as I know it’s not fair but I don’t always manage it ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 18:57

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 18:53

This is more than worrying - worrying is mild, this sounds like full blown anxiety and over-thinking, both of which are very destructive traits and so detrimental to your mental health. Are you getting help with this at all as it must be hell?

It is absolute hell. I’m much better now than I was when they were little. It just rears its ugly head when I feel like things are dangerous and out of my control.

OP posts:
Alittlefrustrated · 09/10/2025 19:00

So did you complete the CBT OP? Did you learn techniques to help deal with episodes of anxiety, that you could try now?

Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:08

Alittlefrustrated · 09/10/2025 19:00

So did you complete the CBT OP? Did you learn techniques to help deal with episodes of anxiety, that you could try now?

No. She said for it to work I needed to be feeling anxious. And I’m not like that all the time. It’s just when my mind perceives they’re in danger. No one who knows me IRL would suspect I’m like this. I’m very laid back normally.

OP posts:
Pollqueen · 09/10/2025 19:08

You really need to address this. If your DC are young adults there are going to be many occassions that they are out and about and surely they will be leaving home in the near future?

Your anxiety is unreasonable but I appreciate it's real to you but you need to learn how to control it

Leopardwallop · 09/10/2025 19:09

It’s a really difficult time for parenting so I can just reassure you with a few points I reassure myself with as a parent of a few teenagers. Firstly. They REALLY like their cars , and driving, and don’t want to be stopped by police, or have their insurance hiked or their cars damaged. Most have black boxes anyway these days , but in any case there are plenty of police about to check on drivers.
As for the concert, your child is with their dad , who is just as invested in keeping them safe as you are. Concert venues have such stringent security and safety policies these days. They are all just a phone call away.

JetFlight · 09/10/2025 19:10

You need ways to manage your anxiety.
Read up on it as knowing what’s going on for you can help you feel more empowered. Go to reputable sites like MIND, nhs and Psychology Today.
There are lots of ways to manage anxiety and panic attacks including breathing exercises, mindfulness, distractions, grounding techniques, self talk, talking to someone.
Then generally, things like diet and regular exercise helps.
Go back to your GP and get referred for counselling.

Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:10

MidlandsGal1 · 09/10/2025 18:51

Go to your GP and get help for your anxiety. Your family shouldn’t have to step on eggshells and not have a life to avoid causing you anxiety.

They do go about their lives as normal. They just think I’m mad. The youngest is very empathetic and doesn’t tell me about things if he thinks it’ll worry me. He’s the one that labelled me a paranoid freak 😊

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 19:11

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 18:57

It is absolute hell. I’m much better now than I was when they were little. It just rears its ugly head when I feel like things are dangerous and out of my control.

Show quote history

That sounds truly horrific. I think trying to get some help again would be a good idea - having gone through this before you will be able to identify triggers and patterns to help someone trained to give you targeted solutions to help when things flare up. Wishing you all the best because I can't imagine how hard it is.

babyproblems · 09/10/2025 19:12

@Newname71 im also super anxious at the moment but for different reasons; I have a terrible back injury that is irritating nerves with horrible side effects- it’s making me so panicky the pharmacist suggest Valerian which is some sort of homeopathic thing- I’ve taken it today for the first time and definitely feel more relaxed. Might be worth a try for you. It’s horrible when you can’t control the anxiety and the symptoms can be so extreme and it’s a viscous circle! Xx

Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:14

Leopardwallop · 09/10/2025 19:09

It’s a really difficult time for parenting so I can just reassure you with a few points I reassure myself with as a parent of a few teenagers. Firstly. They REALLY like their cars , and driving, and don’t want to be stopped by police, or have their insurance hiked or their cars damaged. Most have black boxes anyway these days , but in any case there are plenty of police about to check on drivers.
As for the concert, your child is with their dad , who is just as invested in keeping them safe as you are. Concert venues have such stringent security and safety policies these days. They are all just a phone call away.

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. This is what I need!! The one at the concert is 25. He left home last year. The rational part of my brain knows they’ll be fine but the irrational part is winning tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:16

JetFlight · 09/10/2025 19:10

You need ways to manage your anxiety.
Read up on it as knowing what’s going on for you can help you feel more empowered. Go to reputable sites like MIND, nhs and Psychology Today.
There are lots of ways to manage anxiety and panic attacks including breathing exercises, mindfulness, distractions, grounding techniques, self talk, talking to someone.
Then generally, things like diet and regular exercise helps.
Go back to your GP and get referred for counselling.

Thankyou. I will go back to the GP. I’ve had a long period of time where I’ve been fine. DS1 is older (25) and DS2 has always been a homebody. He’s just got to that age where his friends are driving and going out drinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:26

One less to worry about.
DS2 is home. He said the lad was driving way too fast, doing 70 down lanes so he asked to be brought home!!
He said it’s not for him.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 19:30

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:26

One less to worry about.
DS2 is home. He said the lad was driving way too fast, doing 70 down lanes so he asked to be brought home!!
He said it’s not for him.

Well done on having raised a sensible son, that should give you some comfort.

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 09/10/2025 19:31

I'm sorry you have such bad anxiety. Are you medicated?

You need to seek treatment and try to hide this irrational behaviour from your children as it will be negatively affecting them.

PinkiOcelot · 09/10/2025 19:32

I could have written your post. My mind works overtime and I make up all of these scenarios in my head. It’s horrible.

DD2 is away at the minute, volunteering in a far flung area of the globe. I’ve hardly slept. And then I heard the government had stopped all travel there due to civil unrest. I feel ill. I won’t settle until she’s back.

I’m sorry, I haven’t talked you down at all, but I get where you’re coming from.

DisappearingGirl · 09/10/2025 19:36

Blimey, if this is what they were doing then I'd say your anxiety here was entirely rational!

Good on your son for saying no to his friend. Did you say the friend lives with you? I think I'd have to be having a chat with him about young lads who have caused horrific accidents doing silly speeds down lanes. Or a word with his parents if it's a different friend.

The son with his dad at a concert I wouldn't be worrying about though.

Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:41

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 09/10/2025 19:31

I'm sorry you have such bad anxiety. Are you medicated?

You need to seek treatment and try to hide this irrational behaviour from your children as it will be negatively affecting them.

I was on medication for many years. I haven’t needed it recently because DS1 is 25 and doesn’t really do much that my brain considers dangerous and DS2 has always been a homebody. It may be time to start again..

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:42

PinkiOcelot · 09/10/2025 19:32

I could have written your post. My mind works overtime and I make up all of these scenarios in my head. It’s horrible.

DD2 is away at the minute, volunteering in a far flung area of the globe. I’ve hardly slept. And then I heard the government had stopped all travel there due to civil unrest. I feel ill. I won’t settle until she’s back.

I’m sorry, I haven’t talked you down at all, but I get where you’re coming from.

I’m sorry you’re suffering this way too. The rational part of my brain knows everything will be fine but once those little seeds start growing there’s no stopping them ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:45

DisappearingGirl · 09/10/2025 19:36

Blimey, if this is what they were doing then I'd say your anxiety here was entirely rational!

Good on your son for saying no to his friend. Did you say the friend lives with you? I think I'd have to be having a chat with him about young lads who have caused horrific accidents doing silly speeds down lanes. Or a word with his parents if it's a different friend.

The son with his dad at a concert I wouldn't be worrying about though.

No, the friend that lives with us doesn’t drive. They were out with another friend. I’ve never met the driver. It was the friend that lives with us casually saying “we’re off out for a spin in a car” that set me off.

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