Page 2 | Talk me down.

Newname71 · 2025-10-09T17:48:04+00:00

I’m a worrier. Tonight is a particularly bad night. DH and DS1 have gone to a concert about an hour from home. I’m worrying. DS2 (18) is going for a “drive about” with a friend in his car. DS2 knows I’m a paranoid freak and knows not to tell me these things but his best mate who lives with us has just cheerfully told me about it. It’s gonna be a long night!! My mind is going to places I don’t want it to go to! 😢

Original poster

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:47

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 19:30

Well done on having raised a sensible son, that should give you some comfort.

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He’s just said he was sat in the back of the car thinking “I’d rather be at home in bed”
He can be a bit of a div but has a lot more sense than I think I give him credit for.

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FiloPasty · 09/10/2025 19:50

Are you perimenopausal/menopausal? I started getting terrible anxiety later in my mid 40’s and it completely disappeared once I started HRT. Just in case that’s helpful.

Skybluepinky · 09/10/2025 19:53

Don’t ruin your families lives got and get help for your mental health.

Toomanywaterbottles · 09/10/2025 19:56

Well, to be honest, I’m not an anxious type and I wouldn’t like this. There’s a reason why there’s discussion that 18-year-olds, males, shouldn’t be driving with friends in the car, and definitely not at night. And going for a “drive about”? Come on.

Original poster

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:57

FiloPasty · 09/10/2025 19:50

Are you perimenopausal/menopausal? I started getting terrible anxiety later in my mid 40’s and it completely disappeared once I started HRT. Just in case that’s helpful.

Yes I am menopausal actually. You could be onto something there. Now I think about it at the start of menopause I got very anxious when driving and completely lost my confidence. I’ll look into HRT. Thankyou

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Original poster

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 19:58

Toomanywaterbottles · 09/10/2025 19:56

Well, to be honest, I’m not an anxious type and I wouldn’t like this. There’s a reason why there’s discussion that 18-year-olds, males, shouldn’t be driving with friends in the car, and definitely not at night. And going for a “drive about”? Come on.

When he said it my mind went straight to thinking about the youngsters who were killed and not found for a couple of days. I think the car was in a ditch if my memory serves me right.

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DisappearingGirl · 09/10/2025 20:18

Toomanywaterbottles · 09/10/2025 19:56

Well, to be honest, I’m not an anxious type and I wouldn’t like this. There’s a reason why there’s discussion that 18-year-olds, males, shouldn’t be driving with friends in the car, and definitely not at night. And going for a “drive about”? Come on.

I agree with this.

DisappearingGirl · 09/10/2025 20:21

Completely off-topic but it's very nice of you to have your son's friend live with you!

CoastalCalm · 09/10/2025 20:24

As the daughter of an anxious mother please seek help , it has at times ruined our relationship

ButterPiesAreGreat · 09/10/2025 20:33

At least he came home. DS drives now and I trust him, he needs to drive to get to work and he has a black box. He’s had friends who drive since he left secondary. Thankfully they're all in similar positions, need to drive for work so are sensible. One used to race go karts but he is a good driver. DS drove to Hull and back last week, because train wasn’t practical and I worried less that he was asked to drive because I didn’t know the other lad.

CaroleLandis · 09/10/2025 20:42

In the nicest possible way they could be home with you and fall down the stairs or die in their sleep or drown in the bath!

Your irrational fear is because you can’t control the situations they are in.

Seek help tomorrow before it ruins your life and your relationships.

Original poster

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 21:00

CaroleLandis · 09/10/2025 20:42

In the nicest possible way they could be home with you and fall down the stairs or die in their sleep or drown in the bath!

Your irrational fear is because you can’t control the situations they are in.

Seek help tomorrow before it ruins your life and your relationships.

I take on board what you’re saying and rationally I know all this but once the anxiety kicks in all rational thought goes out of the window. I have solid relationships with both of them, they’re both old enough to understand how I feel sometimes. The youngest one just thinks I’m a dick 😂

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Original poster

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 21:03

CoastalCalm · 09/10/2025 20:24

As the daughter of an anxious mother please seek help , it has at times ruined our relationship

The oldest one was a nightmare teen and I can admit my anxiety made me quite controlling and at times did ruin an otherwise good relationship. It makes me sad to think about it but we’re very, very close now. He doesn’t live at home any more so it doesn’t really affect him. The youngest one takes it all in his stride and just tells me to chill the eff out. 😊

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Original poster

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 21:05

DisappearingGirl · 09/10/2025 20:21

Completely off-topic but it's very nice of you to have your son's friend live with you!

He’s a lovely lad. Didn’t have the best upbringing tbh. Mum moved away with her new boyfriend and his dad threw him out after a couple of arguments. He stayed for a week, then went home. Got into a physical fight with his dad, came back and has been here ever since.
His parents didn’t ever really care where he was or what he was up to. He must think I’m a lunatic.
He says he loves it here, he feels looked after.

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MedievalNun · 09/10/2025 21:10

I sympathise, I really do.

I have to consciously stop myself from becoming anxious to the point of terror when hubs and DD are driving anywhere. (Phobia of crashes, has a basis in something which happened when I was a child).

They are both aware of it and have helped me to be able to manage it - one way is that they have location sharing enabled on their phones and it’s shared with me; another is that if there is a change in plans / traffic / whatever they text me or send me a message.

I’m getting better but I still have major panic attacks from time to time, usually if it’s a long journey or one late at night.

I’ve had CBT and counselling to learn tricks to calm my mind and it has helped to an extent; I also have a couple of music tracks that I play in my headphones to calm me. I don’t understand why the counsellor felt that CBT wouldn’t work unless you were actually in an anxious state - I certainly wasn’t having one of my driving-centred panic attacks during any of the sessions I had and yet I was able to learn the techniques. You might just need a different counsellor.

But here to hold your hand tonight.

And you have a DS with his head screwed on right. Good for him.

Original poster

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 21:16

MedievalNun · 09/10/2025 21:10

I sympathise, I really do.

I have to consciously stop myself from becoming anxious to the point of terror when hubs and DD are driving anywhere. (Phobia of crashes, has a basis in something which happened when I was a child).

They are both aware of it and have helped me to be able to manage it - one way is that they have location sharing enabled on their phones and it’s shared with me; another is that if there is a change in plans / traffic / whatever they text me or send me a message.

I’m getting better but I still have major panic attacks from time to time, usually if it’s a long journey or one late at night.

I’ve had CBT and counselling to learn tricks to calm my mind and it has helped to an extent; I also have a couple of music tracks that I play in my headphones to calm me. I don’t understand why the counsellor felt that CBT wouldn’t work unless you were actually in an anxious state - I certainly wasn’t having one of my driving-centred panic attacks during any of the sessions I had and yet I was able to learn the techniques. You might just need a different counsellor.

But here to hold your hand tonight.

And you have a DS with his head screwed on right. Good for him.

Sorry to hear you’re suffering too. The crashing thing is my big worry too. DS has messaged me so I know they got there safely. But I won’t rest until I know they’re home. DS fiancée is driving, she drives ambulances on blue lights so I know she’s a competent driver. But once the worry sets in it just grows until I’m in full on panic mode. I know I need to do something because I can’t live like this forever

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FunnyOrca · 09/10/2025 21:23

I have worked on this in therapy. What really helped me is to acknowledge that “it hasn’t happened” and to recognise that I am losing the present moment, where I am so lucky to have all these people I love, to a fear of something that hasn’t happened.

Almost as if acknowledging that by allowing the thought power, the thought is taking what you are afraid of being taken?

MedievalNun · 09/10/2025 21:26

Newname71 · 09/10/2025 21:16

Sorry to hear you’re suffering too. The crashing thing is my big worry too. DS has messaged me so I know they got there safely. But I won’t rest until I know they’re home. DS fiancée is driving, she drives ambulances on blue lights so I know she’s a competent driver. But once the worry sets in it just grows until I’m in full on panic mode. I know I need to do something because I can’t live like this forever

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Big hug.

Would the GP be able to prescribe something like a mild sedative that you could take when you get a bad anxiety attack?

For me, the biggest help is the relaxation music. There’s something about having it flow through noise cancelling headphones so it’s the only thing I hear (& eyes closed & sometimes in a really nice scented bath) that just sends the fear away.

Good luck.