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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not bother with weekly ‘busy work’ homework tasks?

191 replies

MissYouForever · 08/10/2025 20:53

My daughter is in year 1. She has weekly spellings with a weekly test and of course her school reading book. Both of these I fully understand the importance of and we do always make sure these are all completed.

But we are also being set weekly tasks for English and Maths that I really, really do not have the time to organise and motivate my child to do. It is clearly to support their learning in whatever they are are being taught this week, but in all honesty it just feels like a box ticking exercise from the school/teacher.

AIBU to just not bother? She is 5! She is doing great at school, no problems at all. I know it will be brought up to me in the the parents evening and I hate that feeling that I’m letting my child down or not being a good enough parent to force these silly tasks to be completed every week. It’s just too much. I have a younger child, trying to manage work, the household and maintain my own sanity.

I just feel like it’s yet another expectation on the parents. Another thing we are scrutinised with and made to feel inadequate about. And I just find it irritating seeing an end of year report for my child with top ticks on all the ‘exceeding expectations’ criteria for academic progress and behaviour except a big red X on the homework heading because we didn’t do enough of the tasks (this was last year)

OP posts:
HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2025 12:07

@PlanetMa why are dropping to insults - I disagree with you, I haven't called you names, and I'm the unpleasant one crikey.

PlanetMa · 09/10/2025 12:29

HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2025 12:05

@PlanetMa I disagree on that too it is not the schools place to be fitting in 500 extra-curriculars.

A well rounded education involves learning at school and at home - and that does not have to include paid for activities - but it can.

A huge part of parenting is teaching. Schools aren't there to fill in parenting gaps.

Weird you felt the need to bring up my kids - if this is as you say " a general discussion" they do activities though if it makes you feel better - I just don't see them as an essential - it's a nice to have.

Who suggested schools should include 500 extra-curriculars?

I haven’t suggested it should include any extra-curriculars at all. I have stated that the school curriculum should be much more varied and include far more of wider subjects as part of the normal school day, and that proper funding for education is necessary enabling smaller class sizes, specialist teaching in a wider variety of subjects, and a wider variety of different schools focusing on different areas in addition to the core subjects so that children are enabled to pursue their individual specific talents and skills in learning environments that suit different learning styles rather than treating them all as clones with a group childcare one-size-fits-all approach which serves very few children well or enables them to reach their true potential.

Neither did I say that children should not be learning at home - a bizarre assertion - or that schools should be filling gaps in parenting. In fact, I specifically objected to schools increasingly seeming to be taking on the role of social work rather than actually teaching children during their time there so that they can have downtime and learn in more natural ways at home and have more energy for family time and interaction.

“Weird you felt the need to bring up my kids.

This is ironic at best and verging on gaslighting. The only thing I have said about you - after being on the receiving end of multiple unprovoked personal attacks from you - is that its seems from your later comments that your bizarre reactions to my posts are motivated by some kind of insecurity about what you provide for your own children, given that you misinterpreted my posts to such an extreme extent to mean the opposite of what I stated clearly.

You have made multiple comments which make it apparent that you are determined to invent personal offence from comments that were not directed at you, not about you, and to interpret them to mean the opposite of what they actually say (as everyone reading the thread can verify for themselves), and have tried multiple times to fabricate that I’ve said things I plainly have not said in a very disingenuous manner. I cannot, at this stage, believe this to be a genuine error on your part given you’ve done it multiple times even when it’s been pointed out to you, so you could have gone back and read the comments again and simply apologised like a normal person does when they’ve made a mistake, but have instead you doubled down on it, and actually - as you know - it is you who has made really nasty personal comments to me:

10:21 HairsprayBabe I don't think this is true at all - makes it sound you are running the house like Captain Von Trapp.

11:06 HairsprayBabe @ PlanetMa maybe your kids just go to a rubbish school because I haven't had that experience at all.

11:18 Hairspraybabe Filling the gaps in their school education is literally the job of parenting - if you have to ship it out to paid activities then that's your parenting choice.

11:24 HairsprayBabe If you want people to be pleasant start with yourself.

PlanetMa · 09/10/2025 12:29

HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2025 12:07

@PlanetMa why are dropping to insults - I disagree with you, I haven't called you names, and I'm the unpleasant one crikey.

Yes, indeed you are.

Swissmeringue · 09/10/2025 12:33

It's not that I don't have time, it's that I think homework for children of that age is an absolute nonsense.

DD has just started Y3 and has homework, which we work through diligently together, but for early years and ks1 she just had to bring her reading book home and read every day, which I thoroughly approve of as a policy.

I'd explain my stance to the school though rather than just ignoring the homework.

PlanetMa · 09/10/2025 12:38

HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2025 12:07

@PlanetMa why are dropping to insults - I disagree with you, I haven't called you names, and I'm the unpleasant one crikey.

You falsely accused me of being “cruel, judgemental and unpleasant” to other parents when I’d made no criticism of other parents whatsoever, either as a general group or to individual posters. But allegedly you haven’t called me names.

Do you always lie like this?

HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2025 12:40

@PlanetMa fairly sure you called me unpleasant first - watch out your pants are on fire...

PlanetMa · 09/10/2025 12:41

Such spiteful comments it’s really unsettling, as a response to a discussion about primary school homework and children’s developmental needs and whether these are met by the current education system! I don’t understand why we can’t have sensible discussions about public policy and state institutions in this country without people getting so nasty.

allthegrass · 09/10/2025 12:45

I think homework for primary age kids past some spelling and maybe a creative thing once in a blue moon is bonkers. They are little kids ! At 5 they should just be allowed to play

PlanetMa · 09/10/2025 12:47

HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2025 12:40

@PlanetMa fairly sure you called me unpleasant first - watch out your pants are on fire...

I asked you why you were being so unpleasant because you’d made personal attacks on me and said maybe my children go to a rubbish school, and that it sounds like I “run my house like Captain Von Trapp”. The quotes are listed in my post above. This was a perfectly reasonable question given such unprovoked and hostile behaviour and such an extreme, personal reaction to disagreeing with someone else’s posts on a discussion on the topic of primary school homework.

Everybody reading the thread can see that you responded to a comment of mine that wasn’t even directed to you (or indeed any particular poster) with personal insults and have continued in the same vein ever since with escalating hostility and spitefulness and continuous attempts to misrepresent my comments and claim I’ve written things that I quite clearly never stated at all.

HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2025 12:47

10:21 HairsprayBabe I don't think this is true at all - makes it sound you are running the house like Captain Von Trapp.

My initial post - I thought it was funny a throw away post - I thought you would take it as a joke - didn't realise you were so serious at this point - e.g if someone said my kids look like the Von Trapp children because I dress them in second hand clothed I would think it funny.

11:06 HairsprayBabe @ PlanetMa maybe your kids just go to a rubbish school because I haven't had that experience at all.

A question not an attack

11:18 Hairspraybabe Filling the gaps in their school education is literally the job of parenting - if you have to ship it out to paid activities then that's your parenting choice.

The general use of you and your eg - if people want to do X it is their choice, but less wordy

11:24 HairsprayBabe If you want people to be pleasant start with yourself.

You called me unpleasant first

If I am upsetting you this much just block me, I am a stranger on the internet it doesn't matter what I say, but I don't have to agree with you or be "nice" - I will remind you - you are the one who started the name calling.

Choconuts · 09/10/2025 13:07

My child’s school does not set homework above spelling and reading books as apparently there is no evidence that it helps. Sorry can’t provide any links as was told verbally by head teacher at prospective parents evening

PlanetMa · 09/10/2025 13:22

HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2025 12:47

10:21 HairsprayBabe I don't think this is true at all - makes it sound you are running the house like Captain Von Trapp.

My initial post - I thought it was funny a throw away post - I thought you would take it as a joke - didn't realise you were so serious at this point - e.g if someone said my kids look like the Von Trapp children because I dress them in second hand clothed I would think it funny.

11:06 HairsprayBabe @ PlanetMa maybe your kids just go to a rubbish school because I haven't had that experience at all.

A question not an attack

11:18 Hairspraybabe Filling the gaps in their school education is literally the job of parenting - if you have to ship it out to paid activities then that's your parenting choice.

The general use of you and your eg - if people want to do X it is their choice, but less wordy

11:24 HairsprayBabe If you want people to be pleasant start with yourself.

You called me unpleasant first

If I am upsetting you this much just block me, I am a stranger on the internet it doesn't matter what I say, but I don't have to agree with you or be "nice" - I will remind you - you are the one who started the name calling.

10:21 HairsprayBabe I don't think this is true at all - makes it sound you are running the house like Captain Von Trapp.
^^
My initial post - I thought it was funny a throw away post - I thought you would take it as a joke - didn't realise you were so serious at this point - e.g if someone said my kids look like the Von Trapp children because I dress them in second hand clothed I would think it funny.

Captain Von Trapp (presumably you’re referring to the character in “The Sound of Music” rather than the historical person upon whom it was based) was extremely strict, militaristic and authoritarian. He made his children scared and showed no empathy whatsoever, showed them no love or affection, even used a whistle to direct their behaviour like animals. I’m not sure why you think comparing another parent of whom you know nothing to such a character would be amusing.

I adore my children. I have supported them alone since they were babies. They both have disabilities. I work extremely hard to give them the best life I possibly can. I fight the LA for provision for them. I homeschooled one for months when they couldn’t cope with school, put them back together again, and did my work at night so had to cut my sleep to 3 hours per day for months on end. I fund private medical care for them. I have had to spend tens of thousands of pounds on healthcare and legal battles to get them the help they need. I give them a huge amount of love and affection and understanding for their additional needs and extra support and tools to cope and we have a home filled with laughter, love and joy.

They have wonderful holidays and trips and a lot of input and care and time from me. They have a trampoline and swings and swimming pool in their garden, they have nannies to care for them while I’m working because they can’t cope with group childcare on top of school, but I have changed jobs to ensure I am here every morning and evening and any time they need me. I have never missed a sports day or play or parents’ evening, despite working full time. They have lovely holidays every year, birthday parties, playdates. We do a family games night every week (board games and electronic ones of their choice) and movie nights where we cuddle up on the sofa. I bake with them, teach them to cook and grow things in the garden. I take weeks of unpaid leave ever year as well as annual leave to spend every moment I can with them, while also working in a demanding job and also fighting endless battles for appropriate educational provision for them and taking them myself to every single medical appointment and operation.

Your comment was, therefore, extremely insulting, as it was intended to be because I highly doubt that you genuinely believe any parent - even those far less committed to their children than I am - would take this as a compliment. Making these kinds of assumptions about a stranger and comparing them to a character who exemplified abusive parenting methods is quite clearly not a “light-hearted” or “funny” comment. The fact you believe such insults to people you know nothing about to be justified or acceptable simply because someone stated that they let their children try/do numerous activities outside school because the school curriculum is so narrow is unfathomable, as is your attempt to now try to pass this off as some kind of amusing “joke” when you were effectively accusing me of being abusive to my children by making a comparison to Von Trapp.

11:06 HairsprayBabe @ PlanetMa maybe your kids just go to a rubbish school because I haven't had that experience at all.

A question not an attack

It was not a question. Those are usually identifiable by a question mark. This is not a way that somebody with any intention to engage in a discussion rather than being argumentative would phase a genuine enquiry.

11:18 Hairspraybabe Filling the gaps in their school education is literally the job of parenting - if you have to ship it out to paid activities then that's your parenting choice.
^^
The general use of you and your eg - if people want to do X it is their choice, but less wordy

Bad grammar in that case: one would write “one” if meant generally, or “someone” if the person wished to make it sound less formal. “You” is the second person and refers directly to the person to which you are speaking/ writing.

11:24 HairsprayBabe If you want people to be pleasant start with yourself.
You called me unpleasant first
^^
If I am upsetting you this much just block me, I am a stranger on the internet it doesn't matter what I say, but I don't have to agree with you or be "nice" - I will remind you - you are the one who started the name calling.

I’m afraid it does matter that you are hostile and unpleasant to strangers on the internet for no reason, particularly when you try to factually misrepresent their comments over and over again in the most egregious manner and continue to do so even when it is pointed out to you. Those of us capable of standing up to such bullies and pointing out what they are doing have a duty to do so because some other may not feel or be able to when it is directed at them (I can’t imagine, given your behaviour on this thread, that this is the first and only time you’ve engaged in random and unprovoked attacks on someone else for no reason at all).

If only there was a way on Mumsnet to block unpleasant, disingenuous, argumentative and deliberately spiteful posters, but sadly that does not exist. So one can only hope that either - after their disingenuousness is highlighted repeatedly - they have the shame to go away and stop bothering other people when it’s been made clear that they’ve come across someone who won’t be bullied by their attempts to misrepresent things for their own purposes, or that Mumsnet eventually removes them completely so that nobody has to tolerate it anymore.

You seem to be determined to derail the OP’s thread away from the actual topic of discussion so I suggest that we leave this here now and you do not direct any further comments to me.

FunnyOrca · 09/10/2025 16:22

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 09/10/2025 08:08

What about the kids who aren't doing so well though?

Reading and spelling are exceptions. These are skills that can be worked on and it’s very easy for even the least engaged parents to help with.

Beyond that, teacher time in class is what’s most valuable. Children who are struggling are not going to learn through independent worksheets or iPad games, which seem to be creeping in to replace maths homework. Rote learning is not how numeracy is taught these days and can hold children back. They are much better off having a long period of uninterrupted play of an evening to make the most of school the next day.

Boomer55 · 09/10/2025 16:43

Homework is supposed to be independent. Other than reading with primary age kids, I’d ignore it all.

In senior school, pupils should be doing it themselves.

When did it become a thing to drag parents into homework?

If it’s that important, it can be taught in the school day. 🙄

Keepingthingsinteresting · 09/10/2025 16:50

PumpkinSparkleFairy · 09/10/2025 07:57

But homework for 5 year olds isn’t an inherent part of having children. It’s just daft 😂

Making sure they get a good education is though, and showing them from the very beginning that school work is optional, the rules don’t apply to them, they can opt out of the system doesn’t really set a great expectation does it?

And just because you think something is daft doesn’t mean it is, unless you are suddenly going to pull out your doctorate in early years education with a thesis proving that homework has a negative effect on primary school kids I’m probably going to think the teachers know better than you 😂😂😂

BeachLife2 · 09/10/2025 16:51

Err, yes you can make time.

Luxio · 09/10/2025 16:55

Keepingthingsinteresting · 09/10/2025 16:50

Making sure they get a good education is though, and showing them from the very beginning that school work is optional, the rules don’t apply to them, they can opt out of the system doesn’t really set a great expectation does it?

And just because you think something is daft doesn’t mean it is, unless you are suddenly going to pull out your doctorate in early years education with a thesis proving that homework has a negative effect on primary school kids I’m probably going to think the teachers know better than you 😂😂😂

But she's not wrong it has been proven by multiple studies that homework at this age is pointless. Myself and multiple other teachers on the thread have agreed with the OP and other parents that we don't send it home because it's beneficial, it's genuinely just a tick box exercise. Confused

Onthemaintrunkline · 09/10/2025 18:12

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/10/2025 08:26

What is " this amount" of homework ? A book to read (5-10 mins) a work sheet ( 10 minutes) the construction of the Tudor house ( for mine it was a pagoda and the shard) is surely not a daily task but a lovely crafting activity for a rainy weekend afternoon no ?

You need to read ALL of my post, I said at this age, ie 5 years old. I didn’t say I was against homework, there is a place for it, but simply at this young age I wonder at the point of it when they come home tired.

Genero · 09/10/2025 18:25

Luxio · 09/10/2025 16:55

But she's not wrong it has been proven by multiple studies that homework at this age is pointless. Myself and multiple other teachers on the thread have agreed with the OP and other parents that we don't send it home because it's beneficial, it's genuinely just a tick box exercise. Confused

Maybe homework is actually detrimental, as opposed to just not measurably beneficial, if the teacher setting it has problems using reflexive pronouns and commas correctly.

Luxio · 09/10/2025 18:26

Genero · 09/10/2025 18:25

Maybe homework is actually detrimental, as opposed to just not measurably beneficial, if the teacher setting it has problems using reflexive pronouns and commas correctly.

It's a chat forum not an English lesson but if that is the only argument you can come up with and it makes you feel better you do you.

AntiBullshit · 09/10/2025 18:37

When mine dc’s were in primary they read and practice their spellings whilst I was finishing off tea. Done and ducted in 15 mins. No drama. Then on the way to school we’d go through them to see what they could spell. Again very relaxed and no issue if they got it wrong.

Fispi · 09/10/2025 19:18

I'm not convinced much homework is useful at primary. Reading and spellings absolutely, and times tables later. My DC in reception gets letter writing practice sheets which she does as she enjoys it. If she was resistant I would leave it. DC in year 3 gets 24 maths questions a week, daily reading, spellings and a times table app is encouraged. Reading is a daily for us, spellings if not too tired and the times table app here and there. I think the 8 pages of maths is ridiculous. DD does it and gets very stressed about it. I will not push it if she is tired. DH pushes it more. They need time to play. Children arent little for long.

stargirl1701 · 09/10/2025 19:33

I’m a primary school teacher. I did not do homework with my children until secondary. But. I did use that time to play Orchard Toys Games, complete all of the Rainbows/Brownies/Beavers/Cubs badges, read a bedtime story every single night, complete nearly all of the Blue Peter badges, undertake every Summer and Winter Reading Challenge at the library, matched non-fiction at home with school topics, updated the Yoto cards seasonally, etc.

It was about using the time available in the best way. A primary school aged child learns best with a parent. I had no interest in making them complete a random worksheet for homework.

My DC did not have a screen device (phone, tablet, laptop) until secondary school. They only watched CBeebies and CBBC plus DVDs. I knew slow-paced screen activity would be key to making progress in school.

bluebettyy · 09/10/2025 20:26

Boomer55 · 09/10/2025 16:43

Homework is supposed to be independent. Other than reading with primary age kids, I’d ignore it all.

In senior school, pupils should be doing it themselves.

When did it become a thing to drag parents into homework?

If it’s that important, it can be taught in the school day. 🙄

Parents are expected to work full time, provide children with nutritious meals from scratch, 247 company and entertainment, endless extra curricular activities and sit with them to do homework every day. It’s endless.

PlanetMa · 09/10/2025 21:02

Keepingthingsinteresting · 09/10/2025 16:50

Making sure they get a good education is though, and showing them from the very beginning that school work is optional, the rules don’t apply to them, they can opt out of the system doesn’t really set a great expectation does it?

And just because you think something is daft doesn’t mean it is, unless you are suddenly going to pull out your doctorate in early years education with a thesis proving that homework has a negative effect on primary school kids I’m probably going to think the teachers know better than you 😂😂😂

The teachers do know better (many of them have stated on this thread that they are aware that homework in primary schools has been shown by research to have no beneficial impact whatsoever and actually quite a detrimental impact to some children) as do those with doctorates in childhood development who’ve actually studied this, whose research has demonstrated that homework in primary schools is unnecessary and pointless at best.

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