to tell someone else’s DD to stop swearing

[PepforPM]

DS12 and I went to a PL football match at the weekend. Couldn’t get seats exactly together so he sat with some people we know and I sat two rows in front of him.

Was the official family stand so kids everywhere - from about age 3 up. But once the match kicked off I could hear a loud voice (I guessed maybe early 20s) right behind me giving a running commentary with every other word effing and blinding.

Noone else was saying anything so I turned around to find that she was younger than I thought - maybe 15 or 16. I said “Could you tone down the swearing, there’s little kids sitting here”.

She wasn’t happy, told me to mind my own effing business etc, her dad wasn’t happy. Nobody else - none of the parents sitting round there - said a word.

But my DS was/is mortified - says I shouldn’t have got involved and now we won’t be able to sit there ever again. The other people he was sitting with (whose son is 15) also think I shouldn’t have rocked the boat as they are season ticket holders and stuck there.

WIU?

I've gone to many, many football matches over the years.

And yes there is a lot of bad language on the pitch and off.

But in the situation you describe, where it is a family stand, it is not unusual for a person to ask someone using bad language to stop.. And generally the person using the language has the grace to tone things down.

Actually at a lower league match last year one of the players coming off at half time was swearing away and complaining while going past the crowd, including young children. And a woman actually challenged him and told him to watch his language. And his team mates had the decency to tell him to shut up and they hurried him into the changing room.

So I think you did exactly the right thing and I admire you for doing it.

This ^
However I can get why your DS wasn’t happy about your intervention from his point of view, I wouldn’t be at his age. But it do says about his insecurity and low confidence.

Ime swearing is common at football matches. DS has been going every week since he was 5 or 6 and hasn’t turned into a sweaty yob.

There is a difference between swearing aggressively and swearing in normal conversation. I don’t have any issue with the latter.

your Ds will have heard it all before, and that’s what you should focus on, the welfare of your child, a 3 yo probably would not have paid attention to anything going on.

I’m not sure it has anything to do with insecurity or low confidence tbh.

Not many people want to start arguments with people they have to spend time with regularly. Particularly not over something that is very normal at football matches.

Get the officials at the club involved. Get them to police it.

No, it says more about being embarrassed by his mother

and at 12… that’s literally her breathing. She drew attention, that’s why he’s bothered.

it wasn’t really necessary.

Honestly we just warned my DSD that she’d hear some very bad language in an analogous setting and she sat there somewhat wide-eyed at times and I think slightly thrilled but managed not to adopt it as part of her repertoire.

I imagine this language has long been part of the culture and attendance isn’t compulsory so I think as long as it isn’t racist I’d tolerate it. I’d also be very sad to lose some of the most popular chants which also often contain bad language but can be very funny at the right moment when 90% of a stadium starts singing them.

I take the same view if someone takes a child into a proper drinking pub early evening; don’t expect people to remember to adapt their habitual behaviour as they probably would in a “child-friendly” setting.

Yes but the whole idea of a family stand is to make it a safe environment for young children.
And one of the usually explicit rules is that people using the family stand are mindful of their language.

Not many people want to start arguments with people they have to spend time with regularly.
Doesn't that cut two ways?
Particularly not over something that is very normal at football matches.
That doesn't paint football / football fans in a very good light, does it.

I don’t see the issue with swearing at a football match if it’s not being done in an aggressive way.

They are just words.

The family stand is the equivalent to the quiet railway carriage.

Yes bad language is normal at football matches but people using the family stand have an expectation that their children are cushioned to some extent from the full swearing experience.

I wouldn’t have said anything, I am fairly unbothered about swearing though. I don’t swear and neither do my kids but I don’t care if others do. As your son is 12 and presumably aware of all swear words, there wasn’t much point in you asking her to stop. If parents with younger kids were bothered they could’ve said something themselves.

I don’t see the issue with swearing at a football match if it’s not being done in an aggressive way.
They are just words.
You have a sad life if swearing is an integral part of it, imo. Swearing indicates anger and stress because you are not in control of the situation.
But if that's your idea of a nice afternoon out then crack on.

Fair enough, I’m not familiar with that; in my sport we don’t have family stands as such, children are everywhere. Are family stands reserved for families?

I’d opt for the sweary stand myself.

Do get a grip 🤣

I have a grip, thank you. That's how I manage to not-swear most of the time.

They are likely to hear swearing from elsewhere in the ground in any event. I am a season ticket holder at a Scottish Premiership club and the most popular chant contains “fucking.”

Good for you 👍

I think this is the issue we all have different opinions of whats acceptable and whats not. To me there is no reason people need to be swearing in normal conversation and I wouldn't allow my kids to do that. I have no issue with swearing for e.g. if you step on lego

Do you actually attend football matches? Because I'm definitely getting the impression some pp on this thread don't.

I've been a regular attender of football matches at all levels for many many years.And I can tell you now that even as someone used to swearing at matches the level of aggression displayed by some people when they are swearing is actually more frightening than the language used.

And I find it strange that posters are saying that families should have to put up with it in an area designated for families, usually with prominent signs reminding people that it is a family area and that bad language is not acceptable.

Yes- I have a season ticket at a Scottish Premiership club and have done for many years.

Swearing is very common during matches, but very rarely is it done with aggression or malice ime.

@PepforPM i would have done exactly the same. Especially if its in a family stand with little ones around. Well done ❤️

I think my eldest heard some words for the first time at football matches. He's been going with me since very tiny. There's no specific family stand here but there is an area that is more family friendly. I tend to take the view that they're just words - some of the best chants at the opposition have swears in them. I did take offence and report the two middle aged men Nazi saluting at various points of the match a couple of weeks ago.

Personally I wouldn’t have said anything, your daughter will probably have heard it all in the school playground and for all you know may use the occasional swear word herself, but I don’t have an issue with swearing anyway. It’s just words and part of language.