to tell someone else’s DD to stop swearing

[PepforPM]

DS12 and I went to a PL football match at the weekend. Couldn’t get seats exactly together so he sat with some people we know and I sat two rows in front of him.

Was the official family stand so kids everywhere - from about age 3 up. But once the match kicked off I could hear a loud voice (I guessed maybe early 20s) right behind me giving a running commentary with every other word effing and blinding.

Noone else was saying anything so I turned around to find that she was younger than I thought - maybe 15 or 16. I said “Could you tone down the swearing, there’s little kids sitting here”.

She wasn’t happy, told me to mind my own effing business etc, her dad wasn’t happy. Nobody else - none of the parents sitting round there - said a word.

But my DS was/is mortified - says I shouldn’t have got involved and now we won’t be able to sit there ever again. The other people he was sitting with (whose son is 15) also think I shouldn’t have rocked the boat as they are season ticket holders and stuck there.

WIU?

IMO what was being said was worse than what you usually hear in the kop end of the park. There you get outbursts at the ref and certain dirty players people don’t like and there are a few songs with a swear word.

But this was a running commentary where every other word out of her mouth was foul and we were literally surrounded by younger kids. Eg “He’s a f- a- what the f- are they f- doing f-h- this is f- b- my a- f-o-“

I don’t want to pay to hear that for 90 minutes, I don’t want my son to think this is acceptable and I don’t want little kids of 5,6,7 to have to hear it either.

In a family stand with lots of kids around you did the right thing.

I wouldn't let it put you off sitting there again, in fact I'd raise the issue with a steward if it continued.

Now you have me wondering which club because the matches I attend are all Scottish based!

It might not be intentional malice or intentional aggression but if you happen to be stood, or sat, next to someone who launches into a foul mouthed tirade of abuse it is quite intimidating. Particularly if you are much smaller physically than that person. I'm just less than 5ft 2 so most adults at a football match tower over me. It doesn't take much imagination to see the effect that can have on a small child.

In my experience, even family stands are sweary. The one I attend is right behind the goal and if the other teams keeper is playing there, shouting ''you fat bastard'' as he kicks the ball out is just as likely to be joined in from people in the family stand as it is the more 'rough' stand across the pitch which has the football chants, drums etc.

I will add as well
@BeachLife2
that I occasionally attend Women's football matches and it's really quite marked the difference in the atmosphere of the crowd. Generally a very mixed crowd -women ,a lot of children and quite a few men. A lot of enthusiasm but an overall family friendly feel and very little, if any any swearing.

Honestly, bin football and go to rugby instead!

Meh, I don't really get why people are so precious about swearing. As long as the swearing isn't directed at anyone I'm particular, I don't think it really matters. And a lot of kids will have heard worse in the playground!

But if it was disturbing you and spoiling your enjoyment of the game, then yanbu to have said something.

It's normal for 12yos to be embarrassed by their parents, so I wouldn't read much in to that!

I would say the attendance at my club is very diverse, with lots of women and families (especially over the last decade or so). There is generally a very family-friendly atmosphere.

The swearing that takes place is usually related to the match (or the referee). The only exception would be a match against a big rival team where it can get more heated.

Particularly not over something that is very normal at football matches.
That doesn't paint football / football fans in a very good light, does it.

No but I doubt it's going to change anytime soon. It was like that in the late 70s/early 80s so there's going to have to be a massive cultural shift for it to change.

Hear hear

If your son was 5 you might have had more of a point, but he’s 12. He hears that language every single day at school and it’s not at all unusual at a football match. There are well-known, long established football chants that can easily be heard on TV coverage that have swearing in them.

Racist, misogynist and homophobic slurs are absolutely not acceptable and clubs will ban supporters who use them. But swearing, on and off the pitch, is pretty normal at football matches. Obviously some people don’t like that but it’s part of a very, very long established football culture and I think you just have to learn to ignore it if it bothers you.

Going to a football match and telling people to stop swearing is a bit like standing in a mosh pit at a gig and telling people not to bump into you, or going to the Last Night of the Proms and telling people to stop waving flags.

FWIW, I watch a lot of football and I know people who never swear in their daily lives but will happily do so at football matches. I also know people whose children are not allowed to swear at home, ever, but who are permitted to join in with songs and chants full of F-words at football matches.

I get your point in theory about there being little kids about.

But none of the little kids was yours- 12 is more than old enough to hear a bit of swearing and not be either shocked or influenced by it.

For context, my children are 17 and 11. I might have to remind the 11 yo afterwards that it’s not acceptable to speak like that. But he too would be mortified if I’d intervened.

As a pp said, kids that age are easily embarrassed.

Edit - it was probably also the fact you referenced “little kids” with the implication that you were responsible for an”little kid”, ie you were calling him a “little kid”. Better you’d have said “I don’t want to hear it” from his pov.

What a disgusting attitude. “I'm alright Jack, so sod the rest….”

Totally agree. You can have a beer sitting beside opposing fans, and just enjoy the game.

Couldn't get bothered by this. Just words.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing
It was obvious which little kids I meant - I was sitting between a tiny one about 4 and another who was maybe 6 or 7. Both in plain sight of the swearer, whereas she couldn’t see my son. If you think it’s good for kids that age to sit and listen to an older girl’s non-stop swearing for 90 minutes then there’s no hope.

Yes- no need to mix with the sweary proles either 🤨

Exactly. What goes on on the pitch, stays on the pitch

I go to watch the rugby and there are plenty of stewards in the family stand who will approach people to ask them to stop swearing. She could go anywhere else in the stadium if she wants to swear.

I probably wouldn't have spoken to her myself, but might have gone to see if there was a steward.

@TheDenimPoet
Thought about it but a) there were none near enough to hear it for themselves and b) it would have been obvious it was me telling tales if I’d got up and fetched one.

I once told a fully grown man to pack the swearing in. He was calling the referee a cunt every two minutes and I'd had enough. He was very apologetic and made it funny by saying stuff like, oh gosh ref, I don't agree with that! We had a laugh about it in the end.
BTW, in a family stand you have every right to report that kind of swearing to a steward. They're the ones to feel embarrassed not you