To think my direct report is being over sensitive? How to handle this

[Squarestones]

Ahead of a team chat about this later in week, seeking thoughts on how to handle or support or coach my team member.

We;ve just had a team restructure which involved this person (call him A) being promoted and he now has to directly manage/oversee a long-term contractor who works with us. It involves allocating tasks to the contractor on each of his days, as well as allocating tasks to others in the (very small) team.

The contractor has always been a bit prickly. Prone to passive agressive remarks and grumpiness. He's been working for us for about a decade, has excellent knowledge and skills, but is just hard to manage. ON occassion this does result in challenges with external stakeholders who he also handles roughly, but generally this is rare and we remove him from situations where that can be a risk. He's also entirely remote so that adds an extra dimension of it being hard to judge tone in messages etc.

A believes that the contractor's attitude has been worsening since A took over in new role, and that the remarks are becoming more personal. The contractor will often push back on tasks - he will do the thing he's asked but not before setting out his own view on what should be happening. A thinks he is doing this more now.

Sometimes I think A has a point - I have been on receiving end of this behaviour and I know it's annoying. But I just let it go as contractor is good overall and also I know he's having a rough time personally so I take it all as reflecting that rather than a sleight on me.

So in general terms my approach would be to encourage A to do same - just rise above it unless and until the contractor starts to not do his job well at which point we could consider alternatives but our field is very specialist so would be hard to replace him.

Problem is that my job share colleague who leads the team with me thinks differently - they feel we have a duty of care to A as it's his first 'leadership role' and the contractor is making that unpleasant so we should start to look at replacements.

A has sent me and the other team leader screenshots of messages he was upset by last week. To my mind they are just normal grumpiness from the contractor - nothing personal. I think A is reading too much into these small remarks because he is sensitised to it due to one or two more legitimate issues.

I also think that ending our long-term relationship with a contractor who does agood job overall is an over-reaction to A's hurt feelings.

What do you think? Am I being insensitive? Do I have a duty of care to A? Or should we be coaching him to rise above rather than removing the contractor?

For context both A and the contractor are white men but contractor is much older - so it's not a racism or sexism issue, but there's definitely a chance of age-sensitivity on both their parts.

I was expecting a lot worse than your examples. I do really appreciate straightforward talk as opposed to handwringing "well if you could think about how you feel about doing xyz if you have the chance" so I think it's a bit subjective at this level.

I can see how it could veer into P-A but I'd probably be straightforward (with a friendly tone) back, if and when that happened.

Questioning is good for me as it helps set context and priorities which might otherwise only have been hinted at (and I'm at risk of missing) and it doesn't necessarily mean I think the choice is a bad one, I just appreciate clearly setting out what it is and acknowledging any down sides, iyswim!

I wouldn't be outwardly grumpy about it though.

And also just to point out that if a lot of this is text communications, many people interpret even minor punctuation completely differently- with full stops being seen as grumpy or "short" by a lot of people, and others who consider them perfectly normal ways of ending a sentence.

Just more ways that tone can be misunderstood!

I hope that's helpful.
I hope that's helpful!
I hope that's helpful...

I thought I was going to be team A, but actually, I'm on the contractor's side.

If he doesn't flag undone tasks, or draw these issues to management attention, and something comes of it, how can he trust that he wouldn't be blamed for that instead?

It's hard to gauge tone in writing but the examples you've given sound fairly normal to me - he may just want to make sure you're aware that he won't get the original task done and are comfortable with the implications of that so he doesn't get criticism later for not doing it.

Obviously nobody should be expected to tolerate bullying or unprofessional conduct but I don't feel what you describe falls into that category unless there's something nasty in the tone or body language.

I would consider introducing, or coaching A to introduce, a more structured approach to settling or amending priorities together, with the contractor feeding into your decisions.

Your example looks normal to me; neither A nor the contractor (C) were unprofessional. But you've also said there are communications (too outing to summarise) that are outright rude, and that in the past C has made clearly passive-aggressive comments on work group chat and been "rough" with clients. If YOU were to speak directly with C about what needs to change in order for him to stay on, with examples from the past month or so, are you confident that you could make it clear to him what's acceptable and what's not, if he genuinely did not understand? Would C come away with a substantially similar understanding having had that conversation with you versus with your job share counterpart, or with A? My guess is no, and that's a problem. With a contractor you have a lot of leeway to replace him, but that doesn't mean that replacing him is the best thing for the company - or for A's development as a manager of people.

Does A have previous experience (not necessarily at your company) managing people? Is he doing any kind of broad proactive management of this contractor (and any other direct reports) or is he mainly just assigning work/reacting when there's a problem? I was going to ask if A received any management training before taking on this new role - and in particular any training on manager contractors and full-time remote workers if he hasn't done so before - and if there's general expert support for him from HR, but from your follow-ups it sounds like not only has he not had this, but you haven't either? At the very least, find out who your HR person is and see if there's support for you both.

The combination of 100% telecommuting, working as a contractor rather than a regular employee, and being an experienced individual contributor with a new boss less experienced in the nitty-gritty can be volatile. I'd suggest that A develop an overall rapport with C so that (1) C may tone down the spikiness, especially if he sees that a more mellow approach is more effective and (2) A may feel more at ease in his professional relationship with C and react less to unintended slights.

If A is doing regularly scheduled "One on Ones" or similar with C, that's a good place give C the space to speak up about anything bothering him that may be manifesting as grumpiness and poor communication. Some people don't do these with contractors as there's no "career development" aspect to the relationship, but for a long-term remote contractor it can be a great tool. A can also use these as a way to invite feedback from C, put C more at ease, AND subtly communicate to C that A is in charge now (just in case C is angling to be reassigned back to his old boss). If C is overall valued, I'd at least try that if you haven't before deciding to replace him or to "manage him out".

A recurring bane of my life is having to deal with managers who are simply not across the nitty-gritty of how things get done, and who don't seem to be detail-oriented.

This was my previous manager to a tee. She stepped down in the end, thank goodness.

Chat GPT suggests:
Warm and upbeat:
“Sure thing! I can do that for you. I was just about to work on xxx since it seemed a bit more urgent because of zzz.”
Helpful and cheerful:
“Absolutely! I can take care of that. I was just about to start on xxx since it felt a little more time-sensitive with zzz.”
Casual and friendly:
“Yep, happy to! I was just about to tackle xxx since it seemed a bit more pressing with zzz.”
Professional yet positive:
“Of course, I can handle that! I was planning to focus on xxx first since it seemed a bit higher priority due to zzz.”

Polished and warm (for email or work chat):
“Hey, just a quick reminder that xxx (which I mentioned around 9:12am) is still waiting to be done 😊”
Friendly and upbeat:
“Just a quick nudge — xxx (from my 9:12am message) is still on the to-do list! 👍”
Helpful and collaborative:
“Quick heads-up! xxx (from my 9:12am note) still needs to be wrapped up 😊”
Professional but positive:
“Just to circle back — xxx, which I mentioned at 9:12am, is still outstanding when you get a chance. Thanks!”

All of these make me cringe tbqh...

If he's a contractor he works for himself surely and you're his customer - if you don't like the way he operates tell him or get rid of him. He's not an employee so no need to treat him with kid gloves.

It's so difficult when you need to gently correct them on incredibly basic things (like SPELLING, oh my god) without coming across as being prickly.

Team contractor. He is just covering his back in the example you give.

He is probably also privately irritâted and probably stressed by being micro managed by someone with far less experience. Yes this is a bit unprofessional but also human.

Training needs for both you and A.

I could have coped with spelling. My issue was when a particular safety check came due, and I found the paperwork to do it had been removed/moved. I asked her for replacement paperwork to do it. She didn't supply it, and said company regulations no longer required this check! I knew she was wrong, but I could not convince her of that. Meanwhile, branch records had it in writing that I was the one who did that check, so if her superior manager or an outside inspector came in and saw it undone, whose head was going to roll? Mine, because I'd only asked her verbally.

The moment the next manager was appointed, I outlined what I'd been told. The new one was horrified and supplied me with the paperwork immediately, and I finally did the flipping safety check.

I could have coped with spelling. Well, to be honest, I had to cope with spelling, but oh well.

My (biggest) issue was when a particular safety check came due, and I found the paperwork to do it had been removed/moved. I asked her for replacement paperwork to do it. She didn't supply it, and said company regulations no longer required this check! I knew she was wrong, but I could not convince her of that. Meanwhile, branch records had it in writing that I was the one who did that check, so if her superior manager or an outside inspector came in and saw it undone, whose head was going to roll? Mine, because I'd only asked her verbally.

The moment the next manager was appointed, I outlined what I'd been told. The new one was horrified and supplied me with the paperwork immediately, and I finally did the flipping safety check.

Being married to a grumpy contractor, I was expecting to be team A, but that example makes me think the contractor is behaving correctly. He is highlighting that the change in priorities will impact the completion of another assigned task. I'd also make sure it was written down, so there is no blow back that task yyy wasn't done. At least the contractor is more polite than me, I'd have been muttering "do you want me to shove a broom up my arse and sweep the floor as well"

I think maybe you need to work with A, discuss why he found the 'tone' so bad. Is it an inter-generational misunderstanding of tone? Is A automatically 'hearing' his messages in a negative tone.

I was expecting to be Team A as well, but the contractor really doesn't sound that bad and just part and parcel with working with different people. I do get the cumulative effect of this sort of interaction when it happens daily, but it does sound a bit like A is micromanaging him and getting his back up.

Thanks again for everyone's perspectives. I can totally see why my example looks like micromanaging but with the way we work it's not really, A and his predecessors allocate tasks in this way to everyone who is on that day. I agree there's probably an element of contractor wanting to have it on record should someone else decide A allocated things incorrectly.

I can't find it now but someone suggested I sound like I don't enjoy my job - I don't atm, and am thinking of a way out. I've been here longer than th econtractor though (working my way up in different roles) and again with the niche role it's not easy to find the right next step.

Also being so small and niche it is really helpful to have other perspectives not just because it's another view but it challenges my assumptions on areas where I have grown to accept things in my company and myself but really shouldn't

they make me cringe too! But it's quite helpful because I think A would react badly to many of these as well which says to me it really isn't the words contractor is using but the power dynamic or perceived power dynamic that we need to sort out

I agree with this. It’s often implicit or unsaid but I think a basic competency of any job is to be a decent person that people are happy to work with. That doesn’t mean everyone needs to be best friends - but a general understanding that you need to be a decent human being and behave with decency towards colleagues.

Yes, there’s always going to be grey areas but it sounds as though the contractor has rubbed many people the wrong way, on lots of occasions. And so they are not ‘good at their job’ if they’re not fulfilling the basis criteria of being a decent person to work with.

To try and give an example, when asked to do yyy he may say "well I can do that, if you want. I was about to do xxx which seemed more urgent due to zzz."
A may at that point say "ok I see that, you can finishe xx and then do yyy"
If A insists the contractor will do yyy, but later if xxx has still not been done because we don't think it's that urgent he'll say "just to flag xxx which I mentioned at 9.12am is still there to be done."

Looks perfectly fine to me. Brusque, but obviously the contractor knows what he's doing.

I think A would react badly to many of these as well which says to me it really isn't the words contractor is using but the power dynamic or perceived power dynamic that we need to sort out

Hmmm, it's A's problem, I think.

But then my approach to managing people who are demonstrably expert in their work is to give them agency and let them get on with it in they way they see best. Maybe I'm a slack-arse manager ...?

Of course, there will be times when there are priorities which override those of independent/autonomous colleagues, and then one has to insist. But in the examples you give, I'd be talking to A about working collaboratively, giving colleagues agency to do their best work, and trusting them to deliver.

@gannett

Just wondering why in all your sarcastic post to me you have not addressed the following comments

1. contractor can be terminated and needs to be mindful of that, maybe? History wont necessarily secure the present.

1. At the time I wrote my post we didnt have have enough examples to determine rudeness although OP has said herself he is difficult / prickly.

1. She has an unhappy staff member and as the manager she has an obligation to deal with that.

I am not sure what your argument is exactly.

You were sarcastic to me because i asked you if you were the contractor and I am asking you, politely, to expand your argument so that I can understand your perspective.

Having a contractor in role for 10 years is crazy! Make him a perm employee or get rid.

Is that as bad as the rudeness gets in your workplace? I don't really get it I have to say but maybe context is everything.

Yes OP sounds like a power dynamic to me. I think you make this a managerial learning exercise for A because unless there are some much worse examples you haven’t felt able to share, the grumpy contractor is just doing his job and providing what sounds like helpful feedback. He clearly puts people’s backs up but if he has strong skills then he earns his place on the team.

I’m quite shocked at the mildness of the contractor’s comments. In the past I’ve had to assert myself far more strongly, sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. But at least when it goes wrong you have a paper trail.

How exactly does A think the contractor should respond?

BTW how easily do you think your contractor could replace your work? I admit if I received some of the advised “feedback” on the basis of the comment example I’d be walking.