Very stressful awful morning.

Lucy2586 · 2025-10-08T08:52:58+00:00

I have been having trouble getting my child into school EBSA. The school are aware that I have contacted every agencies possible and I have managed to get her there most days apart from the second week of year 7. i take her early at 8 so shes there before the crowds, but she won’t go to student support on her own theu have to collect her. The last few occasions they have made me wait saying they would like her to go on her own. After a very difficult morning getting her in both of us in tears theu made me wait 20 mins by this time more and more crowds I had to stop her escaping twice so I admit I was curt to the staff because I myself by this point was at breaking point. I know there are other children and parents I understand this but I am doing my part getting her in after being threatened with a fines etc by them. The teacher called me said I acted rude and they would like a meeting because they I seem distressed too. What do theu expect parents to do it’s so so hard. Am I unreasonable for wanting to get her in before the crowds. Im not meaning to rude just highly anxious by this point.

Endofyear · 08/10/2025 10:06

Being rude to the staff isn't going to get you anywhere. Your anxiety and tears etc are going to rub off on your DD so you really need to work on staying calm and work with the school to make the handover as quick and seamless as possible. Go to the meeting and explain that you are having difficulty getting your daughter to go in by herself to meet student support and ask if they can come and meet you at the entrance at the moment. Try and work out with them a plan to work towards her going in independently.

Original poster

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 10:21

Endofyear · 08/10/2025 10:06

Being rude to the staff isn't going to get you anywhere. Your anxiety and tears etc are going to rub off on your DD so you really need to work on staying calm and work with the school to make the handover as quick and seamless as possible. Go to the meeting and explain that you are having difficulty getting your daughter to go in by herself to meet student support and ask if they can come and meet you at the entrance at the moment. Try and work out with them a plan to work towards her going in independently.

I have tried everything for weeks i am not sure what else I can do. I know being rude doesn’t help it’s just exasperation really. We were doing great they were taking her straight in but they have decided they want her to go on her own and she won’t it’s pretty impossible.

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Katemax82 · 08/10/2025 10:24

No advice here but you have my sympathy. I have 2 kids at different schools with this. It's hell

teees · 08/10/2025 10:26

I would be less worried about our whether people think YWBU and more concerned about finding a workable solution. At the moment you don’t have one. I took mine out after I realised all school Gavin then was trauma. A bit extreme maybe but if your child is distressed and trying to escape perhaps it’s time for a major rethink?

Original poster

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 10:32

teees · 08/10/2025 10:26

I would be less worried about our whether people think YWBU and more concerned about finding a workable solution. At the moment you don’t have one. I took mine out after I realised all school Gavin then was trauma. A bit extreme maybe but if your child is distressed and trying to escape perhaps it’s time for a major rethink?

There’s a smaller school nearby but she’s refusing to change. The receptionists are smug uncaring and unhelpful too.

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XelaM · 08/10/2025 10:37

Is online school like InterHigh an option?

What is it about school that she hates so much?

Tiswa · 08/10/2025 10:41

You have to remain calm - I know it is hard but keeping your emotions out of it helps (DS had 2 years of school refusal is better settled now) DS has his routine now and the only way it works is for me to keep my emotions in check slightest sign from me and it goes

that said even though I hated when we had a plan that was working the pushing it forward I can see collecting may not always be sustainable and it looks like this might not be the best option

online options are good

Original poster

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 10:42

XelaM · 08/10/2025 10:37

Is online school like InterHigh an option?

What is it about school that she hates so much?

She is awaiting assessment it’s a very large school and very noisy and chaotic that’s why I get her there early before the chaos starts and she deals with it a lot better but they obviously think by now she needs to walk there on her own but she won’t and I cannot force her. I think they’re being a bit uncaring really that is the whole point of the care plan.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/10/2025 10:44

I would go to the meeting - I’d welcome it - and say “yes I was distressed - thank you for noticing - because the crowds were building up and my dd nearly escaped twice.”

If she won’t walk through to them by herself, can you be allowed to walk her in?

I would explain that you can hold a child of that age by the gates for a long time so please could they come and get her straight away if you can’t be allowed to accompany her in?

Pumpkintopf · 08/10/2025 10:47

Seems like they are trying to rush through the process too quickly- I’d go to the meeting and explain as you’ve said here it was working well but this change they’ve enforced is disruptive.

Original poster

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 10:49

Pumpkintopf · 08/10/2025 10:47

Seems like they are trying to rush through the process too quickly- I’d go to the meeting and explain as you’ve said here it was working well but this change they’ve enforced is disruptive.

Yes and they wonder why I am getting agitated it’s not easy getting her there to begin with. I am not sure this is the right school for her at all.

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youalright · 08/10/2025 10:51

I think the meeting will be great of course your distressed and you need more help then you are getting.

Original poster

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 16:23

youalright · 08/10/2025 10:51

I think the meeting will be great of course your distressed and you need more help then you are getting.

I will probably try online schooling, a lot
people have voted that I am being unreasonable but it’s upsetting every
morning and the whole point of going so early is to get her inside. I am doing everything I can. I am not sure schools have the resources to adequately deal with ASD pupils.

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Tiswa · 08/10/2025 16:24

Yes it is upsetting but you have to not show that to her as much as you can

if she wants to learn online is great

Original poster

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 16:41

Tiswa · 08/10/2025 16:24

Yes it is upsetting but you have to not show that to her as much as you can

if she wants to learn online is great

I don’t usually but after 4 weeks and not being able to sleep
properly I am getting frayed. I have to admit the reception where they make me sit is really frantic I find it a bit much myself they literally only need to come out of a door im not asking them to come across the yard or anything but they won’t let me take her through the door to the other door.

Just getting her into the building is a major achievement. While we are waiting and she is looking upset other people obviously well meaning are coming over saying are you not well? The 15 to 20 minute wait feels like 2 hours.

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itsgettingweird · 08/10/2025 17:00

Go to the meeting.

Start off by apologising if you came across as rude - that wasn’t your intention.

Then ask them why they want to change what was working to something that clearly isn’t and then stop talking and make them explain. I wouldn’t say anything else other than “what we were doing was working”.

I agree they want to push the process through too quickly but until you understand why (I don’t as pastoral support in a school!) you can’t offer further solutions.

The trick is to get them to answer questions and offer solutions (if they won’t go with what works) rather than give them something they can say no too.

Tiswa · 08/10/2025 17:04

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 16:41

I don’t usually but after 4 weeks and not being able to sleep
properly I am getting frayed. I have to admit the reception where they make me sit is really frantic I find it a bit much myself they literally only need to come out of a door im not asking them to come across the yard or anything but they won’t let me take her through the door to the other door.

Just getting her into the building is a major achievement. While we are waiting and she is looking upset other people obviously well meaning are coming over saying are you not well? The 15 to 20 minute wait feels like 2 hours.

Show quote history

I know I have been there and it is incredibly difficult and sometimes I fail but I do find it helps

and I also know how frustrating it is to have a school decide that when something is working let’s push it to the point it isn’t

it doesn’t sound like it suits her though

Winterscomingbrrr · 08/10/2025 17:11

I will post more later but for now.

Email the SENCO apologise for being rude, explain you were stressed by the situation and agree a meeting would be a good way of moving forward.

In the meeting ask for your child to be seen by the educational pyschologist, tell them you will be applying for a needs assessment for ECH, ask if the LEA have an ESBNA Tookl kit (check this yourself) and ask them to use it, ask for any adjustments which may help (https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/reasonable-adjustments-possible-at-school/), ask if there is a language and communication team or similiar at the LEA they can refer your child to for support.

Reasonable Adjustments Possible at School | Autistic Girls Network

Here are some possible reasonable adjustments that can be established in schools for neurodivergent pupils.

https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/reasonable-adjustments-possible-at-school/

Original poster

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 19:45

Tiswa · 08/10/2025 17:04

I know I have been there and it is incredibly difficult and sometimes I fail but I do find it helps

and I also know how frustrating it is to have a school decide that when something is working let’s push it to the point it isn’t

it doesn’t sound like it suits her though

Show quote history

She she said she is fine all day apart from the mornings. She goes to student support with her packed lunch bless her. She did not eat thing. It was working we were getting somewhere instead of refusal. She is fine leaving school theu all leave at different times but in the mornings theu are all there early playing football or meeting their friends and that’s the crucial part.

I was rude j admit that more snappy I’d say but it’s just sheer desperation to eat her through those doors.

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Reversetail · 08/10/2025 19:49

The school needs to revert back a step to what was working or you and them come up with an alternative plan, this step forward is currently too much for your child.

Louisetopaz21 · 08/10/2025 19:49

My daughter I pulled out of school due to bullying and the impact it had on her mental health. Home educated and g9t her in a smaller school. I also paid to get her assesses privately for autism which means she gets more support. We are having issues with her still not wanting to go so completely get the stress but the school are thankfully working with us and understanding.

Sassylovesbooks · 08/10/2025 20:03

The school are trying to 'make your daughter run before she can walk', so to speak. In other words, they are trying to rush the process because they think she should be ready to take the next step. Instead of looking at the meeting with dread, look at it as a blessing. Tell the school that they might think your daughter should be ready to walk to support herself, but clearly she's not, if after 20 minutes of waiting for someone to collect her, she's become so anxious she's tried to leave the building twice! Tell them that you are more than willing to cooperate on a plan, that can help your daughter, but it's got to be at her pace, not theirs! Has your daughter seen an Educational Psychologist? Tell the school you are stressed, frustrated and emotionally drained by the situation and are trying your best.

HedwigEliza · 08/10/2025 20:03

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 19:45

She she said she is fine all day apart from the mornings. She goes to student support with her packed lunch bless her. She did not eat thing. It was working we were getting somewhere instead of refusal. She is fine leaving school theu all leave at different times but in the mornings theu are all there early playing football or meeting their friends and that’s the crucial part.

I was rude j admit that more snappy I’d say but it’s just sheer desperation to eat her through those doors.

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Being rude and snappy won’t get you anywhere. You’re hindering your daughter, not helping her when she witnesses you setting this sort of example. Keep your emotions in check. You really can’t criticise the reception staff when your behaviour towards them is equally poor.

Original poster

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 20:15

HedwigEliza · 08/10/2025 20:03

Being rude and snappy won’t get you anywhere. You’re hindering your daughter, not helping her when she witnesses you setting this sort of example. Keep your emotions in check. You really can’t criticise the reception staff when your behaviour towards them is equally poor.

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Thanks really appreciate your input… in an ideal world. Have you seen the panoramic documentary realised this week. Watch it on iplayer you might get a sniff of what it is like

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Tiswa · 08/10/2025 20:17

How about going in later once everyone is in just for the end of tutor - it is a reasonable
adjusment I have seen done before